my self value
is nothing
my love for
myself
is still, nothing

noth-ing /pro: not anything; no single thing.

the dictionary finally
has a word that describes
the way I have been feeling
about the life inside me

I can't help
but to hate
the person
that I've
allowed myself
to become

im feeling nothing
and I am nothing

"Heidi why do you have those lines on your arm?"
it's because im a broken person
trying to heal from all the pain
And the way I say this
I am no where near close trying
to romanticize my self harm or self hate

"so you mean people made you have these cracks in your skin"
remember the phrase "words hurt"
well the horrible sickning words
that were addressed to me
were killing me  

"Heidi please don't ever say you hate yourself again because I love you."
oh darling
you're beautiful 7 year old mind
makes me feel like
I'd never have pain again
but what am I feeling
as im trying to explain
why I hated myself so much
to have "cracks" in my skin
-H.M.

I like the way a cigarette hangs
Out his mouth
Crooked
Like his smile
I like the way
His shoulders hang
And also
I like his hands
That knows a woman’s body
But mostly I like
That his eyes
Likes me
Though not me
But my body
And though I don’t like
Being objectified
I like
That he likes me tonight