Get over it,
thousands of grains smothered by you

Only you
your not this innocent
used
precious being.

You take beyond your own recognition

oblivious to this world
and its pattern.

Your not some withered animal trapped.

Broken gestures lying still
Between the sticks and leaves
Glimmering in the light
Cast from flames blooming into the sky.
Holding yourself with in
The confines of your brain
And body always was
A sort of prison.

selectively moving through
the parts of me that are hard to see
Building all the way up to
something I could have never seen.
Coming
was such a suprise.
Bodies humming
and the night was so nice,
so nice,
it was to be next to you .

Moving through all the things we do
together
is such a nice word
when I'm with you
its how I say me,
and now your missing
and terrible feeling.

Lust filled moments of waiting for that perfect rush.
That silent moment of, oh i can't hold it.
and I don't want you to.
I've tried every thing in my power
to cause you to lose yours
I'm here to catch your flowing rivers body.
I'm here to absorb the impact.
And when you release
angels cry some of the most creamy tears.
and I am below the fall.
I need you.

STOP,
You will never blame me
for things
undone
by fate.

Silky moments of holding you close
Where the time has moved us apart.
My words in your mouth
In your mind
Then moving out ward
Syncing in time
And I hold you in these moments
With a place in my heart
And attentions lifts you upward
While distraction tears you apart.
And no one is bad...
Not even then ******.
It's just hard to accept all these maggots in my pores.

Caffeine and cigarettes
body aches and morning breath

dreaded hair that wont brush out
Milk in the fridge long gone stout

Just not enough drive
to move a single finger
until i consume something
and hope that it will linger

but it always brings me down
right after the up

yes once I've had a little
i can never get enough.

Her face seemed almost yellow

With chaotic solar tides
Of ego driven strength
Of a heart soaked in pride.

I felt compelled to stare
How was she aware.

And soon I saw she wasn't.

So wrapped in tangerine
Trying to show her
but nothing could be seen

She's giving into her failures
But i had never failed her.

She turned away from me

So burnt shades of nerve
You'll never be a martyr
Though that's what you yearn

Your under bellies softness
It would tear so  effortlessly

Face to face
I know you love
pressure on your cheek bones,
suffocation
if its gentle.
push me
down your river.

Things accumulate.  
In and around my mind.
Am I as good as I'd like to believe?
When we fall I get irritable.  
You would know
Cause you do too.  
I lay in bed just to smell you
Comfort in the little things.  
When **** Makes us distant.
I don't like the drugs.
I try to stay away
And you do the same.
Seems like our failures follow us
I try to brush away our trail.
But we amplify our shared weakness.
I just want life
Not death
I just want you
Cause your better than ****.

Burning pressure
Has its way with the mind
And to keep steady
I breathe in time.
Skeletal I am bones
But oh so unaware
Thought forms fight
What do you embody?

Savior bright
to save the light
to move you through
with all my might.

Savior source
We know the course
to move into
with out remorse.

Savior queen
natures so mean
we move away
from ever green.

Savior king
promise ring
move the rules
not aloud to sing.

Back and forth
Sun and Daughter
unfortunate
self made slaughter.

My phone rang.
"layney, your uncle tim died"

I was blank at first
then i sighed.

Thats ****** up..
was all I could say
Died this morning
it happened to day.

And he went to sleep just like any other night
But this morning when the sun made light
His body laid still and his skin grew cold
His mind had left, his time had gotten old.

And i distanced myself from him and every one else
before all this happened and now what is felt
is lost opportunity no room for more
Lost personality and hearts are torn.

And I have heard his voice a thousand times before

"uncle tim's little girl"

And i know it was so long ago,
but still he was here
and now that hes not
I cant hold back my tears.

Measure the fall
And study the happening.
God fell first in lust to love
And we his mutants of selfish desire.

Aloft the giving tree
I sit to see
Shade from sun
And what's in me.

Fell first hand
From receive
Deep into
The pulling weeds
And rooted under
Further water
Give me more
Of my own summer
Let me live
Eternally
Not under give
No ******* way.  
Climb aboard
The giving tree
See only life
In all you see
Live this life eternally
As long as you flow
With the giving tree
BUT fallen fruit
Is sure to rot
Straying hearts
A thing not sought
So stay with In this loving tree
This branch of life
This thing you need
See all life eternally

I am the shameless *****.
For sinning is in my blood
and I am shown that every month
at my bodies detest,
destroying a cell.
It was set for life but not so,

rip your guts out.

And He Is a shameless tyrant.
King of the world
murdering theif

And in our destitute

alone

we were nothing more than edging towards a bottom
eating our own flesh in rage and jealousy at each other

but when  My Whoreship
met His Tyranny
we found purpose.
In unison.

We found joy in expression
we found that coming together
made us worthy of something.
gave our sins reason
gave our sins a divinity
which could never be changed.

A perfection of two ever destructive things.

Two things which always destroy themselves
coming together
in perpetuity

and creation

something either were incapable of.

and that  is the origin of evil.
and how life came forth from it.

Asphyxiation
is a declaration
of my unwillingness
of my uselessness

And sickness pouring in my body
as I worry.

What if the thoughts you exhibit create
your state of being.

What if, the morning of your car wreck, you had thought

one less thought
worried
one less time
stressed over how things were
one less time.

Would it have changed things
maybe.

What if you hadn't entertained the idea of your body
or your mind falling a part.

maybe if we learned how thoughts cause the body
to react
we could live for ever

My mother always told me
so many different things
about this life were living
and our fallen angel wings.

She taught me one is many
and many are just one.
She taught this life's plenty
and when it is done

That My Body will decay
my brains will liquefy
Dust to dust and stars a like
And my consciousness seeps into the sky.

My mother has told me many things
of this earthly rolling sacrifice
She taught me all the wisdom
and she taught me all the rites.

You
in and out of my thoughts.
Gathering force
Proving that you've captured me
Or I've captured your essence.
I'm dance in rhythm
The sound of your name.

Little life so left to give
in your wake you left to sieve
Every thing
your drain it out
And in the dust you finally sprout.

Oh little life so much to do
in your wake i try to feed you
Everything
You might want
Deep into your growing months.

Blue machine
Dripping opal Shimmer
Climbing so high
The sun starts seeming dimmer
Im ready to explode now.

No

I will never be
What is expected
From society

But maybe

You'll still admire me

Serendipity was ugly until the very end
I didn't feel lucky.
I knew the world would work for me
but brutally I thought.
Hard ship and pain surely were
the price I'd pay if i ever wanted
to be happy one day.

But then you were thrown in front of me
and I could only stutter
as I realized God had cast
this angel down before me...

And I thanked the heavens for
sacrificing such beauty to me
and I wondered
why i deserved such offerings.

But our steps fell in rhythm

Red and Shine in morning time.
Summer hair in heated air.
The grass grows so fast now.

There's an orange cat
who eats my trash
and I don't mind
I know Hes in a bind
got no where to go.

He wont meet me
got no love to show
but his face says
feed me.


I put food in a bowl on my porch,
he runs when i open the door.
But i peer through the window and see
Orange cat does appreciate me.

Thoughtful expression
In figuring up
How to show
Your undying love.
On the inhale
I feel utter expanse
Like magnets ripping
The coils of my brain.
How life spins in circles
Bigger and smaller circles.

Sand polished from the bones of so many came to past
are we not aware of the horrible implication
that the dust we walk on is the lives of those lived before us?

From the time things were oh so small
where bacteria died and built up in  space.
where rotten flesh of so many
turned life for so many.

dust to dust

do you understand the implication

that to continue living, one must die.

to continue evolution one must sacrifice.

You've found me
Writhing feathers
Held down by leathers.

You've found me.

Twitching, grasping, gasping.
Trying to wrap my mind around what it means to be alive.
And I don't know.

Butterflies take my insides
To some place anxiety could
Never muster.  
my adrenaline flows,
Only more pure.

And thoughts so fresh
So ancient
So true to what
We know is true.


This neat box they raised me in
The walls fell
And I can smell it still
Like nostalgia on a winter day...
But they are gone
And I could see for miles
If this fog would clear.

Lately hes stopped talking
giving in to that silence
but me being the moon
I can only give into violence.

My father, my Sun
the maker of my one.

His silence is shattering my ever growing world
and the destruction thats coming from me being a girl.
I love them I love them I only want more.

My children My Victims
this ever growing *****.

My mother my keeper, my love undying soul.
I wanted to keep her but this hole is growing old.

Yes the whole is growing old
and falling all apart
its getting very close
to having to restart.

Its aging imperfect
its falling all apart
its time again
to born a new heart.

The waking
the faking
the silently ******

the stopping
the lost things
the what you want the most things.

My mind moves
my thoughts feel
my body lives
but its not real

not my reality
this pumping blood
thats a being of its own.

My mind moves my thoughts feel
reality is an illusion
mind is all thats real.

I was outside when I heard your mother scream.
Running around,  with the groceries she was carrying.
The sound that she made put a terror in me.

I wondered what could have gone wrong.

I ascended the stairway
to your trailer door
this was something
I hadn't done before.
Your mother tried to stop me
But she was collapsing to the floor.

And then I saw the pain that had inflicted her.

I wonder what you were thinking,
alone in your quiet house.

In the fog of divorce,
separation from your spouse.

The gun between your legs
now fallen to its side.
the degradation
of your entire life.


I wonder what your were thinking
alone in your living room.
Eyes silently blinking
awaiting your impending doom.

And did you have the nerve
you thought you might,
Or did you question
if it was wrong or right.

Were you crying
for some one to come and find you.
Were you hoping some one would come and stop you.

my sun rose but the clouds kept the rays at bay,
they protected me from the blisters of pain
induced from to much touching
to much loving.

They hovered over me like a blanket of protection
pretentious
suffocation.
Like a dogs eagerness to lick its pups
but they run, they run
to much touching
to much loving.

And I hide from it all.
From the rays of the sun
from the dampness of the clouds.
above me everything
i shelter myself.

Below me, i wonder what hides
from me
I wonder what runs,
and who is it, keeping distance

From to much touching,
to much loving

those painful blisters induced
from to much touching
to much loving.

I run

She swore lives were more than what we were taught.

Sea Shores  Ocean pores and Land Locked.

She  spoke of passion I had never felt.

Said when true purpose hit you
that the false self would melt.

I wondered what parts of me were real...

And then it hit me,
I had been keeping such distance
from the sore truths of my existence.

I tried to hide it but i never really hid it

I tried to fight it but i never did get it.

I started wondering,
why psychology wasn't taught in school...

I started to think that humans were very cruel.

but it started at the soul, it started at the core
How could we ever grow, if we never knew more.

Why do I get sad, why do things seem funny?
why do so many spend their entire lives running?

Why don't parents understand the neediness of the young.
Why do we all age, feeling slowly hung

Asphyxiation of the mind
or maybe its the soul,
maybe its asphyxiation of humanity in a whole.
and we do it ourselves
through a collective ego.

why are we so scared to be vulnerable?

Revelations are quite the mystery
A moment before you were in the darkness
But now, something new has a dawned.

a thought which once before,
You were unaware.

Does this mean it was not there?

For knowing it have you invented it?

Or are you now, just a part of the clever collective,
of those who hold such thoughts?

And this is where vanity takes hold.

See not that information
see not that knowledge

as something you have realized
upon your own minds intelligence.

But rather a simple realization
of something which has always been.
but before you had not ears to hear
nor eyes to see.

From the time you were born
life has been filled
with subtle revelations.

Let them not get to your head in old age.

I see slivers of it in your eye
So precious and moving light
they stream on out into the sky
And explode the sun in ever bright.

I'm shaking in the presence
your winding thoughts wrap
covered in your essence
Your magnetic mental trap.

my lungs are screaming
in ever pulling pain
your eyes are streaming
some never ending gain

There is a fine line
between sanity and insanity.
Between dogma
and balance.
Between reality and illusion.

So fine, its indefinable
but if we all talk about it.
If we all walk around it.
If we all step into and out of it.
Perhaps we can learn
just by experience,
where the place to stand is.

Sand down my rougher edges,
I swear not to scuff
the outer layer of
your finger tips.

So delicate

to move me
replace those parts no longer working
oil all the gears.

Take me to your basement and leave me there for years.

I'll be the project of the century.

There was a bird flying
to and fro
from me to you
and her to him.
From every one
to every where.

Showing care showing care.

This bird flew for ever
it always had
its always been.

But i haven't seen it for a while
I noticed I hadn't seen any one smile.

i wondered where it could of gone.

Hopefully it'd be back by dawn

I had a dream you were still touching me.
it was different though now you were ******* me.
And I wanted out and I wanted away
the bathrooms were filthy
And I wasn't okay
And I couldn't wake up
And I wanted to die.
You wouldn't leave me alone
And I couldn't. Figure out why.
I'm older in the dream
But I'm weak around you
and your face is different.
But it's you.
And you couldn't have me
if it was up to me.
No I would cut my belly wide
I would open it , see inside
and I would bleed until
I died
And that's what I did.

Your like smooth cream
in my dark waters

I need this 'fore my being fades to black.

Enough about you its me,

I have this over bearing presence which just disappears
in times of insecurity.

and once what encompassed you
becomes the walls of the room
and I'm here but your alone.

I laugh ugly.
I speak loudly.
I sing song every thing.
I smother you in my presence.
I sit to close,
I grab your face.

Until I think
maybe your better off alone

to which i recoil.

with in myself
and quiet on the out.

Saber bladed
bloodied tooth
with stretching pulling
ripping flesh.

It moves for you,
One big beautiful mesh
of everything that ever was

with matter stretching forth
every thing that ever was
a reflection of the forest.

Twitching tendons
dare to spasm
so close to getting

what you want.

what you need

You bleed and bleed
every single month.


Faces swimming in the ocean tide
Waiting for an **** ride

of separation

just begging for creation...

I understand you little bug
you twitching pulling
parasite.

Its everything in nothing
and i see it all around.


its creation and its spacious

its time consuming and gracious

Its everything that ever was...

this life your living now.

look around,
do you see the ancient reflections
shining in the air
with the clearness of the wind
as it moves through your hair...

No heavens gate
could be this pure.

Your holiness reading scripts
yet I wonder what they meant
Some guru holding pose from 8 to 8.

But none of them are walking, like jesus said to do.
No none of them are living a life like mine.

And i wonder what more i could do
with my existence
than I have today .

I make a husband happy.
I baby sit a kid for cheap.
I paint pictures
I sow to reap.
What are we gaining,
from chastity and isolation

at night i center myself in introspection
hoping to do better the next day
to find deeper states of awareness
to bring this world something
it can consume..

But wondering,
we all have some purpose
some place
whats mine.
and whats theirs...
What are we doing