I know you think you realize
How I truly feel
But I don't think you recognize
What is really real
The hardest thing for me to show
Is all my actual pain
Because no matter how I share it,
It will never go away
I cry myself to sleep at night,
To try to tire myself out
Hoping that the nightmares I have,
I will forget about
That's just the bare minimum
And I am sorry to say
That you will never understand
Unless you see it my way

I wonder if you know
That I am doing fine
I usually don't
Understand why
Why did you leave
After promising so much
Mommy, Mommy, please
I just want one more hug

I  know it seems silly,  
But no one has asked why
Why it hurts so much
And why I always cry
Because the one thing in this world
I've wanted since I was young
Is for my bio mom
To save me from my tongue
I put myself down
I mess my world up
I hate it when I do these things
But I am not done

Mommy, could you tell
That I was hurt so bad?
That no matter what happened
I could not be saved
Unless I put my mind to it
And learned a different way
I won't be sure until I know
That I will be okay
Consistency is what I need
But it can't be that way

I miss my family
I miss the way
That we could act
Like it's okay
Because what I've  gone by
My whole life
Is
Fake it til you make it
And it'll be alright

Do you ever feel misunderstood?
Well with a story like mine you sure would
People sit there they don't know what to say
I go to therapy and they're blown away
Some people sit there
And act like they care
But then a new job comes along
They quit out of nowhere
I've been in treatment all together
For over 2 years
People asked if it helped
But it's different for everyone
Different homes
Different facilities
Different faces
Different bullies
Then, when you get out
It's just a fight
Constantly asked if you're alright
Sometimes it's yes
You never say no
Because you fear that back to treatment you'll go.

The thing about my bio mom
Is
Sometimes she tries
But
Sometimes she says things
That she knows will make me cry
I know she has a problem
But she has no right
She doesn't understand
She hasn't been in my life.

Then, there's this woman
I simply call her, "mom"
She's been with me since day one
Through everything I've done wrong
Helps me through my mistakes
Makes sure I know she's always there
She helped every day
To simply brush my hair

Sure, I want my bio mom,
But it's not worth the pain
I'll only put effort in that relationship
If she puts the drugs away

I will love my moms until the end of time,
But there's only one mom
That I am proud to call mine.

I am tired,
But I can't sleep
My mind knows what to say,
But I can't speak
You know what to do,
But it won't show
Which makes me think
That you don't know
The truth lies on the tip of your tongue,
But you act as though
You're the only one
This affects me
More than it affects you
Maybe one day
You'll speak the truth
You never loved me,
I just accented you.