The idea is so nice
That there could be a me and you
A me with a you
Just the idea of you being mine
Buts a smile on my face
And happiness on my mind

Mirror mirror on the wall
I know I'm not the prettiest of them all
Because I live in a judgmental society
That thinks peoples looks tell all
Mirror mirror on the wall
Stop pointing out our flaws
We already know them
And it tears people apart

Its funny how friends can be
So close but so far away
Or so far away but so close
Its funny how
Some friends talk forever online
but barely say a thing in person
And some talk forever in person
But barely say a thing online
Its funny how you can miss a friend
but feel them with you all the time

Only time knows how moments come and go
Only I thought these moments could last

Here's a poem for my mother
My favorite teacher of all
She never stood in front of a whiteboard
She didn't have me raise my hand to ask a question
She was just always there when I needed her
She taught me how to be kind
And this needed no lecture
She was just the kindest person I knew
She taught me to fall in love with language
She never led me to believe that I had a reading level
She shared with me what she wrote
And she shared with me what she read
And even if I didn't fully understand
It still felt like magic
Knowing that words could create different worlds
And she taught me how to do just that
How to create a world with language
She never had to give me a grade
Because I passed creating something I was proud of
And she still teaches me
With everything she does
And this is why to me she's the best
Teacher
Poet
And of course mom

I didn't mean anything
Nothing I said mattered
I could lie and say I hate you
But it would hurt me more than you
Forget it now it's done
Now no one is what you've become

I'm not here for small talk
I want to avoid the wave of
okays
and blank faces
I don't wish to drown in
meaningless conversations

How are you?
This isn't a surface level greeting
Dig deeper
How are you feeling?
Is your mind your enemy today?
Or your friend?
Or is there a disconnect, like an acquaintance?

How's the weather today?
I'm not talking outside
I can check that myself
but what is the weather in your head
Is it bland?
Is it nice?
Do you need protection?

Do you like this place?
This physical space
When you fully engage in the world
Do you like it?
What would you change?

What do you like to do?
How do you spend your time?
When the world is crashing down
What helps?

I'm not here for small talk
So don't get alarmed
When I try to get to know you

I'm not sure
That this is who I really am

We all have to fall
into this oblivion
This dark
This new
but if you open your eyes
I'm here too
I know the path well now
I brought a light
And if you want me to
I'll walk by your side

I love how I can transform words
into art
but I'm lost as to what I want
when the side of me
the one that hides in the dark
that holds hands with melancholy
grips onto anything
onto everything
that might make it worthwhile
is the one that writes so effortlessly
but the side of me that is most at peace
has trouble writing more than a line

Please
Pull me up
Or drop me
I'm done waiting

Broken and pretending
Lost in nothing
Winning by default
losing by rule
Can’t stop the patterns
Nothing is cool
Can’t stop pretending
Now who are you?

I'm a puzzle
But half of my pieces
were thrown away
So I keep adding pieces
From different puzzles
I guess I'd rather be whole
Than be right

Looking up at the sky
Then back at you
You're sitting so close
But you're so distant
Different worlds
Different start
I'm reaching out
You're not reaching back
Just reaching further away
Targeting my pain
'Cause I let my emotion get away

This is the list of reasons I cant write
You

What does the color remind you of
The color red?
It reminds me of something
I miss
Something I can't have
and something I can't be
it's hard because the color is so pretty
Why must it remind me of you?
Why does everything
remind me of you

When your walls crumble
you build them taller
you build them stronger
so no one can break you
then when you do break
you have no one to blame
other than you
but when you reject yourself
it's rejection just the same
no one loves you
and no one can
because you build
the wall up again
but a reject is all you've been

I fear rejection
Yet I told you how I felt
And now I'm waiting here
With this nothingness
And that's one problem
With speaking through glass screens
But every time I speak to you
I find myself anxious
And I feel like I'll get rejected
But I usually
Reject myself
Before I get rejected by anyone else

I've read my poems
over and over
It seems like the only person
I can connect with
Is me...

You count romance
With rose petals
I count romance
In glances
You count love
In presents
I count love
In time spent
You keep counting
I stop

Just a stupid morning
Of sticking to routine
Just a tired morning
Not getting any closer to my dream
Just a boring morning
Out of bed
Dressed
Breakfast
Out the door
Is this how it is to live
Or am I not living at all

I wonder sometimes
If it's just me who's running away

You're the only one
Who can save me from myself

There seems to be
No other way to
Say goodbye

You don't find scars on my skin
So you think I'm just fine
You don't see in my eyes that I cried all night
But some of us don't wear our scars like clothing
Some show scars in poetry written in the dark
Where they feel the rawest emotion
And I'm one of them
I bleed my emotion into poetry
And hope you can make sense of it more than I can
So someone can you tell me
How am I feeling?

Get a grip
You're losing it
The pain you feel is just a trick
The story is always really thick
There's nothing you can say except goodbye
If nothing else you're alive
Get a token
You're so broken
Pain slashing through your mind
You're breaking
You're shaking
Tears are rolling from your eyes
Silent screams for help
Coming out loud
But you've left
You're gone
And you were the only one I had left
No one to save me
Oh well it's done
I might have ended it for myself
If I hadn't fallen so hard that I'm gone

I found
a far away place
for my dark secrets

Stores keep selling beauty to girls
Now the sad fate is
They don't know their beauty comes from within

Seven billion people
Struggling through tears
Struggling through fears
Struggling through the day
Seven billion people
Hoping for change
Hoping for love
Hoping for the next day
Seven billion people
Just wanting to make it through
Kind of like you

We are stuck here
We are lost here
Wandering
Here
In this
Sick state of mind
Delusional
Just in time
For more lies
Forcing us
To stay alive
As the monsters
Creep inside

Some
Mean
I've reached happiness
Like some plead
Escape

Some play in creation
Some play in heart
Some play in moments
Some play in daydreams
Some play in happiness
While some of us are stuck in the dark

Noticing little things
Like that piece of the conversation
When everything seems right
Even when you know it shouldn't
Like when you realize that
You're still breathing
Your hearts still beating
It may be natural but it's still
Wonderful
Exciting  
Beautiful
I have to go
Goodnight
Turning please don't go to
I'm glad we talked
Even if it wasn't for long enough.....
Noticing the smile you forgot
Smile for tomorrow, today, and yesterday
Smile for me smile for you
Even if it's totally wrong
It's just so right
Oh well goodnight
Goodnight not
Goodbye
And that's why it's just so right....
So completely right

I don't understand
I'm freaking out once again
I'm sorry
I truly am
What is wrong with me
I don't even like arguing '
Plus I never win
Talk to me
Please I want to know
Talk to me please
Fine I'll just go

I never let a friend
Help me stand
When I fall
I let myself fall again
You can't see me
Broken and bent
I'm not the one
You want to fix

Just let me cry
You shouldn't care
You never noticed
When I was there
Still you called me stupid
When I wouldn't work
Painfully playing my emotions
Because you're supposed to be my friend

I guess I'm awful
Because I can't talk in front of class
I'm not as stupid as you think
I had the answer in my head
I could have choked it out
Could have dealt with the panic
I'm sorry I didn't want the pain
So I couldn't earn our group stupid points
I mean I know they were more important
Than my mental heath

I never come to you with my problems
But whatever, come to me with yours
I'm sorry I'm not helpful
But your problems
Should obviously come before mine
It doesn't matter the tears are blurring my vision
Of course it's my fault
I can't be a better friend

I shut you out
You were only trying to help
But you can't
I'm not solvable
So stop acting like I am
You don't know what's wrong

What does it mean to have spoken?
Does it mean that words were projected out loud?
Does it mean that behind those words is a meaning?
Does it mean that there is a voice that should be heard?
Does it mean there is someone there to hear the words being said?
Does it mean protection?
Does it mean threats?
What does it mean to have spoken?
Does it really mean anything at all?
How can it be determined?

Still shot
Still moment
Still hoping
To get back what I lost

Sometimes I want
To get lost
Out in the sky
Pause reality for a second

I want to listen
I want to hear every word so clear
I want to talk to you
I want to feel close to you
Like I haven't before
I want to hear everything
In honesty so true

I wish to be trustworthy
I wish to be a good friend
I wish you will see me as I am
I wish you would like me
As I like you
I wish I would stop wishing
Because my wishes never come true
But then again
I wished for a friend
And I got you
I wished to experience heartbreak
I can see that coming too

I'm begging summer
Can you please stay?
I don't want to go back to that place
I feel so small
Even walking down the halls
Just get to class
You'll be okay
Hoping that the teacher doesn't call my name
Just a hello
And I panic and look away
When lunch comes I don't want to eat
So many people I can barely breathe
Help me summer
I wouldn't have to feel this way
If you would just stay

I'm not easy to manage
I have a storm in my mind
Trying to find its way out
And I will grip unto you
Like I've never seen sunlight
But you don't need to calm the storm
I just like to know there's still light

In a hushed tone
All things sweet came and
Talked for hours and hours on
Fighting away all that's scary
Telling me it's okay
That nothing will harm me
I let them comfort me
I gave them my trust
When they relaxed me enough
I drifted into the land of sleep
There I rest peacefully
Till the sweet things came
As the monsters they really are
Then came the things that were scary
They picked me up
And healed the bruises
Patched up the wounds
And it disproved what I was taught
That the pretty ones
Were the ones that deserved trust

I'm on a swing
Two chains
and a seat
I feel like I'm flying
or I could be dying
if I jumped
but the ground isn't too far from my feet
but the sky isn't too far out of reach
and I like to come back
to this swing set
when everything's too much
all my dreams
out of reach
grip the chains
and pump my legs
until my hands are blistered
from holding the chains
and my hips are in pain
from the force of the seat
because this is where I realize
if I push hard enough
nothing is too far from my reach

You made me cry
so you could wipe my tears

I'm always in the way
It doesn't matter what I say
I have no power
I'm just a child
but I'm not as cute
I'm a teen
I'm in between
Always in between emotions
But the difficulties
They're constant

I still dream of you sometimes
Press snooze
Just ten more minutes
With the idea of you
With the idea I'm not alone
That someone would look at me
With amazement in their eyes
Just ten minutes
Okay?

So I go back to that day
With those weird conversations
With my Awesome friends
Having fun
Laughing too much
Choking on pop
Then we talk
And the rest of the world
Seems less important
No more worries
Just happiness
And fun
And it replays like that
Whenever we talk

Sometimes the dark haunts me
it makes me fear it
Sometimes it calms me
and relaxes me to sleep
But every so often it taunts me
because sometimes i want
to disappear into it

The day we met
Will never be forgotten
The sun was shining through
Reflecting on the ocean oh so blue
Sparkling like diamonds
Like your eyes do too
With a smile that can be seen
From miles away
Gravitating me towards you
My heart skips a beat
When you call my name
My life will never be the same
You are my Romeo
I am your Juliet
The moments we spent together
I will never forget
You showered me with diamonds
And other fancy things
Taking me to dinner
And pulling out my seat
Treating me like royalty
But clearly it was never meant to be
Because it was only in a movie.

I'm the girl no one wants to be
I've always been to afraid to speak
So I can't hold myself up
When you knock me down
I just keep getting further in the ground
It seems like you're trying to dig me a grave
But I don't want to die
I've been counting day
Till I can get away
Far enough away
You'll never see me break