I can almost just see
How I'll be when I'm old
Gone a little distant
A little cold
From all the things I was never told
Pushed to the edge
With a loose hold
Always afraid of drowning
But even more afraid of never letting go
Till one day
I break the hold

You're the kind of person
Who puts me at ease
You're the kind of person
Who makes me daydream
You're the kind of person
Who makes me feel right
You're the kind of person
Who smiles so nice
You're the kind of person
I want to be with

I'm running out of things to say
I'm running out of songs to play
I guess I'll have to face it
You're the only thing coming to my mind

I don't know how you can look at me
And insist you've done nothing wrong
Like I should believe you
But by now I know you
I know how you turn it on me
Though I didn't do anything particularly wrong
Yet you blame me
You make me feel small
So you can act big
But you can stop the act
No need for a show
This isn't a game
So there's nothing to win
Though you'll keep your act till the end
You don't deserve a trophy for it
I wasn't pleased with your act
I won't stand back transfixed
I won't shed tears
Because this time
I didn't believe the performance

This kind of love hates you
This kind of love hates me
This kind of love hates us
This kind of love is hate

I wish I wasn't in this place
Everything's so far from grace
I wish I wasn't here
not this place

I'm a ticking time bomb
Just about to go off
No matter what you do
You're in my mind
All the time
Tick
Tick
I'm gone
Remember me
Because I can't remember you
It's done
Already gone

Seconds. Minutes.
Hours. Days.
Never going  
fast enough.
Never going
slow enough.
Living just
to watch them fade.
Please go away.

Today I'm craving touch
I'm craving that the outside world will remind me I'm real
Or maybe I'm craving the absence of
The world
Maybe I'm craving the absence of myself
Maybe I'm craving to disappear

Today I'm craving knowledge
The knowledge of what I want

Today I'm obsessed with this nothing
The restraints are comforting

What's this feeling
Because it seems I've been torn apart

Have you heard the broken words?
Of a happy girl
On a sad day
Have you read the letters
Almost Illegible
And tear stained
Addressed to the past
And even though she could have a bright future she only looks back
Have you heard the cries too familiar you can't sleep
Have you realized where you put your energy?

My travelers heart crosses maps with all of these words

The tears jolted me awake
Past
Present
Future
What will you take?
Sleep on it
Can't sleep
Fail to answer
Then it answers for me
Trick question
You have nothing

I awoke just to see the rainfall wash me away

These wasted days
Remind me of what
I'll never be

We're a romance for how my heart beats for you
We're a sad story for how that statement isn't true for you
We're a comedy for the humorous irony of me and you
We're a a fiction because it will always be me space you
We're a fantasy because the concept of we're is all in my head

Was it you?
Was it me?
Whoever it is
Whatever happened
I am happy now

What if I left
Leaving you only
A broken compass
To tell where I am

They show us what it means
To be perfect
How we need to look
Beautiful
That's what we need to be
Perfect
Smile
Hair
Face
Clothes
Weight
They teach us
Jealousy
Not to be yourself
Picture perfect

They show us what it means
To be perfect
What we need to achieve
Smart
That's what we need to be
Perfect
Scores
Grades
Memory
Student
Ideas
They teach us
To exceed every expectation
To set high expectations
Academically perfect

They show us what it means
To be perfect
What we need to build
Creative
That's what we need to be
Perfect
Ideas
Words
Art
Thought
Product
They teach us
To be spot on
We can't make mistakes
Imaginatively perfect

They show us what it means
To be perfect
When sadly
They don't even know

The things I don't tell you
When you ask what I've learned
My friends care
But sometimes they don't know how to care for me
I can be with my friends and still be lonely
People can love me
Even when I don't
I can love how people feel towards me
That doesn't mean I have feelings back
If I love someone
Don't
Relationships are a mess
I'm a mess
But I'm not always the problem
I'm not the answer either
Its good to help when I can
But sometimes I can't
Its okay to leave problems unsolved
I don't need to know everything
I'm still learning

I wonder what will become of me?
If I'll ever be what I want to be
Could I ever be looked up to?

Where do we go?
Because it seems like we're gone.

Who are you to bring me pain?
Who are you to destroy me?
Who are you to tell me I'm not pretty enough?
Who are you to reject me?
Who are you to mock me?
Who are you to repeat this everyday?

The answer is my brain

I've stopped searching
for my missing pieces
Not because I'm whole
but because
I finally
feel
alive

Crossed out words
On crumpled up pieces of paper
Thoughts that made it out of my head
Words that escaped me
Making a huge mess
Why can't I get my feelings right on paper?
Why can't my feelings be right at all?

I say I'm okay
but I'm not
I'll have my good days
and I'll have my worst
but until the day
I go to bed without
a feeling of dread
or tears on the bed
pounding in my head
the inability to catch my breath
I'm not okay

I won't truly be okay
Until the day
I can say hello
without having to rehearse it
or wonder if I said it
too quiet
or too loud
if it even came out
and worrying if
the conversation will go past that

If the most I say
about how I'm feeling
is okay
and you had to ask in the first place
I'm probably not

If I'm more worried
if you're okay
than I'm probably not
because until I unlearn
how to pick everybody but myself up
I'm not

I say I'm okay
so you don't have to worry about me
but I'll still cling to all the care
and love you give to me
because I'm still unsure
if its all I get
so until the day
I don't feel the need
for reassurance that you care for me
I'm not okay

Until the day
I can no longer relate to this
I'm not okay
but I'm working on it

I get envious
I get jealous
When people have poems with 40 some reactions
It's not even about attention
It's just I hope
Something about me
The words I put out for you to see
Are worthwhile

I believe in you
I believe in this
Every life is worthwhile
And no ones life is worth more
As our value can’t be counted in dollars
Or any other types of currency
So know your life is worth more
Than mountains of gold
Or the rarest of ores
And it’s not worth any less
Than the lives of your favorite celebrities
Just cause your talents aren’t shared
And your story isn’t told
doesn’t mean they aren’t worth it
And if you have the time to share
I’d love to listen and see
Who’s the person
Behind the beautiful face we can see

No one knew how I felt
I smiled till I was by myself
Didn't see the tears I cried

Bullied me
When I didn't talk
Never said a word to them

Scared of my own friends
The few that I actually had

  Run to bathrooms just to cry

And you say I wouldn't understand

I want to write a poem
That will set you free from harm
I want to write a poem
That you can hold nicely in your arms
I want to write a poem
That has it's own personality
I want my poem to dance freely
On the edge of imagination and reality
I want it's softness to put you to sleep
I want it to hold you with it's warmth
I want it to entertain you with it's playfulness
I want it to be the readers friend

I want to ask
What reminds you of me?
But if you were to ask me back
I couldn't pick one thing
Because my mind likes to bring
Everything back to you
But then maybe my answer is
That I remind myself
Of you

What is it
That makes my mind run to you?
With all of this madness
I guess it's good
To have some perfection in my head
At least thinking of you is never a waste
But it always does keep me awake
But sleep isn't that important anyway
You're like a song
Constantly playing in my head
But I can never get tired of you
Because you will always be
You

I've never believed in fairy tales
I don't need to be a princess

I don't have high expectations
Because i want to achieve them

But you'll still be my what if...

You're my nights
You're my light
My tea
And poetry
You're everything
That makes me feel me
Everything that makes me feel right
A sad goodnight
And a cheerful good morning
A warm hug
Holding tight  
You're what makes my days bright

I can remember
smiling and laughing
though when I'm sad
its not what i think of
even if it should be
still smile when you can
and don't make yourself suffer
you can't chose how you look
so be proud you're yourself

This is life

So you will cry

Learn the truth  

Learn to lie

Selfish games

We will play

Feel the wound

Fight the pain

Find your path

Find your pain

Find your sorrows

Lose the game

Find your wound

Deepen it

There's nothing left

No one wins