Lastly, no one cares for your speech.
Nor your expression of any kind.
and Keep with in you a pride
in simply expressing
not pride in being received.
Keeping with in you desire
to know yourself
not desire in being known.

My mind had long gone out
despite the composure
I was fading
into the black
with out any light.

My box was kept well
but it still had a stinch
which lingered.
Day after day

It smelled like you and i wondered
what it would be like
to hold you one last time
instead of live with your ghost.

But i new your disease
to which its contagious
and I didn't want to catch
your failures.

They weren't my issues.
They were yours.

Speak so slightly
Soft on your footstep
Beg forgiveness
what has been kept

Your scar maimed arms
are quite the turn on
You Phrenia mind
what has been left

I see softly
starring in the door way
I want your hate
to guide me some where

I feel your breath
such a wavering existence
I want your body
to know I care.

Speak so slightly
of everything you believe in
Speak so little
of what you know

Your inner dimension
is pulling me in
your hiding it all
is giving me show

Silky moments of holding you close
Where the time has moved us apart.
My words in your mouth
In your mind
Then moving out ward
Syncing in time
And I hold you in these moments
With a place in my heart
And attentions lifts you upward
While distraction tears you apart.
And no one is bad...
Not even then ******.
It's just hard to accept all these maggots in my pores.

No

I will never be
What is expected
From society

But maybe

You'll still admire me

center pose
find your balance,
hold your stillness
in its place.


Make yourself
go to the mat.
do it now
you'll soon feel great.

Hold the pose,
find your balance,
hold stillness in its place.

Your Solutions to my emotions
Become frustrating
Like I can't feel
And I know I do the same to you

I was outside when I heard your mother scream.
Running around,  with the groceries she was carrying.
The sound that she made put a terror in me.

I wondered what could have gone wrong.

I ascended the stairway
to your trailer door
this was something
I hadn't done before.
Your mother tried to stop me
But she was collapsing to the floor.

And then I saw the pain that had inflicted her.

I wonder what you were thinking,
alone in your quiet house.

In the fog of divorce,
separation from your spouse.

The gun between your legs
now fallen to its side.
the degradation
of your entire life.


I wonder what your were thinking
alone in your living room.
Eyes silently blinking
awaiting your impending doom.

And did you have the nerve
you thought you might,
Or did you question
if it was wrong or right.

Were you crying
for some one to come and find you.
Were you hoping some one would come and stop you.

Red and Shine in morning time.
Summer hair in heated air.
The grass grows so fast now.

I bring light with me
so no matter how vindictive
the Son...
I am never with out flame.

Your light doesn't guide me!
For I refuse to be a sheep.
I am my own Shepard!
In fields and fields of
wolves and moons

I glow brighter

Blooming the petals still damp
With after birth of an entire nation
Dripping from the seams
where further followed thought
Was folded tightly
Waiting to meet the suns rays
In an effort to solidate
That which we call individual truth

My movement is delayed
in spaced out seconds
waiting in between beats
for some direction.

I climbed trees searching
for answers
reaching for the sky.
Hunting perfection.

I found nigh above,
So I searched below
finding rivers
and then only cold reflection.

A small note of sandy age
scattered in my complection.

You remind me of better fruit
from the  rotten tree

My room is all cleaned up
and my confidence is back
I have tell you now
living hasn't always been my knack
But with this sweet essence of acceptance
I think I've found my nitch
yes when people like my art
I find Im not so much a *****.

Choke down every thought you thought you'd like to speak to me

I can't hear  anything you'd say to me
Explain to me,
explain.

How you be the way you are
and think such thoughts so thoughtlessly.
How you want me to accept
what you express so thoughtfully.
But I see not your sentiment
in these things you send to me.
I'm feeling like a renter
in your heart like you rent it to me.

Once a day,
you say so hey,
i think your pretty and shine

Once a week
i'll catch a wink
but cold is the rest of the time.

How easy it was to kiss your face
With thoughts of you so pleasing
And then when ever the trust did break
I held on tightly squeezing.
What's worse here
My actions or yours.
I never tried to measure.
I placed them both on the book shelf
Surround by glass
And hoped to forget but needed to remember.
You said it could  be meant to be.
And that cracked my protective mortar.
Because I had thought it could be meant to be
And I'm wondering if when I think
We both do.

Missing me is missing you.
Your love your dampened soil
You ever aching ever beating
Your heart your mine your royal

Take me to your center fold
Your beauty seranades and fades
Take me all the way to your home
I want my insides and you are mades.

I'm shimmering reflection on liquid glass,
Looking deep into its own eyes.
My substance softens into
Abstract understanding
And it couldnt be any other way.
Just when you thought you could explain it, you realize just how limited language is.
Comprehending more than could ever be truly explained
We put our faith in parallel's made through parables, hoping another mind could see in between the lines
To the less defined image of what reality could be
If it wasn't just instinct.

Stone walled by the minds inability
to grasp reality.
Sigh, life has always been some what difficult.
At least it's comical, its strange.
Looking back I miss the security of being a child.
My mother used to beat me for anything
and that was all i had to worry about.
She'd take a fist full of hair and drive her palm into my face with force from both ends.
And I'd tense up
and my endorphines would flow.
Toxifying my young mind.
Slowly pain became pleasure
and the euphoric feeling from getting my *** beat by a woman twice my size was relaxing.
After she was done, I would crawl away to my bedroom.
I would laugh hysterically at myself because there was
no reason
to cry.
I had cried so many times
why waste another moment
crying
over
*** beatings.
**** it up butter cup
no one loves you so love yourself.
life moves on.
first lesson learned.
Its harder now, to love myself, that I don't have too.
Or maybe sometimes I just can't.

She swore lives were more than what we were taught.

Sea Shores  Ocean pores and Land Locked.

She  spoke of passion I had never felt.

Said when true purpose hit you
that the false self would melt.

I wondered what parts of me were real...

And then it hit me,
I had been keeping such distance
from the sore truths of my existence.

I tried to hide it but i never really hid it

I tried to fight it but i never did get it.

I started wondering,
why psychology wasn't taught in school...

I started to think that humans were very cruel.

but it started at the soul, it started at the core
How could we ever grow, if we never knew more.

Why do I get sad, why do things seem funny?
why do so many spend their entire lives running?

Why don't parents understand the neediness of the young.
Why do we all age, feeling slowly hung

Asphyxiation of the mind
or maybe its the soul,
maybe its asphyxiation of humanity in a whole.
and we do it ourselves
through a collective ego.

why are we so scared to be vulnerable?

******* taste like ****
and I can get high off the breath

I can get high off your flesh.

When I breathe out
in a moment of ******
its liking breathing in borax

Chemical compounds
acid and salt
Your remove the need
To hold myself at fault.

Symptomatic of mental disarray
Questioning of every single thing.
Wanting to feel some type of purpose
Needing to speak but being oh so nervous.
That you would not relieve this mind
That you would not want to be mine
So totally.
So totally.
Will you want to receive me
If I shed my skin
If I try to begin
If I want to beckon you in
Would you receive me?
Want to relieve me
If I took off my clothes
If I spread out my toes
Would you need me
Want me and bleed me
Speak and decree me.
If i show what nobody knows
And those inner wirings
And what's below
Would you want me
If I show
Would you love me
If you could really know.

I would like to speak
And I would love to show
But the things inside
I would like to hide
But I want you to know.

When I choke I like to smile
To let you know to stay awhile
Cause when I choke I want you to know
It may hurt but dont leave me alone

I love you in a child like way
and You will appreciate my heart
Because innocence will give away
what fear has tried to covet.

When I choke I try to laugh
Just so you know this life hasn't past
and one day you'll breathe through these lungs.
One day we will laugh cause we wont be young.

They say misery loves company
but i never had a friend
and i didn't know i was alone
until the very end.

When they lightening came down
in the night
and i could see the barn

The cattle screamed
and ran for cover
scared of being harmed.

The sky crackled
the deepest of groans

I stood in the grass
feeling alone.

The lake looked jello
with the ran coming drown

With every breath I took I drowned.

Awaken to
the inability
you force upon yourself.
Awaken to
new fertility
born in center
of yourself.
These fashioned clothes
only mean so much
To those of us,
who never had enough.

Its time for something new
to born with in you.

I'm watered down.
Weaker than before
Not quite as concentrated
Not so focused.
Losing grip on what I want
And some how reaching out
And grabbing hard
For those things
That I hate.  
I had a dream I was gathering
Sticks
In my neighbors yard
He was a greedy blob.
So I had no mercy on his
Pig brains.