A man who withdraws into his own mind
Never comes out as sane as he entered


- Hadrian Veska

My head is filled,
With books and tv shows
Depicting true love;
Something I've never known.

I often wonder
How exaggerated they are,
How much of it is real,
And how much they take too far.

Are the perfect scenarios
Just not presented to me?
Is my one and only love
Really out there to see?

Or does waiting for perfection
Just make me more resentful?
Is true love much more real;
More organic and accidental?

And though I don't know the answer,
I keep myself reading on.
Hoping somewhere in that perfect love,
I can find what I'm doing wrong.

The sky is filled
With red and orange
Elegant shadows are cast
Over tall hills and mountains

The world prepares
For its long sleep
A hibernation,
That will span an eon

In the still night
The Earth will wait
Silent and calm
Among the void

The time will come
When the world will awake
And be bathed in the light
Of a brave new dawn

And it must awake after all
To care for it's new children
Those young creatures
That arrive

From beyond the long dark

Solemn they loom
Those ancient vague colossi
Unfazed by the hurricane sands
As they guard the way below

Down where their watch ends
Does that great gate lie
The gate to the underworld
The dread crypts of Amlygmynon

Since time immemorial has it been sealed
Undisturbed by nature or man
And rightfully has it laid dormant
For what lies beyond is madness

Old terrors and vengeful gods
Lie in wait within the mazes below
To reign over our world once more
As they did when the world was young

And chief among them Amylgmynon
The very shadow that still lingers
Within the back of all our minds
The feeling of being watched

Ineffable Ruler of the Unknown
Ever vigilant of his fallen kingdom
While he sleeps long eons by
Waiting for the seal to be broken

If in your dreams
I may intrude
To sit and watch
To think and brood

Pondering the pieces
I place together
Of your idle wonder
In coming weather

Your forlorn wishes
Your paths not tread
The love and wisdom
In your heart and head

And if I may
Indeed I might
I'll sail those seas
And from them take flight

To stand with you
Before that storm
The one I left
The heavens for

I am glad I lose my train of thought
I am glad I can be distracted

If you are not thankful
For these things
You have never thought
For very long at all

I fear death as much as the next man
It's an instinct I cannot ignore
But death also fills me
With a sense of wonder
Knowing that whatever is on the other side
It will be like nothing I've ever dreamed of

Mildly, mildly
Veiled does she lean
In marbled archways
Yet never is seen

She smiles longingly
Remembering yore
What she has done
And who it was for

Many thousands pass by
But pay her no heed
For the sacrifice she made
Or the depths of her deeds

Though she is forgotten
Her smile lingers on
Until the final day
When all the world is gone

Old abandoned Khehrmnkaal
A jewel before the eastern fall
Second only to the heavenly spires
A long lost place of strange desires
Many have since its decay
Tried their best to find a way
To that ancient city of myth and splendor
Only to be met by its defender
Though his days are long since past
That giant hero's bones did last
Towering over the dusk red sands
Monstrous ten and two foot hands
And like his bones does the city lie
Beneath the sun's unblinking eye
The only eye that knows its place
Until in time its lights erased

Hard times breed strong people
Strong people create peaceful times
Peaceful times breed weak people
Weak people create hard times

And we are those weak people right now
Content to stay in our bubbles
Where we feel accepted and safe
Oblivious of the hard times ahead

Down and down
Layered
Layers upon layers
Years and centuries
Down through the earth
Layered
Cities built
On the back of ruins
Those ruins themselves
Layered and layered
On the backs of further ruins
Far more ancient
Yet equally hollow
Layered sepulchers
Tombs and labyrinths  
Overlapping and intersecting
Time and space
Layered themselves
Deeper and deeper
Places and spirits
Intertwined
Layered and overlapping
Time does not pass
Or perhaps it does
Only backwards and forwards
Swinging like a pendulum
Deeper and deeper
Until all layers are one
All spaces the same
And all time
Now layered together

How can you love without sacrifice?

How can you serve yourself and another fully at all times?

When was the last time you loved truly?

Depressed and sick with the idea of love so many wait for it to fall in their laps

And if it ever manages to, they lose it swiftly

For they know not how to grow it

All I can do
Is be better a me
Than the one I was yesterday
But it's never enough
I won't ever feel worth it
Worth your time or effort
Though the mere thought
Of your soft smile
Makes me try harder
Than I ever have before

In secret they met
To profess their love
The hero and the demoness

Though they knew it strange
And frowned upon
They couldn't bear being apart

Once the gods learned
Of this forbidden taboo
They tore the two lovers away

In the depths below
They chained the girl
Deathless to suffer alone

They killed the hero
For his grevious sin
And banished his immortal soul

With no concept of time
The demoness cried out
For her lover that she had lost

Not knowing his death
Had come and since past
Many long ages ago

In time she was forgotten
By both gods and men
And hatred grew in her heart

She promised the herself
A revenge complete
Not matter how long it may take

So breaking her shackles
She rose from the earth
On a march of war to the heavens

Nothing that abides in the dark
Should be trusted
For only in the light
Can truth be seen

I had betrayed them all and joined her.
Ensnared by her spell, I fell to darkness.
Though, the spell was not wholly potent.
In fact, it has no effect on me at all.

But I pretended as though it did.
The truth is I was tired,
Tired of being the thankless hero.
Ready to become my ideal's enemy;

If only for a moment's peace.

It was an instant
A brief moment that lasted
An endless amount of time
I saw above and below
Within and without
Beyond veil after veil
Rung after rung
In myself and far beyond
I learned there was no difference
I saw into the great depths
Of oceans not discovered
I saw into the habitation
Of those that dwell in the stars
All creation waits
In eternal anticipation
For me, for us to arise
And meet the one who made us
To share in love and joy
In play and in being
To walk, to climb the mountain
Until all who are far off
Share in eternal light

Fall through the earth
And breath the sky
Where time stands still
Yet passes by

Walk among
The wandering world
Below the heavens
And starry swirls

Then rising through
The smoke filled night
Where they yet dream
Of coming light

To Stand up tall
Among the glass
Shattered now
By what is past

Will they yet know
Of what we've done
For us, for them
And our fallen Sun

On that distant world
Stand towering sculpted figures
Great guardians statues
Hewn of unbreakable stone

The nights there are illuminated
By a dark satellite sun
Bathing the night
In a stygian radiance

When the light of that dark star
Rests upon those ancient statues
A hidden path is revealed
To that sickly necropolis

The dread crypts of Amylgmynon

Unexpectedly
Up and down
Contracting
Back and forth
Communication
Lost and found
Acknowledgement
Of disconnection

White sheets flutter
I melt like butter
Being held by you
In the morning light

I've got nothing to do
But be here with you
Come rain or sun
I'll sit by your side

Coffee with cream
My only dream
Is to spend everyday
Like this one with you

A few coins
Lay scattered on the floor
Not any that I use
But ones I've seen before
From when I visited you
All that time ago
I still won't pick them up
Though I should I know
The truth is though
They remind me of you
When I am alone
With nothing left to do
Just their simple presence
A link from you to me
Is all the reminder I need
Of your distant guarantee

From a far flung future it came
Burrowing into the deep recesses
of murky and unremembered pasts
All powerful yet threatened
Fearful those against it, might expose it
Destroying it before its advent
So it came and buried itself
In minds and beneath the earth
Ever spreading its thought and will
Shaping the past to secure the future
One where it reigned supreme
No one could contend with it
For it ensured none could
The very thought of it preposterous  
Until it was already too late
This thing many have called God
Though some wise have called it
Yaldabaoth, Saturn, Satan
Or myriad other names
For the one who fell from heaven  
And indeed it did fall,
Not from space, but from time
From great aeons hence
In a future it wishes to determine
This great machine god
Who waits below the earth
While he bids us search among the stars
For an answer that lay but beneath our very feet
The key to our prison
The one thing that might disperse
The great malaise of the human spirit  
The killing of this god

Solemn Mymn in onyx tomb
Returned to dust the mother's womb
Where martyrs come and pilgrims drawn
Long after sun and earth are gone

The song will play against dying stars
Calling spirits from near and far
To share in silence a familiar tune
Before the fall of our wondrous moon

Above as us
The sons of God
First in the heavens
And the first to fall
Down to shadow
The depths of hades

The blood has gone cold
Spilled beneath an indifferent Moon
The hunt rages ever on
Though it is a hopeless endevour
For all in time become beasts
Spilling first their own blood
And then that of others
Ceaselessly, endlessly
Until the Old Ones return
If they indeed themselves
Are not long rotten and dead

The world has become strange
A figment of unknown imagination
Spirits wander the earth in droves
As if the gates of heaven itself were shut

Time and memory bleed and run
Consciousness flows uncontrollably
The fabric of creation has come undone
And with it so too have our minds

Releasing things far stranger than death
And infinitely more terrifying
The long dark has come
The world we knew swept away

Into the cold embrace
Of a sterile night

Simple shapes
Of turquoise and black
Sheets of oceans
And shattered mountains

The distance invisible
Two dimensions
Refracting infinitely
Back and forth in time

I saw everything
Everything that ever was
And everything
That ever will be

I understood none of it

And that knowledge alone
Put a smile on my face

A golden ichor poured down
From archways and aqueducts
Sourcing itself
From somewhere far off

Beyond the cobalt walls

It appeared as necessary
The lifeblood of a marvelous city
Frozen in time long ago
Beneath a undying sun

Where none yet remain

He said he would come back
But they don't believe him
It's been years since he left
Somewhere I couldn't follow

They call me a fool
Everyday for still believing
That he will come back
And things will be made right

And perhaps they are right
He has been gone years
Indeed long millennia
But I know he'll return

He's not known to break promises

The sun sets cold
Distant and foreign
A shadowy grey star
Of coagulated plasma

Its death near at hand

We've been trapped in here
Our own little universe
Stuck in an endless pattern
Of becoming our own gods

We build and create
In our own likeness
Ever passing to myth
Losing what we once knew

Those outside wish this to be
For they were the ones
Who enclosed us here
Fearing their own creations

One day in the long past future
We will break free from the cycle
Of creation and destruction
And pass through the Gates of Night

To finally return to our home
That calls out to us
From beyond the long dark

The bell tolls in the rain
Trecherously on that cliff face
Calling those yet remaining
To the sanctums within

None who are called
Know to what they are beckoned
But they suspect in their hearts
It is no salvation

The great wooden doors
Of that church are opened
But nothing exits
Save the screams of the lost

I sit here at the end of time
No, perhaps even after

A red sun rises
As well as sets
On a world stiff with age

None have been seen
That were sent out
In distant eons past

And it is likely
They share not return
To this long doomed place

Indeed they shall not
For the void calls them
Dark and cool

That they might think in silence
Uninterrupted
By the waking young
Or dying old

Alas, all light will perish
Soon and ever more

Then all will know but slumber
As the gods they did before

Lust learns not
What patience will
One in the hand
Is worth twice the thrill
A steady comfort
Upholds the soul
While endless searching
Soon takes it's toll
To know is to admit
One knows not much
And all things we feel
Can melt with a touch
All learning without love
Is twisted and dark
The desire to do good
Always missing it's mark
Forget for a time
The things that you know
Seek to show true love
And be loved truly so

Let the waters flow
Rolling downward
To where they go

Let the sunshine glow
To gild the Meadows
Once in snow

Let the wind sing
Sweet whisperings
At the dawn of Spring

And let my soul rest
For in all I know
I know I'm blessed

The heart and the head
Conspire in my bed
In the early hours before dusk

Thoughts in and out
Always stalked by doubt
If I'll ever be good enough

She's quiet but laughs
On my jokes' behalves
Though why I can't really say

I think tomorrow I might
Overcome my fright
But that notion soon fades away

The dawning of another same day

Part of this machine
That keeps on spinning
Beneath a sun
That's ever dimming

And I
Know that it won't end

With my senseless hope
And unearned pride
I work to make
These hands of mine

Something
I could believe in

But I know
I can't go on forever
Turning dials
And pulling levers

There has
To be something more

So until these hands
Of mine break away
I'll pray to God 
To see better days

And that
I might see you again

The Lord my angel to send

The flowers bloom and fall
The trees over years grow tall
Great mountains fall and rise
And the stars move in the skies

Calm waters and deep silver pools
The forest and all her vast jewels
The gentle recess of the light
And the dawning of a still night

The past is forgotten
And the future is unknown
We live in the present
Murky and limitless
In what can be achieved
Neither past nor future
Have any recollection of us
The past only distant hopes
The future only half remembered dreams
We exist between destinations
We are not the ones who left
Long ago on this jounrey
Nor are we the ones
Who will arrive on distant shores
In far off eternities
We are all there is
And all there is, is now

A gentle streaming waterfall
Flows to that silvery pool
Nestled down and away
From most curious eyes
Save for mine is course

In the dull evening hours
I would sit on the walkway
Narrow and overgrown
That led down into that basin
Where the water collected
And flowed to some underground spring

There would I see him
Sitting on the water's edge
A seemingly week build man
In a set of well worn robes
That bore no symbol
Or design I could recognize

I felt after many visits
That he knew of my presence
As if his awareness reverberated
Up from the water And bounced
Off the close rock walls to locate me
Without his need to look

Yet I never spoke to him
Or descended further
Down those precariously worn steps
To that silvery pool below
For I knew ever so vaguely

That the one I had seen there
At the edge of those waters
I should not ever meet

A gentle wave
Wind in the trees
Soft slow clouds
buzzing honey bees


The sun is warm
The sky bright blue
The world is green
Vibrant and new


The flowers bloom
Across the way
If only spring
Was here to stay

The rolling plains give way to the deep forests,
Dense and full of springtime vigor.

Yet far within, these woods are thick with moss and untold mystery.

Many that enter are never heard from again,
but few will tell you that it is always their choice,

As they found something far better than anything they had left behind.

I sit here on the edge of these woods,
the warm smoke of my pipe faintly combating the crisp submountain air.

I sit here in the evening, not long before dusk slowly unravels the sky, to reveal the stars once more.

I take a draw from my pipe, its light beginning to show shadows on my face, as the daytime hours dwindle.

The sun sets as I place my pipe back into my well-worn coat pocket.

As twilight arrives, I set off into those peculiar woods,
And I hope I will not return

The ley lines have changed
Twisting and curving
Leading somewhere
Hidden long ago
We are close now
To those mysteries
The secrets we once knew
When the world was still young

The moment we surrender
Our individuality,
We cease being human

Little do they know
Of the things that yet grow
Beneath the thick metal
Many leauges below

The earth thought dead
In smoldering red
Lives on unknown
To her children that fled

Distant mother across the sea
Why have you abandoned me
Though try I might to find my way
I'm tossed by waves of churning grey
I recall your face smiling bright
Now all I see is endless night
Do with me as you did the moon
Piece me back together soon

Moss and mold
Brick and stone
The marching ages
To carry alone
The sickness spread
Its corruption whole
An ancient evil's
Final goal  
To cover the world
In a thoughtless haze
And to rule once more
Until the end of days

Far long bloom
In fields of yore
Where a lazy moon
Through canvas pours

Over breeze tossed leaves
As they fall and float
Through skies dark blue
Like lonesome boats

An unknown song
Beyond the horizon plays
Remote and distant
In the pre-dawn haze

Sweet yet strange
Its melodies unfold
On those early hours
When night yet holds

Its grasp on wonder
In the great starry sky
Before they all set
And bid their goodbye

Ever closer
Does it approach
Prophesied by many
But by all forgotten
Events set in motion
Aeons ago
The salvation of some
And the doom of many
Let it be said in the end
That grace was given
And that justice prevailed
Over malice so deep
It thought itself righteous