I will regret this in the morning
but I will do it anyway
my impulsivity often overpowers my conscience
yet I am almost always fully aware
of the decisions I make
and their consequences
I am not exactly mentally stable
but I am sane enough
to know right from wrong
yesterday from today
love from lust
although sometimes I mix them up
I have a tendency to lunge at any pair of arms that open for me
my mind and body often disagree
my body saying yes to eager hands
my mind saying no
constantly looking towards my heart
thinking how stupid one must be
to fall repeatedly
get hurt every single time
and still manage to do the same
over
and over
again
I wonder
how many times I will have to hit the ground
in order to learn to stop falling face first?
I often say things
that should be left unsaid
I often do things
that should not be done
sleep in beds unfamiliar
make believe love to strangers
get to know people who will not remember me tomorrow
I am gone as quickly as the hangover
I can be washed off the tongue
just as quickly as the liquor
I often believe I am capable of inciting change
I kiss temporary lips with permanence
hoping that I can train them to stay
I love temporary people with permanence
hoping that I can train them not to leave
and when they do
I claim to have seen it coming
I am incapable of forgetting
a scrapbook memory of skin and heartbeat
of touch and moments
I know not to look directly into eyes
for they can be blinding
and I still
do it anyway
I know of the risks that shouldn't be taken
well aware of their consequences
and I still
take them anyway
you could say
it is my own fault
for the way that things continue to turn out
but I can make no promise of apology
instead
I will live momentarily
**** up intentionally
love recklessly
fall unguarded
break enough times to learn how to put myself back together
crash into concrete enough times to learn how to shift a crooked smile
into something worth seeing
I have been told that a life lived in fear
is hardly a life lived at all
so I intend to live every second
like it is the last one I will have
I will write each night as it happens
narrate my own stories
and hope they turn out okay
I will regret this in the morning
but I will do it anyway.

There's a neglected soul in this picture
Someone who lost control
In a world of stricture

Trapped in seemingly endless stagnation
Yet I've found a figment recently
Of my lost imagination

Like the old woman gazing through a window on the wall
I'm framed
Like the motionless meadow
I'm framed

Lock me up this time now for good
If coloring empty pages is a crime
And freedom is overlooked

Shades and shadows not to confuse
Hence I'm creating a new skyline
Always waiting for a muse

Like the frozen waves at sea on the wall
I'm framed
Like the calm bovine grazing in the pasture
I'm framed  

Like a rigid silhouette on the wall
I'm missing it all

Where there's water I'll drown
Where there's fire I'll burn
Where there's heights I'll fall
Where there's shelter I'll hide
Where there's comfort I'll cry
Where there's love I'll hurt

With your every smile
There's those wrinkles by your eye
And on your stubby cheeks
A dimple on each side
How I wish you would smile for me
Just this one last time

As you sing
I breathe it in
Summer fling
Everything

Echoes of you
From deep within

Words missing
A broken string
Never been
Anything

Noise of you
And then nothing

He will never fight any battle for you
He won't chase after you if you turn your back to him
He is not going to buy you a drink or even ask for your number
He's just not that guy

He will never buy you roses on Valentine's Day
He won't text you in the middle of the night saying that he misses you
He will not turn and kiss you when you least expect it
He's just not that guy

He will never ask for your hand and your parents' blessings
He won't take you on a romantic trip to Paris
He is not going to say that he loves you until he knows for sure

He's just that guy
Who will secretly glance at you from the corner of the club
Who will kiss your neck as you fall asleep in his arms
Who will take your breath away and sweep you off your feet by being just that guy

Even though the weather chances for a reason
I never thought that I'd change by the season
Something grew inside me this spring
By summer my heart almost started to sing
Along with the autumn I turned pale and blue
Now winter passes by as I'm longing for you
And as we're getting closer to the end of the year
Once again I find myself in the cold arms of fear