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Gwendolyn May 2014
I'm failing
And it's scary
Terrifying
I can't help it
I'm a failure
I'm fat
Ugly
Stupid
And average
I'm failing
But only at school
Because if I pass
All my classes
Then I will win
This summer
Just you watch
But first I have to pass
Gwendolyn Apr 2014
Welcome to the Steel and Porcelain Tour
All aboard the Steam Engine
And before you ask
Yes this is run on the tears
Of the people
From this tour

Here lies the happiness of a broken girl
Under the dirt
In an unmarked grave
This is the spot where
Innocence is lost

Over there is
The confidence
Of the boy from your class
Ripped away and discarded unwillingly

That pile on your left
Of undiscovered talents  
Paintings, Books
The cure to cancer and the common cold

And those papers over there
Are the cases that went unsolved
Rapes, kidnappings, murders
And then there's the patient records
Surgeries that didn't go well
Too many patients, not enough doctors
Don't forget the suicides from the psychiatrists
That didn't make it too college

Last stop
The pills and blades and ropes
This parts a bit gruesome, so you might want to
Close your eyes
This is a few of the ways used by the people
This tour is about

And that concludes your tour.
Come again
And don't forget
Words hurt.
Gwendolyn Apr 2014
Do you realize
How Beautiful
You are?
The way
Your hair
Flys when
You run
The way
You smile
But it's
Never
At me
I don't
Deserve
You
Or your
Happiness
We can't
Be friends
Because
It hurts
Too much
When
You smile
At me
Platonically
But no
One can
Know
Because
I've locked
Myself
Inside a
Closet
That I
Lost the
Key to.
Gwendolyn Apr 2014
There is this girl you see
She's crazy
And beautiful
And she scares me

She tells everyone
That she is ok
That she's better
That her demons are gone

I can't help but worry
But can you blame me
She had a date
She was in a hurry

Never have I been so glad
For the loose ends she needed to tie
For everything that kept her here
And please don't be mad

Because she relied on me
To keep her strong
So I was, for her
I only cried where she couldn't see

She needed a rock
I made a front
A flimsy cover
I knew she couldn't handle the shock

She didn't hold me back
No matter what she says
I needed her
She gave me the confidence I lacked.

I get the reasons for her scars
She doesn't believe me though
She thinks I would never know
She doesn't understand my souls black as tar

Pretty soon my cover will fall
She will see how broken I am
And I will try to build it again
Pretty soon she will get it all

There is this girl you see
She's crazy
And beautiful
And she scares me
This is about a girl that I love more than the world. She's my favorite cousin and my best friend. I hope you are here till the very end.
Gwendolyn Apr 2014
No one knows
What happened that night
They night the four girls
Decided to join there sister

A window took the youngest a couple months before.
She fell on a railing
Because she couldn't take it anymore

The next was the oldest swinging from the fan
Decided no one understands

Next was the middle child head in an oven
She felt like nothing

Second to the top was stuffed with drugs
She didn't feel any love

The last to go as only 14
She sat in a car and it filled up with steam

No one knows what went on in the house
Just that 5 young girls were dead now
An overbearing mother shutting them in
She couldn't stand anymore sin.
Based off of the ****** suicides
Gwendolyn Apr 2014
I know I shouldn't be scared of you
I know I shouldn't double check the locks
on the doors and windows every night
It doesn't do anything
You always find a way in
You slither into my room
Invading my thoughts
You keep my up at night
I used to stay up to keep you away
You used to be afraid of the light
But now you're not afraid of anything
So I'm afraid of everything
I used to be indifferent
Apathetic
But the constant loss of sleep
And the continuos unbearable stress has made me grind my teeth again
My canines are almost flat
And maybe that's why you're not afraid of me anymore
I am no longer a threat
I'm barely a person and you're not helping
Go back to juvie because I can't
Deal won't your drug anymore
You won't let me focus
Stop standing outside my window
I said no
But you didn't listen
And now I've started sleeping with a knife under my pillow again
I wish you would just leave me alone
But you can't and I understand that
So next time you try to **** yourself over me
Let me know so we can talk
You know I don't like you
And I know you think you love me
But you don't know me
No one can love me
Because
There is nothing left to love
You call me beautiul
And that makes me uncomfortable
Because I hate when people lie to me
How can you look at my disfigured soul
And see anything less than
Complete failure
I'm a mess
But I don't want you to clean me up
Because I can't think in a spotless room
I can't find a thing when it's put away
It's like reverse OCD
But you don't understand that
So you stand outside my living room window
Waiting for a glimpse of me
Because I don't answer the door when you knock
You pound on the door like the pounding in my room
From the rocks you throw at my window
Pretty soon it's going to crack
And the I will have to tell people about you
There is a reason I no longer sleep with my shades up
I don't want you to watch me anymore
So please just leave me alone
Like I said, it's not a metaphor...
Gwendolyn Jan 2014
How do you **** something that is inside you
Cutting your wrist?
No that doesn't work
Stop eating?
No that does nothing except hurt
Purging?
No, it's still inside
How do you **** something that is part of you
That is you
A part of you
Not a small part
Or even half
It consumes you
But
It hates people
Friends
People who want to help
It kills it
Smothers it
So let someone help
I want to help you
I'm not using the passive form of you
Not a general you
But you
Specifically you
I want to help you
I understand what so feels like to be dead inside
To have nothing to lose
So let me give you something to live for
And then maybe
I might have something to live for too
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