I used to be afraid of picking up broken pieces
For a fear of getting hurt
But now it's an obsession
I observe the sharp edges
Run my fingers across jagged points
If I bleed I hope it might act like glue
I want to mend the broken pieces
Because I'm broken too
And maybe if I fix this
I can be fixed too

frozen in a moment
cradled with emotion

color or black and white
saved for a time

smile or cry
scream or laugh
today or tomorrow
flash or no flash

press a button
take a picture
now it's all
saved in pixels

My daughter when you were little
You called butterfly's flutterby's
Because they effortlessly flutter through the skies

As a child I was as carefree as a butterfly
I always wanted to fly through the sky
But my butterfly dreams were just dreams
And they fluttered by "bye"
Resisting gravity unlike I

My darling daughter the years
Have so quickly fluttered bye
But I always cherish any moment spent with you
You always give me wings
And a song that I can sing

Flutter bye
Goodbye
I love you like the sky
And through the moments
We'll both fly away

I like to forgive and forget
but if I forgive I can't forget
'Cause something still lingers
Because by forgiving
I let you back in
So forgive me for not forgiving you
But don't hold on to this forgiveness
Because I'll be forgetting you

I should wear a sign that says fragile
but instead I wear fake strength
and pretend that I don't break

Let me love you
From afar
From way back here
In this dark
In this cold
I won't hold
On to you
I'll let you go
I'll stay right back here
Froze

He tied an anchor to her
Threw her in the deep end
When she came out with a fear
Of drowning
All they did was ask her
Why she'd go under
If she knew
She wouldn't be able to breathe

I found myself in a land free of troubles
Then came shaking
The world turned inside out
Now the falling
Panic rushing through me
What was that?
Faint whisper
I can't make it out
Then it comes louder
You
Need
To
Wake
Up
Then it all crumbles
I'm back
Good morning

And as I say goodnight I hope
Good nights with you
Will always mean I'll miss you

I swear my stomach
Doesn't know about Gravity
Because I can feel it
Trying to fly away
Leave the world behind
It jumps high
It even does flips
But it can't fly
However I understand why
It will continue to try

Not all the poetry I've shared
is up to my current standards
some hurts to read
knowing I thought
that it was good enough to share
but I don't want to delete any of it
because if I delete who I used to be
how can I prove I've grown

Conversations
Make me happy
Usually...
Conversations with you
Make me happier
Usually...
I am happy
Sometimes...
I am sad
A lot...
But I'm me
Like that matters...
Smile
Why not...

These happy little thoughts
Stretch on and on
Through the night
Eyes closed tight
Electronic beeps
Waking me from my dream
I'll be back before you know I'm gone
Half the day in daydreams
Away
Far away
In these happy little thoughts

He brought back her bright smile
From when she was a child
But he didn't need her smile
He just wanted her affection
To ease his own fears
And soon she'd drown in her own tears
As she realized that
The only reason it got so bright
Is that she was getting run over

I'm here for you
I truly am
I wish you said
What you really meant

She said her goodbyes
Like she was leaving town
She said her goodbyes
Like we might run into her tomorrow
Too bad her goodbyes lasted so much longer

What would you highlight
In a book of your life
What's most important
Most exciting
Most inspiring
What reminds you everything's alright
And
Would you ever think to highlight my name?

It was something I was told
A story so old
I barely bothered to listen
So lost in translation
I couldn't understand what it meant
But i stumbled upon it
When I thought I had lost it
Looking up and seeing the sky still
I was in motion
Turns out it was in motion too
You see I always looked right through
Like it was glass and I had no option than to
Find someone to place my blue unto
Because it wasn’t something to be held
I always wondered why it was dreary
It made me so weak and weary
That's why I get the meaning so clearly
But as always it didn’t say what I wanted it to
So I threw it to you
As I always do
But it turns out you have a limit too
So you fall and you break
And I just shake my head and walk away
‘Cause I have nothing left to hold unto

Am I a hopeless romantic
Or a hopeless girl
I'm always dreaming for something more

She is always in a hurry
So happy when the snowflakes fall in a flurry
In the shops as soon as it becomes November
Wrapping gifts in early December
Giving what she bought away
Happy that it's Christmas day
And then only the next day
Sad to see the year was the same
So tired of the sorrow filled game
Hoping that next year she will change
Hopes for next year all the same
Hoping this on new years day
Hoping...
Hoping....
Doing everything the same

Sometimes I'm sensitive
Sometimes I'm strong
Sometimes I break
Sometimes I break free
Today I feel strong
Though tomorrow I may not
And that's okay
Because that's what makes me human

I say I'm done
with being treated like ****
because I'm a human
and I deserve respect
but I still get surprised
when I'm treated right
and I apologize
when I've done nothing wrong
but I do stand up for myself occasionally
so that's something
right?

I like the way you talk
There's nothing more I can add to that
I like the way you walk
Like you have somewhere to be
I like your smile and how it warms me
I like how your awkwardness seems confident
I like how you're caring
I like how you're sweet
I like how you want to say something
Then don't want to at the same time
I like how you ask questions randomly
I like how you're poem turned out
That you wrote when I asked so I could see your writing
I like your spelling and grammar mistakes
I like that you put up with me being sarcastic
I like how when you ask how I'm feeling
And when I respond honestly you don't judge me
I like how the more I learn about you
The more this list grows
I like you
And that's honesty

Here we go
You're part of the game
Because you didn't turn away
Your mistake
Sad nights
I lay awake
I like you
Why?
I'm not quite sure yet
It hurts
Then it doesn't
My life is the game
Now you're part of it
And you'll always be
Darling I'm sorry
You mean so much to me

You want to kiss my lips
Inhale my lightness
Caress my skin
But only at its softest
Hold my hands
When they're not icy cold
You are looking for someone to hold
Someone to be your cure
Without acknowledging you have problems
I want someone to show the world to
Not just sunsets over lakes
But also rigid rocks
That you can cut yourself on if you're not careful enough

You ask me if I'm okay
Then leave me
When I say
Yes
I am

I'm not a doll
I don't belong in a box with a label
I'm not a puppet
Don't try to control me
I'm not anything but myself
I am an individual
I defy society's pressure
To be anything but myself
I won't be labeled
Or controlled
Or molded into somebody else
I'm proud to be myself
Don't insult me for it
Because to be someone I enjoy being
Is far from an insult

Silence is torment
for it carries
lost hopes
and broken dreams

Numbs your mind
with words never said
and tears you've cried
and screams that
never left

Suffocating on the pain
this world always
leaves for me

I'm done with the silence
its time to make a sound
the words reach my lips
and I cry for help
but no one will hear me
because they left me by myself

I want to find a place

Where I can be alone

Where I don't think of you

                                                 but  

I don’t know where it is                

I would look but i can’t

It’s somewhere

                                                  I

Wonder where it is                    

How far away                                                

If  someone finds it                                                  

                                                  Would

They let me know

I wonder how long

It would take me to

                                                    miss

My life                                        

My home                                    

My everything...                          
                                                   You

Let me run silently
So you won't hear me
Let me run silently
So I can disappear into this nothingness
You left
let me run silently
To the edge
Let me run off the edge
Like a suicide
I'll be the dumb girl
Who went a little too far
Oh but I'm not scared of that
I'm scared you'll reach to catch me
Once I've fallen dead

I thought some of my fears
Might disappear over the years
But it seems like they're here to stay
In fact over the years
More seemed to have clung on
I'm not a little girl anymore
I think I'm much to mature for that
You might say I am
And I'll just friendly smile back
It's just another judgment on your part
And I'm so used to getting judged
It seems like routine
Since elementary school
Getting judged by appearance
The voice you speak
But I didn't really have a voice
So you judged me because of that
I was always more scared of girls than guys
Girls would hurt me emotionally
Guys would hurt me physically
And that was okay
At least the pain told me I was alive

It's hard to write poetry
When I have no motivation to do so
I'm just looking for inspiration
Somewhere
Anywhere
But I can't find it in me
So maybe you could help me
If you would talk to me
'Cause right now
I'm having a one sided conversation
And it's not going well
Because my words to me
Demotivate me
So would you please join this conversation
With me
Maybe I could be happy
But I've gotten sidetracked
With envy
And displease
Sometimes looking for the words to describe me
Sometimes trying to find me
Using sad music and poetry
Staring at the mirror
Long enough to find every flaw that bugs me
Getting in to arguments just to see if I can win
Then the begging comes in
'Cause I still want them to be my friend
I'm sorry but it hurt me
Every conversation you cut me off in
But don't worry I'm used to it
That happens to me with friend or not friend
But I know you care about me
You do right?
Did these words come out right?
Did it somehow turn into an apology?
Because I am sorry
But for what?
Maybe for always being wrong
Because someone once said that I always am
I'm wrong
It's true that I am
So here's the poem I tried so hard to write
And I sincerely apologize for it
Because these words might eat you
Like they ate at me  
Gripping unto something
Maybe the guilt inside me
And as it comes flowing out it's making me shaky
Hitting my nerves
On the way to escape me
Because even it wishes to leave me
So I'll beg once more
Please will you save me

I'm me for my hours spent on poetry
And my love of tea
And dancing off my energy
I'm me for singing quietly
And walking off shyly
But maybe I'm me for more than you can see
Maybe there's more to the hours spent in bed on netflix and tumblr
Maybe there's a girl that you don't see
She seems to think hiding is the best way to handle stress
And telling everyone she's okay will make her less of a mess
She rates herself lower than everyone she meets
She tries to communicate the best she can
But everything in her tells her to panic
And maybe I smile as much as I can
But something inside is crying out
And maybe I don't know me
Maybe that's something I'm still figuring out
Maybe I have all the pieces but they're mixed around
And maybe I could be more put together
But there's no such thing as perfection
So a little broken beauty won't hurt
I'm just another human
That has some things to figure out

Somewhere lost
is where i lay.
Words just go away.

Why does thinking of love
Make me think of you?
I don't even get it

Why is love thought to be so strong
When you can love a pair of shoes

Why is love tied with loss
Was it asked to

How does love tie with you?

And the person who loves me
Also really hates me

I wish to be a lullaby
A soft sweet tune
To lift the dread
And lull you to bed
I wish to be the singer
To sing for you
And hold your hand
As you sort out the day
I wish to be something you learn to love

The music plays
And I listen to the words
To the lyrics
Lyrics
I find their meaning
Deep within
And it plays once again
And I know what it means
I'm not okay
I cry it out
Screaming loud
So maybe someone will hear me
I'm one of the broken
Not one of the beauty

What do you do when madness contains you?
What do you do when silence breaks you?
Where do you go to get tomorrow?
Where do you go to lose your sorrows?
When will you see there is no light?
When will you see that you gave up the fight?
Who do you go to when you have no place?
Who do you go to when you lose the race?
Why do you find it so hard to believe?
Why do you find it so hard to leave?

On this map
This representation of an area
I marked 2 spots
One was me and the other was you
I ran my finger along the route between us
Telling myself that there was nothing in the way
Only a little space
There's a way from point A to point B
Nothing could get between us
Except for you were unmoving
And I was stuck
We are 2 separate areas on a map
But I was foolish enough to see the routes between us
And feel connected

The emotions become enough
I lay down for a moment and cry
Then shut my swollen eyes
The light is then gone
Darkness in that moment
And then to lay awake
Silent cries and soundless screams
A never fading nightmare

Gone and lost
Hopeless dreams
and memories
Fighting battles
Left unwon
Timeless moment
Timeless race

Smiling is no longer
An emotion
No longer
A friendly gesture
But only
Another mask

Now everyone's become
Emotionless dolls
Playing along
To mask the past
And the time to come

You come to me in a memory
You come as something broken
Something lost
Something long gone
You come as a message in a bottle
However the bottle broke
And the message is soggy
You come like midnight
Dark
A little too quiet
Or a little too loud to be happy
You come as a barrier
You get in the way of me moving forward
You come like an ice cold winter morning
A little too frozen to fix with coffee
You come as a memory of who I was
You come to tell me what I'm not
You come to me when I think I might be alright
But I'm not
You come to me in a memory
To remind me that's all I've got
A memory of something I lost

I wrote a mess
And I just don't get it

I am untold metaphors
that contradict each others existences
I am lightness
and darkness
and everything in between
I'm also the lack of the in between  
I'm the lack of existence
And existence itself
I am every extreme
but most importantly
no perfectly constructed poetry
can define me
and I wouldn't want it any other way

Midnight fights with myself
What's right?
What's wrong?
Moments of self doubt
'Cause I have yet to prove myself
Half asleep
Waiting to achieve
Something besides misery
Who could blame me
Just waiting for another day
Where I can fake me
Smiles so they can't see
Me breaking down