With a warm glow
around my tired bones,
I feel the chemicals
slowly take effect.

It's ok with me, precious,
if you think I'm ugly.
I'll love you just the same.

My hands knew your skin
before we ever touched lips
because you are missing from me.

It's ok my dear,
if we never live
I'll love you just the same.
It's the honey on your lips
that keeps me on my knees.

Today I killed
the last piece
of love
inside me.

I fed it poison
and watched it
convulse and die
as the cicadas rotated
shifts in my ears.

Yesterday a blind woman
touched my face
as I carried her through
the desert to
the Holy Lake in the mountains.
She touched my face
and asked me to put her down;
she no longer wanted my help
because she knew my
nothing was greater than hers.

Tonight I drink the shadows
of your name, heavy with
time.

i think too much
about throwing up
about emptying
that which people tell me
is wrong.

to society
i am
disgusting
i am
too fat
i am
repulsive
"no one wants to look at THAT"
they say.
because beautiful
is malnourished bones
thighs that don't touch
stick-thin arms
bony
ribcages...

it has been POUNDED INTO ME
that beautiful is NOT
what i am
that beautiful
is achieved by the shape of your body...
and maybe i'm not a perfect size
maybe my stomach isn't flat
maybe my thighs
are chubby
maybe
i'm not a lot of things
but i believe
that i AM
beautiful...
and no amount
of ugly hearted people
who tell me that i am not
will get to me.

i was made like this
and i would not change it
for the world.
**** it,
*******
generation.

Dude! It ***** to be you. The ******* love of your life, you see, is prettily living her ******* life in a ******* kingdom by the ******* sea - with a man she just met in the gymn last Saturday - while you, you have your ******* left hand flat on your ******* parchment as you bury your head on the edge of the ******* otherness and curl your right into a ******* fist containing various worlds and stretches of forever.

Apart from curses, I have no other vices. My life is incredibly dull, you see? You have put me here atop your ******* tower overlooking the ******* ocean on my ******* own and then ******* killed me eventually.

How dare you composed a masterpiece out of my death you ******* *******!


*Your ******* Annabelle Lee,
to loved and be loved by me

This is ME.
This is YOU.
And even in a poem,
Still separated
By the words and spaces in between.

you were the first man to love me.
naturally
i loved you too,
marveling at your beauty under the summer blue of the new york city sky.
fingers entwined, hearts rocketing...
you perpetually climbed to the center of my
universe.
if i could rein in the sun,
i would converse with the earth
and hand you the center of our solar system.
the shooting of stars would be under your infliction, and
the world would slowly dance around the
conviction
of your heart beat.
your heart beat
sounds like the finale of fireworks on the fourth of july,
your eyes
flicker like the stars shining beyond the thickness of the summer new york city sky
thickness
like the weight of love.

with every starry sky,
i still search for the big dipper.
stripping the constellations
searching for something bigger
than the compilation of love
or whatever it was
that we feathered through the sand that night.

that was the last time that we were together
you and i
lonesome
under the moonless sky
seen only by the eyes of God.
guided only by the light
and the might of the stars,
no matter where you are:

with every starry sky,
i still search for the big dipper.

every time our eyes collide
the constellations quiver
every time
you look into my eyes
i see you riding the tides of my skies
sliding along the slopes of my little dipper
abiding the strokes of my heart to beat quicker
searching for something bigger
than the compilation of love
or whatever it was
that we feathered through the sand that night.

that was the last time that we were together.
the weather has shifted many times since then,
it has now been awhile.
yet, still now
the compilation of your smile
is the only pile of shine
that can blind the vastness of my mind

every time

you look at me

i drown in the vastness of the seas
that flood the skies of your eyes
with every starry sky,
i still search for the big dipper.
upon it,
when both our eyes linger
i can feel the shiver
of the astronomical quiver

when i'm guided by the stars,

you never feel quite so far.