Pain always finds me, and I can say
That I am always happy at the end of the day.
I want to bleed out, and I want to go away...
Pain always finds me and I am always happy....

My nostrals breathe I know I am alone
There is no heart on my sleave, no one to call home
This universe is crooked and I am alone
I wished that you would at least reside in my home

Pain always finds me I hate you. I hate you
Pain always finds me I hit you I hate you.
I want to go away I want to bleed out

I've been living in some strange world,
and I've been loving being your girl.
You've captured, such a beautiful thing here.

You love me don't you, its clear to me
i think I need you dont I, its easy to see.
You breathe, You breathe and you breathe

Dont choke.
Dont let go.
I want to watch you fade
into the snow...

Winters coming and its making a mess
The snow is freezing the hems of my dress
and I want you I need you I love you soo..

I am ready to watch you fade into the snow.

My leaves have all been picked this year.
My blooms, the petals gone.
My truth has all been covered in fear
I am desperately awaiting the dawn.
Losing touch is easy, fading out is quick
Eyes which glowed once, will soon turn grey and sick.
Excelleration will slowly slow, motions comes to stop
No vision of where to go , so your body begins to drop.
Death is such a progressive thing, a sinking in of presence
Sometimes I find it filling me, A quite uncomfortable essence.
How often have I given myself to death. How often have I called it.
How often have I begged for it, to confront my issues and solve it.
Who is death and what is it... Why do I feel it, even though I am alive.
How can something living, COmprehend death... Why do I know what dying is like.
Why do I want to die?
I see winter coming, and Know deep in my bones, I haven't gathered enough resources to make it on my own. And death will make it so, that I do not suffer long.

i can't seem to accept that notion,
or find anything else to do...
but just cry sometimes..

and i cry sometimes,
God knows me well
he knows my voice
, and he can tell I am sorry...
God knows my voice and he can tell
I am greif strickin,
why did we have to lose that chance.

Our own unique....... well you know.

a little ..... something to real to say...

and now an everlasting "someday"

Its everlasting for me, oh orange rings sing so beautifully
like it was made in me....
and it was....

You know it was....
how real was that,
as real as me,
or not quite....
right... not to me.

expansion reaches, out of my skull slowly
moves across, above and below me.
Down through my chest, ***** and keeps flowing.
Takes over my whole being with out me even knowing.

Its stretching what ever I am, i know I am not this body
I am puppeting this thing, thats what life has taught me,
and i truly am electric and death wont be able to stop me.
I feel it in the air and I know this body is not me.

So the truth is ripping out and stretching and seeing where it can go.
And I have found a place inside a mind inside a home...

Expansion reaches out ward streches around about and below me.
You should awaken and reach out let your soul get to know me.

engrossed in the thought of history i move my thoughts to yestermorrow in some crazy town under some crazy sky and I want you.  I want you hear and now like I want yesteryear... like tomorrow in the future, Cause i want to move from this distant place which is always located exactly arms length from your beautiful island of a body. Is it you or me letting emotional tide create more space between our land masses. God my ether longs to be mixed with in yours and is it just me who has felt so far away? really was it me all this time? I dont know... I dont care... But i want you. Your all i ever really think about when it comes to decision making and future planing. You are the considering factor in every single breathe i take. Litterally in bed at night, i aim my breath away from yours no matter how close we lay so that we can be comfortable. My conscious efforts are all for you and I mean it, Now want me too.

Hey, Have you forgotten about our loss already, am i the only one suffering any more. You dont show your greif if there is any.. and i dont know how to stop feeling...

We used to be so light hearted, things were easy it seemed.
Like our presence in eachother was all that we need.
But now we know that theres something weighing both of us down and I have read alot of articles but nothing profound.

Or maybe its just me, maybe I am the only one. And I feel so uncomfortable I think that you are too. but i can't seem to accept that notion, or find anything else to do... but just cry sometimes..

and i cry sometimes, God knows me well he knows my voice, and he can tell I am sorry... God knows my voice and he can tell I am greif strickin, why did we have to lose that chance. Our own unique....... well you know.

a little ..... something to real to say...

and now an everlasting "someday"

Its everlasting for me, oh orange rings sing so beautifully like it was made in me.... and it was....

You know it was.... how real was that, as real as me, or not quite.... right... not to me.

Hey, Have you forgotten about our loss already, am i the only one suffering any more. You dont show your greif if there is any.. and i dont know how to stop feeling...

We used to be so light hearted, things were easy it seemed.
Like our presence in eachother was all that we need.
But now we know that theres something weighing both of us down and I have read alot of articles but nothing profound.

Or maybe its just me, maybe I am the only one. And I feel so uncomfortable I think that you are too. but i can't seem to accept that notion, or find anything else to do... but just cry sometimes..

and i cry sometimes, God knows me well he knows my voice, and he can tell I am sorry... God knows my voice and he can tell I am greif strickin, why did we have to lose that chance. Our own unique....... well you know.

a little ..... something to real to say...

and now an everlasting "someday"

Its everlasting for me, oh orange rings sing so beautifully like it was made in me.... and it was....

You know it was.... how real was that, as real as me, or not quite.... right... not to me.

My dreams fall like drops from clouds
down to my feet and meet my gaze.
I was never very... Out going...
I never knew how to take what I wanted
I politely waited in silence for it to be given..

And when it never came I just simply
withered away a little bit more, one at a time
the light in my cells faded to a quiet
dim,
barely lit glow and I am just happy they still shine,
even just a little bit.

But I can't lie, the difference, is *noticeable

Sweet chatters clinge to the drum
The voice spoken in the other room
It always tantalized the less critical
it echoed in their heads fading always to soon...

Some left it where it was
and others brought it with them
I always tried to keep it close
I always tried to hide it with in.

She likes warmth and venom
She says it stings inside
and when you try to lift them
All the bugs crawl and hide

But dont you ever question
where they crawl off too
I know I have been wondering
What they ever will do....

Seems they burrow under
Layers layers of rotten flesh
from trees and plants
and birds and things.


You know I have always wondered
Where they ever will go
when i turn a rock over
and crouch down real low
and all those little bugs and salamanders
run for the hills
they climb inside of holes and caves
it must be quite the thrill
to live with in the earth
a cavern safe and sound

Buggies little slimy things

I see them and my heart pounds.s.

My days have never been to over filled

They have always been what  I willed

Say you want honey flavored tragedy...
You want rough but sweetly.

You want the life but with out the pain
You want the crazy but with out the insane..

You wont find it, no happy medium
you must learn to love the blood dripping from them.

You must learn to love the pain of birth
You must learn exactly what this life is worth...

I breathe more carbon dioxide than oxygen
yet I still survive with hundreds of men

I never questioned the pain of this existence
Its what makes me strong enough to run the distance.

Creature of the poppy feild
What type of pain you ask I feel ?

Shades of Green and reds for show
Drink the nectar and move so slow.

Picker of the Niferous pods
The flowers bloom the croaks of frogs

Seeds will suffice in any matter
The better the pods they grow the fatter

Mothers milk some may say
couldnt survive hades any other way

Lemon twist has always touched
this kidney and this mind
and I have never wanted anything more
than seduction into sweet sleep
through papaver.

Somniferous has always been
a friend of mine, one I have never
wanted to leave
behind.

But I must one day.

But today I ride the wave of tooth pain
and Poppy tea.

You fade in and out of me
Like my consciousness
fades when I have drank
to much ***** to stay awake. ..

and I enjoy your exit and return
even more than the shaking
of slowly waking
from an ****** induced slumber.

The feeling of ecstasy rides up my spine
into the deepest corners of my mind
Cleaning out those old ways of thinking...

You with in me, here in this moment
that is what heals my ever growing soul.

Staples tend to stick in time
Your heart it tends to beat in rhyme
I like it  more with you around
But still my feelings hard to expound

If you want timid lemmings of friends
i dont like the way that goes
but if you want loyalty till the end
I will show you my ever baring rose


My petals bloom just for you
and intruth bloom in truth
You can tear them right away
or you can watch them slowly decay.

Emotional pain, No words for it, no explanation...
Just a sudden still of movement, a welling of tears
And your in it, over it, You sailing and emotional sea.
Your fighting off waves of anguish, of jealousy...
Oh you want to relax you want to let go, you wan to be free
But its this thick choking feeling, grabbing at your throat.
Its this gashing and peeling, you can't let Go.....

You want to release, oh you want to release
You want to be free from this emotional dis- ease
Will it ever leave will it ever leave....
Im begging, I just want to sleep...

Your so exhausted now, its drained you
This feeling has some how maimed you
There is no name, no explanation for shame
No reasoning for the deep emptiness hurt leaves.

Its there, in your heart in your chest
In your brain covering the rest of you
its draining you, You can't fight it.

Its mandatory, like the physical pain you feel
after being punched in the mouth...
When he leaves when she dies, when they steal
when they lie....
You will ache, You live and you ache...
You feel and you ache, You feel and you feel pain.

Its part of being alive....
Its part of trying to survive....
You live., and you die

I sometimes wonder if I am an Angel

Or rather fallen from the sky...

Your not having a good day
But I smile despite the attitude.
You frown sadly as you move from
room to room
Dreading the impending doom.

Home for lunch but you must leave soon...

I smile despite the dreary mood....

Your not having a Good Day

I say I love you I laugh and I smile.

I try to keep your attention a while..

Even though your being mean
I still think your color is the most

beautiful sheen

Dreams catch feathers all by themselves

and me I like my coffee sweet


But nature never offered beans in the flavor of

Vanilla except in Orchids

The flowers of which have always reminded me of

My Own anatomy

What does it mean to cave inward

at the peak between my legs...

I'll never know what it means...

But my heart beats in unison with ******

like there is something to it and its a part of me

A part beyond kidney

a part like heart.

Dried flowers catch dust just like Archaic decoration

and You told me you loved me in a kind of declaration


I never wept for joy except for joyful pain

and you never told me anything good

Just made me question sane...

Pressure and cream
You quake me love
and in a dream
I push your shove
You wake me Beautiful
Hands full of flesh
and YOU Make me feel
I fall you catch.

Pressure my love
You lean on the walls
Inside safe rooms
Hum sighing calls
I love your cream
Your stability
Your fingers and hands
Your pressure on me

You dream and I dream
and we meet each other
in the middle
Father and mother
In the middle
Brother and sister
In the middle
Missus and mister.

You move against  my tides
and in the pull it magnetizes
and you move against my sway
pressure on my flower of may
You move against my movement
but some how swaying in my tide
You give me illuminant
and  neither of us can hide.


I speak in tongues to define
Your beauty
I speak in tongues
speaks from you to me
You speak in mouthfuls
of fertility golden

I could never separate from you

you are the opposite to my pole
the north side to my south


You stick to me through electricity

I bleed in shades of grey and white
How dare you question my meaning
and in this time we never reach out
TO those in worser need of preening.

You love to talk about yourself
I can relate to you.
But dear  you ignore my ever cry
When you need to lend an ear too.

I bleed in shades of acrylic gel and
Paste to far along the edge.


You scrap the dried flakes away
after You pushed me off the ledge.

I pull and pull you would never even ask me to stop.
Pressure builds in my mind and in my spine.
and I would ask you to take me there to the top
Just to help you relax and help you unwind.

Your trees trunk brings vitality to the tip of my branches
and I seize the rain fall, I seize the rainfall.

Temperament means so little
to the one who lacks control
and  I fly off the handle
Because its all I know.

Self guidance is something missing
From about a every single soul
Each one hunting for blissing
But getting stuck far below.

A fly, who was once a maggot
Told me of a story
One of breaking bad habits
And it was kind of gory

The fly he said His name
Had always been the same
But his body had been different
Deep with in he changed.

He said once my flesh was juicy
a pale color I appeared
and in the flesh I would eat the flesh
For those who death had neared.

Eating they decay I made the world a better place
But I no longer eat much as a fly
So I must breed more of my race
We must multiply

Our young, Our youth,
they rid the world of corruption
with out us the dead would
scatter like an eruption

A thousand carcasses
No one to like them clean.

I have not yet one single thing
To tell you about the inside
My mind is just a simple thing
and you would find it hard to find.

I can't word the thoughts i hear
and I can't write them either
and if i held you near
You may feel it in my ether.

how funny it is to meet
A girl who really cares
and in the second look she gives you
you know no one is really there

How dare you touch what is not yours
how dare you love what feeds on gore
How could you think any thing more
of a spider really but dressed as a *****.

I'm broke, we established that
My foundation dwells on cracks
and in the back of my mind
I always knew you werent my kind...

I always knew she would stab my back
No doubting her no doubting that
I always new she would eat my heart
No doubting that no doubting our part...

Oh lucky it is to meet
a girl who really cares
but in the first look she gives you
You know your heart is hers.

Hind sight will measure a million miles of pain
Hind sight will say pleasure wasn't worth, to refrain
Hind sight is clear and it could save a life
If a life was worth the saving....

and its not

I'm severed heads in
sheets for beds
but lane across a high way.

You want me to comfort you
But seen across the fly way

You lift off a stop to short
and end up in the by way.

Life has really been so strange to me. Moments cascade through my mind. A picture here, a sound there, all nostalgia.

Bullfrog eggs in a tractor tire filled with water,
and I am 6 and I am alone.
I am in the woods,
and I am away from home.
I am missing my mom,
who has been gone a while.
I am strange,
in the mind of a child.

When My grandparents stole me from my drug addicted mother,
I felt as if i couldn't go on, like I would truly smother.
5 was to young to be ripped away from her,
and I would be underestimating it if i said it just hurt.
It was like my air supply had been ripped from my lungs
It was like I was on autopilot pretending to have fun.
a New school No mom, no dad either.
Just grand ma and Grandpa, they did keep it cleaner,
but it wasn't the same.
To me it was insane.
It was different it was wrong..
I couldn't go on.

I never wanna have to leave
This place with you
I never wanna have to see
a day with out you

You bring me to the highest peaks
the mountain tops the flowing creeks
You bring me such love

You whisper treat You golden rung
You beautiful man, voice beautifully sung

You are my God, My Golden Idol
My whorships love my little child
My closesest friend, My Brother
My confidon, My lover.

I package sweet things to say
In ribboned sentimental
You know me like I want you to.
We have taken over this rental...

Covered the walls in legends
Cobain, Lennon,  Dylan
My art is hanging every where
And for you my body is willing.

You pay the bills so kindly
I wash your dishes and kiss you feet
You always have been so kind to me
I have always drooled for your bodies treat.

Skinny teeth
You chomp away
and Skinny heart
You pump all day

Skinny eyes you lie and lie
Skinny eyes You die and die

I want you to shake me
My core is begging
For you to take me
Down hill sledding
You want to play with my
water and ice
you want to play with my
glitter and rice

I let you

There there angel face dont cry
I'll move away from the wound
You can lick it by yourself
Ill just watch you

There there
Queen of the ******
You Lovely women
who love your man
You have me driven
you have me band
I am not sorry.


There there
little girl
you squirm
I am you father,
daughter never learn
There there
little child
don't move
I want to see
whats inside you.

You grow like a wild flower
In the middle of spring
You grow with love and Power
Nothing left to give me

I see you there, child, innocent
I see you clear, My lover,

Increments
of Gold,
and mercury
surround you

Dare not old

Age, let if find you

Wither with me
into age
Fade with me
Fade away

Into finality infinitely

We move into

Infinitely
we move into old age

I get angry and my eyes widen
I scream  a scream of angst
of anguish of frustration
It rips through the cords
leaving them hanging in suspense.

I scare you and I can tell.

Big man.

39,
you stand tall

You have a voice of your own

You use.

and then you hear my rage and
you shudder.

Good, You know I am just as real
as you.