Afternoons around the lake feeding the ducks,
throwing crusts from the bottom of a bag
that smells like home.
Scraping down a white wash hill
on a scarlet sledge,
fingers freezing in the spray.
Walking home from school with a lucky bag,
a smile
and a warm hand on my shoulder.
Watching football
with a belly for a bed,
shouting out whenever you did.
Clipping holly best I could
through a fist full of mitten,
from the special bush that we called ours.
Laughing at the funny men
arguing on the telly,
the ones with the bowler hat and the silly face.
Coming home crying
with a splinter in my foot,
saved by a steady hand, a kind word and a needle.
Finishing almost last
in the school fun run,
but still feeling like a winner hearing you cheer my name.
Being able to say
that you're my dad.

She's left scorch marks on your fingertips
and circles round your eyes.
Hell to touch
but heaven to spend all night *******.
You see starlight in her hair
and rainbows in her smile.
She's with you
even when she isn't
and you miss her
even when she is.
I smile
to see you smiling
and I love her
for loving you.
I'd like to rub away your circles
with my thumbs
and **** away
your scorch marks.
I'd like you to see starlight in my hair
and rainbows in my smile,
have you clench your fist when I'm not there
and you need someone to hold.
But for now,
hold on to her tight.
For now,
love and be loved.
I know I'm not her.
I have thorns stuck in my hair
and barbed wire in my smile.
But when I think of you,
I can't help but smile anyway.

We walked along
the flowered streets
and felt the gentle sunlight
dripping on our shoulders.
I think I smiled
for two days straight
and every laugh
was like the uncorking of champagne.
The buildings on either side of us were egg shell white
and just as delicate,
their slender bodies and effortless sophistication
somehow humble and full of history.
Every turn was met with unending beauty,
so much so that it made your eyes hurt
and your chest ache.
Winding streets slanted us in the right direction
and the smell of fresh bread, crepes
and something without a name
made our stomachs feel warm and full
and rumble too.
The dirtiest newsagents was a palace
and the grimiest bar the same,
the topsy turvy,
tipsy language in the air adding instant elegance
to the ***** walls,
the filth on the table tops somehow romantic.
We left the city
and it whispered goodbye,
through the car horns honking
and the dogs barking,
a melody most sublime.
We left the city
but it never left us.

There once was a woman in bed
Who groaned, and cried and bled
Her daughter's last kiss
Was bitter sweet bliss
As the virus, to her, did spread

The needle opened a heavy, internal door
to a colourful, devilish tidal wave of pain.
I told him I didn't want to try it.
I told him I was scared of needles.
The needle opened a heavy, internal door
to a colourful, devilish soft spray of pain.
He asked me if I loved him
and I answered with hot metal
and the push of a syringe.
The needle opened a well used, flimsy door
to a colourful wave of pure, sweet pain.
Shadows line my arms like forget me nots,
and I spend my days lying in tranquil meadows,
surrounded by forest fire.
The needle opened me up
and gutted me out,
and I liked the pain.

I want to be one of those girls.
The girls with craters for collarbones,
arms so gamine and slender
that they mirror the bend
of a flowers stalk.

I want to be one of those girls.
The girls who can wake up and go
without spending an hour
scrutinising themselves in the mirror,
so naturally beautiful
that they exude summer.

I want to be of those girls.
The girls who like to dress like the magazines,
that are entirely sugar and spice
and everything nice,
always painted
with a rom com ready smile.

I want to be one of those girls.
The girls who always know
exactly what to say,
when to laugh
and when to shut their mouths.

I want to be one of those girls.
The girls described as ****
and cute
and girlfriend material,
instead of
'one of the guys'.

I want to be one of those girls.
Not whatever I am
who laughs too loud
and eats too much
and drinks too much
and doesn't care
what Kim K wore to the gym last week.

I want to be one of those girls.
I want -

I just want to be me.