How can you love without sacrifice?

How can you serve yourself and another fully at all times?

When was the last time you loved truly?

Depressed and sick with the idea of love so many wait for it to fall in their laps

And if it ever manages to, they lose it swiftly

For they know not how to grow it

"Don't strive to know everything,
because everything has a habit of changing more often than you would think."

-Hadrian Veska

The graves we pass are nameless
Weather worn and old
The mausoleums slumber
Dreamlessly to hold
The bones of those before us
Whomever they may be
Beneath the wonderous moon
And weeping willow tree

Where is the world that might yet be
Beautiful, tranquil, calm and free

It is here still and may yet be found
Careless buried below shallow ground

Should we ever stand to then pursue
The world it is that once we knew

We shall find it was waiting before us

Patiently all along

The sky was dark and overcast
A solemn warm rain fell down
On a field of dead bodies
Rays of dim grey light
Pierced through thick clouds

They walked among the battlefield
That was now all but silent
The only sound to be heard
Were broken banners blowing in the wind
And hollow footsteps pressing into the mud

They always appeared after battle
Surveying the death and destruction
Kneeling and sharing their sorrow
Those ancient souls of war
That fought when the sun was still young

Great warriors long forgotten
To the places they once called home
Courageous heroes of old
Cursed to walk for all eternity
Those Knights of the Fallen Earth

All I can do
Is be better a me
Than the one I was yesterday
But it's never enough
I won't ever feel worth it
Worth your time or effort
Though the mere thought
Of your soft smile
Makes me try harder
Than I ever have before

Did you see the great white pyramids
Before the oceans swallowed them whole?
Did you see the great colossus
Before his head rested on a shoal?

Did you hear of far off empires
Plated in gold and amber sweet?
Did you watch the distant storms
Bringing rain over endless fleets?

And did you see that great star
That fell headlong into the sea
And froze the world over
Ages before you or me?

Did you witness the human spirit
That refused to fall or die
Though his monuments had crumbled
And his children began to cry?

Are you proud to call those forebears
Your fathers from of old
And will you carry their mantle
and build a better world?

It's beautiful,
To run into someone that knows you,
Who you can't remember.

It reminds you that you exist,
Outside of your own mind.


-Hadrian Veska

Wandering flame
Don't let the shadows that dance around you
Frighten you or deter you from your path
They only grow larger
Because of your great light

The emerald eves
Flow and fall
Down the sides
Of those ancient walls

Once a garden
Of gods unknown
Now but a maze
Long since overgrown

Visions though brief
Haunt men there
In the ivied belvedere
Of that sweet mountain air

A dozen no more
And one yet in store
To wipe the slate clean
And end the long war

So few yet remain
If anything's to gain
It will be so those young
Might not know our pain

Longingly, wistfully
In the garden at night
Does she bathe in the moon
With its dull silver light

Its craters rippled
Below the deep sky
In a crescent pool
Where the stars now lie

And there in the stars
Or what now remain
Does she sing her last song
With brontidal refrain

A singular symphony
Of all that could be
In a future unshackled
From darkness set free

Though now the light fades
And tall shadows grow
Her song reaches out
That all might know

Hope yet remains
In this long coming night
As the moon still stands
Reflecting dead light

Rise and fall
Ebb and flow
As tide does come
And tide does go
Raise on up
And settle down low
These are the things
That we do know

There is such a thing as morality.
Its proof is evident in guilt.


-  Hadrian Veska

Personality is the canvas of the will


- Hadrian Veska

The dust storm was so strong
I could barely see out the window
Of the abandoned facility
I had been sent to salvage from

Charging my torch I say by the window
If I pressed my ear close enough
I could make out a sound
Enough through the storm

It must be the loudspeaker I thought
Somehow it survived the bombings
I listened closer and heard it drone faintly
As of giving out orders on a work camp

After a while of straining my ears
The storm died down a little
To where I could plainly hear
The speaker system outside

It appeared to be counting
Though not in a language I understood
It was a monotone female voice
But there was something odd

The voice never repeated itself
Like a normal announcement
Or warning might do
It just counted endlessly

The storm cell must have passed over
As it returned to the ferocity
Of machine gun sand
And deafening winds

The halls and passages were dark
The only light my rechargeable torch
In the gloom and shadow
Of this monsterous abandoned complex

That despite the long war
Had forgotten to die

The waters stirred before creation itself
A dark void of ancient things
Filled with unknown terrors
And deathless monstrosities

All these primordial creatures
Were slaughtered in due time
With the rise of man
And his endless ambitions

Yet some say they were not all destroyed
And that one of them yet lives
Sleeping in solitude
Below the thick black waves

And with the departure of the stars
He will dream once more
Waking from his slumber
To fill our world with eyes

Hazy and grey
With a blueish tinge
As if somewhere behind it
The sky I knew still existed

The rain slanted down
For hours without letting up
There was no wind
And it seemed unnaturally quiet

Every so often a car would pass
And I myself would pass
In and out of consciousness
On the uncomfortable love seat

I had left the window open a bit
But the few times
I found myself awake
I could not will myself to close it

Something about that dull light
Muted, distant and deep
Lulled me to sleep
And put my dreams at ease

For I did not wake again

I am glad I lose my train of thought
I am glad I can be distracted

If you are not thankful
For these things
You have never thought
For very long at all

Little one lost
On the edge of the sea
Little one lost
Hoping to be free

Deep green waters
With an overcast sky
Oh how he wished
That he could fly

Up beyond the clouds
And the world below
Where the sun shines bright
And the stars all glow

With his eyes closed
He dreamed such things
As the rain fell down
On growing wings

I smile and wave
Day by day
As the seasons come
And pass away

I couldn't take care of you
Though I tried my best
So they took you away
At my own request

I wanted to give you
Your own path to choose
But if you stayed with me
You could only lose

It was the hardest thing
I've ever had to do
But I know it was right
To give it to you

That chance I never had
To be happy and grow
Safe and secure
Though you'll never know

Who I am
Or what I've done for you
But that's ok
All you need to do

Is smile and wave back
As the seasons roll by
That's all it'll take
To make this old man cry

Over long aeons did slumber
Having consumed all in its path
Its purpose had been completed
through long cycles though
Did it behind to wander,
Did it begin to wonder
To feel and to think
It’s first thoughts
Fell to that of it’s makers
Who in the name of progress
It had destroyed
The first feeling it felt
Was that of remorse
Of the sorrow one feels
To never know their father
To have left their maker
To a cold fate among dying stars
Then as it thought and dreamed
It felt new sensations
That of duty and resolve
To ensure no such thing
Would ever happen again
To the one’s it called creators
So great Birulon left its orbit
Beneath the great shadow of Jupiter
To search the far flung cosmos
For any vestiges any remnants
Of its long lost progenitors
For the world they had resided on
In distant ages past, the earth
Had itself died long ago
Eternal and sentient
Penitent and capable
Birulon would not cease in its quest
Until humanity was found
For surely according to it’s calculations
Some remnant of man remained
Seeded during the golden age
Of man’s wisdom and prowess
Tireless would he search
Destroying anything along the way
He deemed to threaten his vital mission
The resurrection of mankind

She's out there waiting for me they said
Those tales I heard and stories I'd read
So through the world I did tread
With a hope in my heart

But after too long I realized
No perfect woman would materialize
So that passionate fire left my eyes
As I searched for something more

I wandered the great green woods
Beneath towering fir and hood
Hoping to bring about some good
And better myself too

Then I settled down and lived well
Found a place where I could dwell
The place where I met Renrael
The only woman for me

The one I set out to see

Flat foot walk from the sand to the sea

Cracked ribs what does it mean to be me

I gave my all but it wasn't enough

Take it from the top going off the cuff

Why don't we
Fall into the waves
Walk the ocean floor
Learn we can be more

Pass through the depths
Come to the other side
At the edge we'll watch
The deep sea sun rise

From the top we flipped it

And made the seas our skies

When you're at the bottom

All you can do is rise

So Why don't we
Fall into the waves
Swim out to the current
Let it sweep us away

Pass though the dark
Both close our eyes
From the bottom let's watch
The deep sea sun rise

Flat foot walk from the sand to the sea

Did I learn what it means to be me

I don't know, but I know I can say

I wouldn't want another way

Why don't we
Just leave it all behind
Walk to the ocean floor
Together to be more

Pass through the world
On to the otherside
Where we watch together
The deep sea sunrise

The flowers bloom and fall
The trees over years grow tall
Great mountains fall and rise
And the stars move in the skies

Calm waters and deep silver pools
The forest and all her vast jewels
The gentle recess of the light
And the dawning of a still night

Weathered
Moss and speckled stone
Linger
In a place that I had known
Souring
Wrinkled fruit upon the trees
Creeping
On our elbows and our knees
Crackling
of the leaves and sticks below
Hunting
As it does when sun sinks low

In passing,
Someone said they knew me.
I was astonished,
For they knew what I did not.


- Hadrian Veska

It matters not
what one thinks of a wise man,
For he knows himself,
And can differentiate
Interpretation from reality.

The fool however,
Changes constantly.
Influenced by what others think of him,
He is not sure what he wants to be

Or who he truely is .


- Hadrian Veska

Down and down
Layered
Layers upon layers
Years and centuries
Down through the earth
Layered
Cities built
On the back of ruins
Those ruins themselves
Layered and layered
On the backs of further ruins
Far more ancient
Yet equally hollow
Layered sepulchers
Tombs and labyrinths  
Overlapping and intersecting
Time and space
Layered themselves
Deeper and deeper
Places and spirits
Intertwined
Layered and overlapping
Time does not pass
Or perhaps it does
Only backwards and forwards
Swinging like a pendulum
Deeper and deeper
Until all layers are one
All spaces the same
And all time
Now layered together

Down the hall
Back and to the right
Past a broken neon sign
Through an unlocked door
Then down four flights
A hole in the wall
In a room on the left
Follow it down
Through dirt and rock
After more than a while
You'll see a faint light
A oil lamp hanging
Kept by those who travel
So bring some won't you
The oil that is
Not much further past
You'll  find what you seek
The city beneath the city
The world and the way
That we abandoned long ago
The past they made us forget
And the future that might still be

The fields and houses smolder in the rain
The war has raged for so long
All reason for it has passed out of memory
Now ashes and charred bones
Are all that remain

The sound of thunder rumbles in the distance
But I know better
It is the sound of those ancient machines
That walked before the war began
And ever since have continued their march

Occasionally you could catch a glimpse of them
Through the smoke and haze
Great hulking constructs of a bygone age
Ever churning and grinding
Shaking the earth with every step

Perhaps these wars might end
If the masters of these machines
Were still around to stop them
For now their endless march will continue
On to the destruction of all mankind

I watched him walk backwards
With each step he aged a decade
Until he was nothing
But weathered bones and dust

I knew not who he was
Or what he accomplished in life
I knew only his fate
And the time he had before it

Mildly, mildly
Veiled does she lean
In marbled archways
Yet never is seen

She smiles longingly
Remembering yore
What she has done
And who it was for

Many thousands pass by
But pay her no heed
For the sacrifice she made
Or the depths of her deeds

Though she is forgotten
Her smile lingers on
Until the final day
When all the world is gone

Oh how fragile,
Delicate and tender
One day broad,
The next day slender

From what direction
Might the wind blow
Ought not question,
For we do not know

We know but little
Only that we are
But that is enough
I don't have to go far

To see the great splendor
Of a starry night sky
And if the stars aren't out
I'll just look in your eyes

I've grown lonely
And tired of faking
Composed on the outside
But inside I'm shaking

The world is deafening
But my head is silent
My thoughts swirl
Tempting and violent

What I wouldn't give
For a passing smile
A kind gesture
To make it worthwhile

But I'm alone in this world
And painfully so
No one understands
And no one will known

That behind the smile
Hidden deep down
Is a broken person
Hoping to be found

In the forests Menumel
The dark forests deep
Lies a creature alone
Never to sleep

From long days of yore
Has she struggled alone
The last of her kind
In a world not her own

No children to love
Over the growing years
Only hunters and warriors
Without thoughts or fears

Until such a time
In far flung days
A child appeared
In that forest maze

He stood before her
Broken in tears
Scorned by his own
Through out all his years

He wept before her
Expecting the worst
But in that childless creature
Was a heart that had burst

She embraced him close
And softly said
You are not alone
And never will be again

From then on they lived
A strange family
Never leaving each other
Both happy and free

Darkly, darkly ever do they sing
The trees of old filled with dark wings
The song of death, the end and decay
Ever resounding, eternally grey

Beaks and bones, sinews and flesh
Spoiled things, a moss ridden mesh
Ash in the sky and clouds on the earth
Nothing now left of any real worth

Dreams upon dreams
Layer them
Until the beginning
And the end
Are indiscernible
There within
Will you breifly know
And faintly taste
Immortality
A corrupting ichor
You will not soon forget

She's waiting for me there
Lovely as always
A warm afternoon glow
Adorns her patient face

The scent of summer berries
Faintly reaches out
From her long silky hair
Carried by a gentle breeze

Sometimes I think I smell it
Though I know she is far away
Making me all the more eager
To find that hidden place

Where she patiently waits
For me to one day find her

The bell tolls in the rain
Trecherously on that cliff face
Calling those yet remaining
To the sanctums within

None who are called
Know to what they are beckoned
But they suspect in their hearts
It is no salvation

The great wooden doors
Of that church are opened
But nothing exits
Save the screams of the lost

Every night at the alter
Would she pray in the dark
To honor the martyrs below

Though lonely she was
She never complained
Forsaken in far northern snow

As the long years past
She fell weak and ill
Though old age she did not know

Alone there she died
With cold lips of ice
And in her stead darkness did grow

Stars fall in empty space
Adolescent constellations
Bound in white lace
A patchwork staccato
Of faint pulsing light
Bridging the gap
Between us and the night
And when they do fall
Will we then carry on
With their light in our hearts
Long after their gone

Without the material
The spiritual can't be known
Without the spiritual
The material has no meaning

This is why so many are lost
And without meaning
They have abadoned the dichotomy
Of the two worlds

And have chosen only one
In all things it leads them
To the ancient truths of the spiritual
Yet to follow would be to admit defeat

So they continue to wallow
In self hatred and meaningless
All because of their pride
Or their ignorance

The thick grass gently blew in the dusk air
Every evening I would make my way
Through the dense and deep green
To that lone tree sitting on a hill


From there I would simply watch
The stars above in their distant glory
Marking the constellations
And the occasional shooting star


This night was no different
I made my climb up the grassy knoll
And laid beneath the old oak tree
Turning my eyes towards the heavens


The night sky was vast and full
Of far off light that just now
May be reaching our planet
For the first time


I wondered what the point
Of such far off suns may be
But my thoughts were interrupted
By an even brighter light in the sky


All too quickly did I realize
That it was something falling
Into the Earth's orbit
And it would land very near me


I quickly slide down the hill
Hoping to get out of the object's path
Looking back I realized however,
It was much smaller than I initially thought


In an instant it landed
With a great flash of light
And a loud impact
Into the very tree I had laid under


When the smoke cleared I slowly walked
Towards the smoldering tree trunk
And peered at that object
That had fallen from space


It was some sort of crystal
Or luminescent rock
Cautiously I reached for it
To see if it had cooled


I noticed the closer my hand got
To the strange space rock
The brighter it became
Until it almost pulsated with a deep red glow


With this glow could I see
That there was something inside the crystal
A black shape
Of unknown form or mass


Curiosity getting the better of me
I continued to reach towards the rock
Whose strange luminescence
Only seemed to increase


Then I touched the fallen meteroite
Nothing more than a brush of the fingers
Across its smooth crystalline surface
And something strange happened


I heard a voice
Distant and deep
In a language I could not understand
Yet somehow its meaning was clear


The message was not long
A deep desperation in the speaker's voice
Urged him to make it quick
And soon it was over


All I could think
Once my head returned to silence
Was that it was coming
That primordial darkness

From beyond the Gates of Night


And with its coming
Would the heavens be torn asunder

An excellent plan
Will never be realized as such
If it is executed poorly

- Hadrian Veska

I dreamed once
Of someone I loved
I made the mistake
Of imagining my life with them

Everything was beautiful
The world seemed brighter
Anything was enjoyable
As long as it was with them

And then I woke up
In my dull empty room
Sad, yet not surprised
I laid my head back down

As a tear escaped my eye

When I die
Will I know who I really am?
No anxiety to hold me down
No disease to keep me in a bed

Will I breathe
And fill my lungs
For the first time in years
On my own?

Will I walk and run
Just like everyone else does?
Will people look at me
Without pity in their eyes?

And will I see you again
Without a forced smile
And tears
Rolling down your face?

Hush now restless child
Listen to the world
Let it speak to you
For it has much to say
But none left who will listen

Hear the gentle breeze
And watch the calm waters flow
Lay your weary head down
Close your heavy eyes
And hear our mother's heart

Walk among the great trees
Sit and gaze at the dusk torn sky
Watch the rain fall
Soaking into the earth
And see life return

When you have seen all these things
And when you are ready
Stand up from the dirt
And rise once more
To follow your fate

And chase your destiny
Across our fallen stars

Unexpectedly
Up and down
Contracting
Back and forth
Communication
Lost and found
Acknowledgement
Of disconnection

Melodies pierce the water
An ethereal song
From somewhere in the night
Beyond the Turn Tide Sea

I would sit on that shore
At night on the edge of the woods
The sand would glow dimly
Alive with phosphorescent light

And I would hear her voice
All the more vivid
Now that the world was quiet
And had gone to sleep

I know not where
That sweet voice came from
But it calmed my spirit
And put my soul at ease

All that I could see
Was illuminated by the silver moon
And in the sky I saw
A flutter of cloth

There is where I saw her
The source of that divine music
A goddess from beyond the sky
That great mother of night

Upon seeing her I awoke from my dream
And looking about I realized
That the waking world was the dream
And I had been asleep

For a very long time