Do you remember that night?
This was moment I loved you.
I was so deeply terrified;
I cried in relief as I burrowed my face in your embrace;
So silly of me,
All that fear in being left alone for the first time.
You probably never knew.

I'm always taken by your memory
And we're long and over,
The people we were no longer exist.

I am in love with a kind man
Who is my world.

And you are a friend to me,
No longer the shining knight
But a sentimental bestie
Too far away to talk often.

But sometimes I dream about you;
Back when you were the safest place I knew

It takes me to a forgotten sanctuary
You put deep in my heart
I go there and I feel again.
I go there and I'm free.
I'm reborn a newer self.

And now I know why all the famous lyricists
Lament the great mystique of young love
For I find my former self anew
In the memory of you.
And though words fail to convey;
I am forever grateful.

Let's weave a web of Grace,
Where intuition sings to feeling;
Here
Compassion finds sanctuary.
Power hides in cunning,
And beauty is a front
Disguising a strength
Much deeper than eyes can see.

Let's braid an unbreakable thread,
Long and subtle let it run through the world;
Ready?
We'll capture understanding
And showcase it for the world to see.

I am part of you, I run with you,
Dear sister.
I will not waver by your side,
Nor will

I think deep down you know.
You drink me down
Like tequila shots
And get drunk on my chemistry.

Darling,
I can't love you.
I'll pretend.
I'll make art with my words,
My body will be your sanctuary.
When the world hurts you,
I'll kiss every cut and bruise
Until they become beautiful scars.
In my arms
I'll make you king.

But I wear your adoration
As a blanket
To smother my fire for another.  
It never goes out.
You make the flame bearable,
A comfortable warmth,
Not raging destruction.
You make it possible to love him.

Do you feel used?
You are.

I'm poison.
I'll swim through your veins,
I'll bind with every inch of you
And alter your perceptions.
Maybe you'll see things,
Maybe you'll see yourself the way I would see you
If only I could.

I'll destroy you.
And still you inhale my smoke and guns.
The hangover will hit,
Things will be worse,
Because I wanted to help,
And it only let me sink deeper
Into your skin.
I'm deceptive like that.

I can't say I'm sorry.
It'd be an apology
From a parasite.
To survive
I act as medicine
While I sign your death.
I care about you,
Only to sustain
So I can keep consuming.

And only when I'm cashed,
Will my ashes whisper,
I'm poison.

Our lips are so in love
Even our words intertwining
Sign betrayal
Well before our mouths touch.
So come kiss me.
It'd be like talking
But more honest.

I love you.**
Tonight I wrote that
So I could begin to understand why.
But it's like the name God.
The word can't explain something so immense it encompasses the universe.
And neither can I.

What is my faith?
Because I know it's in you.
It's in God too.
I've always trusted it,
I believed.
No doubt.
But now you have some of it.
You'll be mine again.
I know it.
Experience, logic, rules say no.
You said no.
But we're not done.
I'm sure.
...And not.
Is the only reason I'm so secure
That I've never been challenged?
Will God go away
When you do?
My heart knows you'll be mine again.
My head isn't so sure.
Who to trust?
Time.
Patience.
Maybe one day I'll know.

I have a heart that
No matter what I do,
She doesn't come back
When she decides to leave.
She sits on my sleeve
And every once in a while
I let her out. Tentatively.
To explore, to trust.
To connect.
Me to you or...
to him.
I say "don't go too far."
Echoing my mother,
Knowing such obedience is short-lived.
Because it was in me.  
Every time I'm shocked.
The connection breaks
and my heart makes a choice.
It's always to stay,
never to come back
to the shirt cuff
she once called home.

I have a mind that
Wonders...why?
I need my heart,
He doesn't even want her.
I'll take care of her,
He has no idea she's there.
And yet she stays.
And Lord knows I can't change her mind.
She's all heart.
So I go on feeling,
All the neglect,
All of her ache.
And people say, "Let her go."
"Move on."
But they don't understand,
It's not quite so easy,
I can't reason with her.
And reasons
Are all they give me.
And they don't understand,
She's never coming back.
I know, because I feel it.
She's past deciding
To make her own way in the world.
Good or bad, but without me.
She'll hurt, and I'll feel,
But I can't help her.
Not anymore.

I have hands that
Keep giving out love,
The busy things forget.
I tell them,
"We don't have a heart anymore,
Stop that."
But they're so bogged down,
Always processing, filing.
The message doesn't reach them in time,
And before I can stop it,
They've given and collected enough love;
A new heart's been born.
Everyone knows that's how hearts are made.
And alive, thriving, revitalized,
She can't understand yet
Why her mother is so broken.
All she knows is goodness,
She can't comprehend
her sisters before her.
She complains
About the rules I give her.
She rebels, and tries to run away,
I'm determined to keep her close though.

I have blood that,
cannot help but flow with passion,
With a longing to explore new paths,
Encounter new things.
He runs through my heart,
my precious heart,
and gives her
Excitement, vigor, curiosity.
See, blood lives in the moment,
He has miles of roads to explore,
So many things to experience.
He tells my heart all of his stories,
All the things he's seen and done.
And she's much too young
To resist such influence.
She tugs and tugs on my arm,
Begging to be set free,
She'll run at anything that peaks her interest,
Always heedless of my warnings.
I don't want her to leave,
I know she won't come back.
But I need her to grow as well,
So once again,
I let her creep, here and there;
Try things.
But where her eldest sister
Once had the entire world
As her playground,
My heart's radius of play
Grows ever smaller.

I have arms that,
with every heart gone,
Grow stronger.
They're menacing, but compassionate.
They know of my turmoil,
And their will to hold tighter,
To my dear heart,
Becomes evermore powerful.
She's frustrated, moody all the time.
She can't stand chains;
She was born to be free.
I can't tell her,
"Hey, slow down, he's not that great."
She won't listen.
She'll drum faster.
She doesn't know that I'm so afraid.
I'm afraid she'll be gone.
Once again.
I feel her longing,
Hoping, waiting.
Someone needs to peak her interest,
Enough so she can run
And not be stopped.

I have eyes that,
Slip the secret,
Connection is power, strength.
In a glance,
They know a thousand things.
My heart learns from them
The hearts of hundreds.
Some of these hearts are harmless.
I've discovered I can trust them,
To play with my heart
Without convicting her,
To the point of no return.
I feel safe with these hearts close by.
Maybe, if she can explore just these,
She'll be satisfied, and not leave.
Alas, her curiosity always proves too strong.
She wants something more
Something stronger.
She wants to be in love.
And isn't that what everyone wants for their hearts?
I'm conflicted, I should let her go,
But how do I know?
Maybe she's smarter than her sisters.
But that's silly,
After all, just like them,
She's all heart.
Truth is, I don't know.
I have to trust her.
So once again, I set her free.

I have a body that
Can't help but follow my heart.
They've become best friends,
Both inspired by blood's speeches,
Both supporting one another,
Both excited, young, curious.
At this point, they're inseparable.
And so I give myself to someone new,
My body connects with his,
And as always, my heart follows.
My heart and his heart, intertwined.
My heart has never felt so alive,
And for a moment, I'm convinced too.

But then,
He somehow wrenches his heart away from mine.
Maybe one of his lost hearts has returned.
And he wants his heart
To get to know it's brother.
Or maybe he was never
That caught up in the first place.
It was my heart,
Clinging as hard as she could
To something she thought she could
Believe in.
I can't tell,
My eyes no longer
Connect with his.
Blood no longer
Rushes to my cheeks
To be closer to his.
My body longs for him,
And seeks a replacement.
My arms feel empty
They try to find something to hold.
My hands keep busy,
Trying to ignore
How they're no longer
Kept still by his.
My mind takes the longest.
But with time, she forgets too.
Somehow though,
My heart still clings to him.
He didn't know,
It would always be his to keep.
I did.
I've done it all before.

And so, here I am.
And my hands keep giving love,
My mouth keeps setting smiles loose.
Soon enough a new heart will be born.
I'll be even more strict with this one.
Maybe my arms will be strong enough,
My mind smart enough,
To not let this one go.
Probably not.
My eyes search for the next one.
Cautiously. With reserve.
Because if he's found,
I know I'll have to decide
If I should keep my heart away.

I go on, things keep moving,
I keep feeling.
I watch all of my old hearts carefully.
I wish them the best.
They beat on,
Alongside those who took them.
Each one seems a bit smarter than the last
Maybe my mind, my experience,
Has more of an impact than I realize.
I grow,
I become better.
Maybe this time my heart will be ready.