Your holiness reading scripts
yet I wonder what they meant
Some guru holding pose from 8 to 8.

But none of them are walking, like jesus said to do.
No none of them are living a life like mine.

And i wonder what more i could do
with my existence
than I have today .

I make a husband happy.
I baby sit a kid for cheap.
I paint pictures
I sow to reap.
What are we gaining,
from chastity and isolation

at night i center myself in introspection
hoping to do better the next day
to find deeper states of awareness
to bring this world something
it can consume..

But wondering,
we all have some purpose
some place
whats mine.
and whats theirs...
What are we doing

Saber bladed
bloodied tooth
with stretching pulling
ripping flesh.

It moves for you,
One big beautiful mesh
of everything that ever was

with matter stretching forth
every thing that ever was
a reflection of the forest.

Twitching tendons
dare to spasm
so close to getting

what you want.

what you need

You bleed and bleed
every single month.


Faces swimming in the ocean tide
Waiting for an **** ride

of separation

just begging for creation...

I understand you little bug
you twitching pulling
parasite.

Its everything in nothing
and i see it all around.


its creation and its spacious

its time consuming and gracious

Its everything that ever was...

this life your living now.

look around,
do you see the ancient reflections
shining in the air
with the clearness of the wind
as it moves through your hair...

No heavens gate
could be this pure.

this body has no mind.
Who am i?

This body can't define.

Who am i?

Expansion beyond these walls.
seven colors, seven thoughts.
Calling inward out.

Speaking through movement
adding emotion
talking in strokes
to define
the image
the pattern
brought forth
from the abyss.

Soft petals of truth
sanctify you

Your blossoming blooming
is so utterly proving.


Your thoughts and your doing
are so totally moving.

I'll tear those petals off.
I'll take what I have lost.

How tangible is mind,
your thoughts are so sound?
That proven beyond doubt
you are real?

Bleeding blooded
dripped through her teeth
she stopped at nothing to devour me.

Yellow hair  covered uncertain animal.

Trivial fails
and tribal cannibal.

Eat your own flesh
You wobbling legs.

Pressed me into the fire
for a million and one days.


I wanted love from you.
I wanted warmth.

You didn't know the truth
so she only gave me hurts.

I want now, I need.

Desire builds a fire,
and its threatening me.


You ******* beast.
Never gave me what i need.

Now I fend for myself so relentlessly.

Your safe now, your safe now

I repeat to myself.

Oh but those thoughts of what could have been.

Thoughts of that animal tucking me in.

Thoughts of that animal ******* in sin.

Thoughts of that animal bringing me in.

You brought me here
oh trivial fails
you brought me here.

softer shades
of a lighter grey
found under thousands of pounds
of imagined colors.

Undefined
but i want to know
what lays under this color.

These bright contrasts of what  i pretend to be.

Almost suffocating.


What do they mean.