is cuddles with someone who makes me feel
safe and warm
new years eve show in the background
wine
kisses
***
deep conversations about our futures
not once leaving his strong arms

today i learned that 5 months can be
both a heartbeat and a lifetime
his footprint is gone
his smile is unseen
so long ago and still feels like a dream

the fragility of life
is an utterly petrifying concept.

that a young, strong, healthy person
can be here one moment
gone the next

that because of one's selfishness,
a life can be removed from this existence
instantly

the fragility of life
is an utterly petrifying concept
that keeps me awake each night

I hope you never have to face it.

when I wake up I  the morning
my heart is already aching

I miss you before I can even remember.

I'm so cold, warm me up?

I just had the most powerful thought I've ever had.

It hit me like a train
dropped like a ton of bricks on my head
knocked me over and took my breath away

It was hard to grasp
I don't have the capability
to wrap my head around it
and to be fully honest
I probably never will

but on the surface
for some reason
I know it could be true

I know I'm not ready to accept it
it's a lot of responsibility to have on my shoulders
the weight that comes from this thought

but I guess
maybe
maybe it could be honest

just kind of hard to believe

but I guess
maybe
there's a chance
people might
really
actually
kinda

like me?