It's Monday night
and I'm floating again
in the middle of an ocean
and I can't see the shore

I look up at the stars
(I can see thousands tonight)
and I'm not sure
I'm in the right place
anymore.

I'm grasping at anything
--I have to move somewhere--
and it's slipping through
my fingers
I just can't see the reason
of staying here anymore
when surely I'll drown
but I can't go anywhere else
so I wait for the current

It's Monday night
and I'm floating again
but this time I'm stranded

I know we've just met,
so don't take this too seriously,
but there's something I must confess:
Sometimes when I see you,
my heart does a flip,
and my muscles squeeze tight,
giving my stomach a hard hug
and taking my breath for a moment
Other times, I try my hardest to pry
my eyes away from you
they, of course, fight back,
they want to soak up the very sight of you,
so we compromise on sneaking glances,
when I think you're not looking
Still other times, I see you laughing,
flashing your smile at a friend's joke,
and I glimpse those bright white teeth
That perfect smile makes me want to smile, too,
just so we can have that one thing in common,
you and I smiling at the world
And that is why, whenever I'm around you,
I'm always sitting quietly
(because I'm trying to catch my breath),
I'm always looking away
(because I'm afraid you'll catch me staring),
and I'm always smiling like a fool
(because I think I might be falling in love with you)

last night, I pulled out all of my fears
every worry of mine
every thought that keeps me up at night
every piece of doubt

and I watched intently
as they were set on fire,
as they turned to ash,
as the smoke floated freely

and I took deep breaths
and everything is okay

I want to live in the
Hollow just above your collar bone
I'd like to leave all of my kisses
On your neck,
In the space just below your ear
I'd wake up just to watch
Your eyelids dance in your sleep
if only you'd give me the chance

your fingertips brushed up my bare back
you wrote poetry up my spine,
placed commas in the spaces between
my vertebrae

there are always certain places
to avoid after a breakup
because they remind you of lost love

I can't look in the mirror anymore
because I see you all over me

I want to sing a million love songs to you.

So here I am again

begging for your call
I promised myself
I wouldn't do it, but
this talk, it makes me
think

so here I am again

I'm a little lost and
confused, searching
in the sea of "what if"s
for the truth

so here I am again

wishing I could go
back to the start
I keep thinking it's
all my fault

so here I am again

I tried so hard to
put away all the
faded, hopeless
memories but they
floated back to the
surface

so here I am again.

they say she was broken too early
she picked up the pieces and
put them together crudely with tape
then she built the wall,
to hide her poor creation from the world

what they don't know is that her heart aches
just thinking of the city
her heart aches when she remembers the past
her heart aches when she sees his face
her heart aches because it will never be the same

when I'm out in the real world,
and I miss small town comforts,
your arms will be my home

Perhaps Emily said it best
when she said that hope is like a bird
but I believe for some,
hope is much more like a set of keys.
When it's lost,
life gets a lot more worrisome,
and it's hard to function.
But when it's found,
suddenly the world opens up again.

if I could, I'd play songs
so beautiful
they'd bring a smile to your face

I'd write words so strong,
so wonderful
they'd bring you to tears

I'd sing you a song
so perfectly true
that you'd fall in love with me

lay with me on the lawn
when it's too hot to move
and silently soak up the sunlight

dance with me while moonlit
to your favorite song
as the stars shimmer in our eyes

love every part of me,
speak to me in poetry,
and never let me go

I want to feel endless

wrap your body around mine
until I lose myself

if only for just a moment

take my hand in yours, so that,
when you pull away, you
take my sorrows with you

so even when you're gone I'm happy

run your fingers ever so gently
across my skin
I want every neuron, every nerve ending
to feel on fire, just once

because I need to feel alive

take me home,
kiss away the bad memories,
and let me sleep in your arms

I want to feel infinite.

in summer,
steel-hearted girls
play dress up,
hiding fears
in secret parts of their souls,
swallowing keys
to unvoiced thoughts,
and swearing
to keep their lips sealed tight

in summer,
steel-hearted girls
play dress up,
searching for the
perfect disguise

I think I started writing you away before you were gone
I wanted to make sure I could let you go before I did
I wanted to feel numb when I pushed you away
so I wrote
I put you on pages,
typed chapter titles for every single time you looked at me
I wrote until you were a novel,
read you until you were no longer novel,
and put you on a shelf so I could start waiting to forget about you,
a memory trapped in unused synapses

and after I shut your final chapter
but before your pages had started to collect dust,
I realized what I had done
See, I had taken each word from within me,
harvested my heartstrings, plucking them and mixing them to make ink,
The pieces of you I kept in my heart
sat as words on a page, aging
while my heart, once strong, felt too empty
and cavernous to beat under the weight of the sigh pinning down my chest

In all of my preparing
I had forgotten that I am human

I forgot feelings aren't like a fountain
there's no faucet you can turn off to keep them from
running through your mind
no way to stop them from flowing
back through your mouth when you try to
swallow them, mixed with ***, in your best friend's basement,
days after you forgot that you can't turn off a rainstorm
you can try to catch the raindrops in a bucket
but the bucket you'll need is big enough to drown in
you can try to hold out an umbrella
but if the wind is hard enough
you're still going to end up cold and dripping,
tearstained and shivering
waiting until the sun comes out

I forgot that I can't control the weather,
or anything other than myself for that matter
The end of a storm doesn't equate to the appearance of a rainbow

I realized that just because my fingers twisted around yours until
they melted together doesn't mean you'll forgive me
and that you left tattoos on me that only time will fade
and we're both going to be mad
I found out that
every song that ever reminded me of you doesn't cease to exist
I have to re-watch movies because they're different now, somehow,
and just because my hair is probably still all over your clothes
and I talked to you every day
and you gave me months of memories
and thinking about you is gut-wrenching
doesn't mean that I won't spend days praying for patience
and hoping for healing because
***** it, letting you go doesn't mean I don't miss you

There's something sad about the spring

The birds sing each other love songs
the girls wear their prettiest skirts and
hold hands with the boys who make them
feel beautiful

The weather warms up and the sun meets
the faces of the children who have stayed inside
all winter, kissing their noses and bringing back
the freckled faces that disappeared after September

Everyone and everything seems just a little happier,
a little sunnier, a little more full of the life that left
when everything went cold

All the while, I sit here and remember when,
nearly a year ago, I missed you with every ounce
of me and leaped at the chance to make something
work between us, the chance you never took

There's something sad about this spring

Looking back
At your black and white photograph
You were sweet
Like candy
Young and innocent
Funny, with hope left,
A half smile cracked on your face,
Always teasing,
Trying to fit in

It wrenches my heart
To see you that way
Because I miss him,
The boy you were then

It's painful to think what I'd
See in your face today,
Goonish smile,
Like a grotesque clown,
Eyes half-opened,
Mind half-awake,
Not quite enough anymore

Looking now
At your far-away eyes
I would see only half
Of the boy that used to be

I step out of my car
and walk to the door
ready to be welcomed
by the familiarity of
your home,
your warmth,
your calm,
--the things that make
me smile --
your happiness.
But I am welcomed
by a locked door,
and I can't seem
to remember which
is the spare key
(the one you
lent me months ago)
in the starless night.
I try each one,
willing you to open up --

"Is everything alright?"
Nothing.
"You know you can tell me
anything, right?"
Nothing.
"Why are you upset?"
Nothing.
"Is there anything I can do?"
Nothing.

-- to no success.
I'm locked out,
and I sit here in the dark,
wishing I had a light.

How do you smile when it feels like the butterflies in your stomach turned into termites? How do you laugh when they start gnawing at your heart?

I don't think I ever loved my own voice
Until I learned to read poetry out loud.

I miss you in your end of the couch, your side of the bed
There's just air where you used to sit,
But somehow I'm still struggling to breathe

I miss you in the drowned spider in the shower
You always took the bugs outside
Because I couldn't bear to look at them

I miss you in your old sweatshirt,
The grey crewneck that smells like you
I put it on sometimes, but I swear it's softer when you wear it and pull me into your arms

I miss you in the silence in the morning
I tried to play your old records today,
But I spent an hour looking at the box, waiting for your selection

I miss you most in the feeling you gave me
We created a world that was overflowing with happiness
And without you I'm just empty

It will only take a moment
ten minutes,
a second,
does it really matter?
It's taking,
grabbing our time,
in the dark alley
at night
prodding us with a gun
buried in our backs
forcing us to let go
and leaving us alone
under the starry sky,
the one that mocks us
with its seeming endlessness
while we stand,
bewildered,
wondering where
the time has gone

I've heard it's like time stopping.

the world becomes a blur
and everything seems so
insignificant

I want it to be more.

Have you ever walked outside,
to find yourself walking around
inside a life-size snow globe?
Not a blizzard, mind you,
but a snow globe.

the biggest, most beautiful flakes
drift down slowly, and,
as if they're savoring the ride,
rest on your coat,
your scarf, your eyelashes,
they adorn your hair

You stand there and take it all in,
and when the air is quiet,
life is a movie for just a few seconds.

everything is in slow motion,
and you hate the fact
that you have to go inside,
to the noise,
to real life

That's what I want
when I kiss you
-- a breathtaking moment
that's better than the movies.

She had collarbones like knives.
Her teeth were white as a snake's fangs,
And her eyes bright,
But dangerous,
As if they held the snake's venom.
The irises were black as coal,
Black as night, an enlargement of her pupils.
She didn't walk like she owned the place,
She walked like she created the planet
And everything on it.

She kept her jaw set.
She kept her head high.
She kept her confidence untouchable.

She counted every boy she'd truely loved on one hand,
Starting and ending with her *******.
She left the world feeling afraid of her,
But no one ever broke her heart again.

Let me tell you about a girl I know

She lives in a brick house,
But her mind's encased in one-way glass
She can see through others,
But she rarely says what she's thinking

She drinks to feel free
But finishing the bottle doesn't make the boys love her
It just breaks the rules,
Something that is all too ordinary,
all too easy for her

You want to believe that she's dependable, she's responsible,
But her only certainty is her constant lies

As smart as she is,
She finds herself in the middle--
Caught in someone else's game-- all too often

She's never without a joke or prank,
Wears them like sunglasses
So that no one can see the emotions behind her eyes

She's begging for security
She's a liar, a manipulator,
A girl starved for something real

And she won't let herself have it

look me in the eyes
I'll turn you to stone
I want to have someone
I won't have to let go

I promise to love you
I won't let you crack
you'll have your own corner
with your very own plaque

darling if you never change,
I'll never have to let you go
look me in the eyes
and let me turn you to stone

the ghost of you left bruises
down my spine and on my left hip
and I wake up feeling the pain from
the emptiness in my bed

she watched as the world fell apart around her,
everything worse than before, a new kind of interruption

she felt her chest tighten, her heart ached more than ever
her throat had a new lump that made it hard to swallow

and she got that feeling again,
the one that told her she must do absolutely anything to fix it

Now that I have your voice
on a loop in my memory,
I'm afraid to fall back into
that silence that plagued me
for so long.

It would be too easy to let
it all fall apart, to let the
silence seep back into my life,
to go back to the past
and let it be.

The only problem is the pain.
Upon hearing your voice,
my heart got a little lighter
and I started to smile with no
effort at all.

To be in silence with you,
knowing the magic effect
your voice can have on me
would be almost too much
for me to bear.

neither of us can see the other
when between us there's this smoke screen
and they've all projected images
so now I'm covered in movie scenes

none of them feel like me

I'm reaching for your hand now
because I don't want you to go
but you can't see me clearly

you don't know what I know

it scares me that you're ready to jump
when I'm not ready for you to fall
what if I can't catch you
and we both end up broken on the floor?

Let me make this very clear.
I am not your arm candy.
I do not exist to be spoiled by you,
and just because I write a poem about some guy I know,
does not mean I'm hopelessly in love with him,
waiting for him to return my affections,
and utterly heartbroken all the while.
In summary:
forget all of the assumptions you've made,
*I don't play by your rules.

the sky is entirely white,
or rather, it has been entirely
replaced by clouds

in contrast,
the grass is a lush green,
luxurious and bright

the cement is damp from
last night's storm,
and mud puddles are plentiful

the atmosphere is complex,
too bright to be winter,
not sunny enough for summer,
a bit too chilly for spring,
but it's much too early for fall

on these rare days,
I curl up on the sofa
and imagine you

the chair's arms are yours,
it's back, your chest,
and I bury my face in it
drinking in the wonderful
comfort that I feel when
I'm with you

We always dance,
you and I.
moving in circles,
eyes locking
until we put our
heads back down.

It's a complicated dance we do,
you and I.

One step
forward,
three back,
two forward,
one back,
back and forth,
to and fro,
up and down
the street.

One hello,
one rejection,
one joke,
misplaced affection.

We move too quickly
to realize where we're standing
It's all just a silly dance we do.