If I started in oblivion
shall I end in oblivion?

If I should end in dark
Did I begin in the dark?

If I am buried in the ground
Did I come from the sky?

Whose to say the world doesn't repeat itself
and its questions
over and over again.

If I am brought into this world
What world had I come from?

Whose to say
What world is next.

This is an important thing.
This ceiling.

Silence drapes in
light shades of the color
of whatever emotion is occurring

Blooming in cloud shaped ideas about existence,
does a being of consciousness observe itself
looking at the ceiling.

As a being observes itself
it does not look at the minor things
like of its thoughts or
maybe
its persona

No
as a being looking
at this ceiling
we feel the breathing
and we ponder
the very idea of
existence.

This ceiling,
its important.

I didn't want us to end
i didn't want what he had to end,
a precious rare stone in between the smoky coals
of the things that surround us
Depression is real!
but so is imagination.
Depression, the pure sound of sustance to the devil.
we, as human being's
only need to think something
is wrong.
Our minds sometimes beilive that things
that really are not there.
when you really look at things,
the things that matter
and if the things that matter
are in danger
then you can have true depression
when you learn to worry for others
and care
and love
for another
that is where true happiness is.
I had happiness with you.
I didn't want to lose the happiness.

Look at me.
Hear my thoughts.
Screaming, crying,
Hear my voice
like the wet sand is now dry
and the cracks are forming.
My words are hitting a cold steel wall
No door, no window
no way is it possible to look inside
and see whats happening
after bashing and thrashing and screaming and beating
i wisper
"please,
Please face me"

I remember him.
Centuries and centuries ago
he seems so far away now
like the lost unbidden starlight
that wonders the universe with no where to go
and no other goals in mind
I see him as i speak and as i think of him
i picture him wandering a windy road
stopping and sitting and waving hello
his thoughts drag and float behind him
in a long long train of different colored silks
he still wears his sandals in winter time
i chew over what he meant to me before
like biting into old gum
that still has a little flavor in it
he sits there
watering his thoughts until they grow and grow into every planet
and every shape
so very very far away.

What am i doing?

I play with the scenes of our past love

over and over..

I could've fixed it

I could have changed

Could have, Should have, Would have

We're gone

I Could say it, Should say it, Would say it

these words

"I wish things could've been different"

I am the bird that fly's high
I am the worm who digs low
I am the moon that shines tonight
I am the sparkle in the snow
I can't be darkness, I am only light
I am what I am.

I will always remember your smile
I will always remember your kitchen tiles
I will always remember
Your daring witt
I rememeber your love
every single bit
I will always remember your last call
If i could i would record them all
I will always remember your laugh
and how it made me laugh too
I remember it all
I will always remember you.

I am an acting star.
A genius in my craft
A born given talent.
I must be the most important person out
there
I hide myself from my family
I hide from my friends
I hide a side of me inside of the other
My ability to hide and run and decive is so great
I can do it without thinking.
I truly am a star.

Life is just a combination of 26 letters.
Letters make sounds we become accustomed to
and then these sounds spill into emotion.

When we choke on a sob,
I wonder what letters are spilling out of our mouths.
Maybe when we don't know what to feel
our 26 letters are in the wrong combination
or just backwards.

When we sigh a happy sigh
I wonder if the letters themselves are happy.
If letters make sounds, and sounds make emotion
then maybe letters have emotion too?

Love is vulnerable.
you extend yourself into
someone else

hoping
wishing

I look to you as you used to look
at me until
I have to stare at myself
and realize

I never let you see
those before you
Nor did you let me see
Ones before I

Maybe you shouldn't lie.
My walls were up around me
and covered with mirrors.

and your lies were arrows dipped in ink
splotching what I wanted to see in
myself.

I open up a crack
only to be hit
and hit in the eye

I closed the crack up
only to be blind

Not right now
please not now
nothing is wrong right now, why
is it like this?
I'm heavily breathing
and choking up and tears
are filling my eyes and
for what?
Shhh Shhh nothing is wrong
you're okay, you're okay
nothing bad is happening right now
Shhh Shhh please.
Big breath in
Slow easy
breath out.
nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right.

Love, lets go on an
adventure just leave
to the willow tree

I will just sit here on my computer.
Clicking and typing and trying
to be clever.

I will just sit here on my bed
Breathing and blinking and trying
to go to sleep

I will just sit here in this life
Trying and living and wondering
what is to be

I will just be here in this moment
Living and breathing and loving
every second of existence.

The look in your eyes
keep me awake
let me sleep
for both our sakes
Let me stay in your heart forever
for all the times we are not together
you stay in my dreams all night
But i can't say, i love you
sleep tight
I do not see happy day's suns peak
I am so sad, I see only bleak
I feel sorrow, and shame
Because i know,
I am the one to blame.

If I should live another day
without another's essence
tis truly a day a waste

If I should roam
and roam again
until the day's end

I want another
another beside me
one to hold and
one to have

Listening and feeling
another.
Wanting another
loving another

A day with another
is a day truly spent.

You know when you can't hear what
people are saying to you
that your mind is automatically on autopilot

you don't want to listen to what they have to say.

I Had A Dream
the most wonderful dream
it was you and me
we were kissing, i felt like flying
but that's only how it seemed
we have'nt been together in a long time
I felt like flying, I wanted to climb!
"I Love you"
Oh those words
Oh how i love you too
but now i wake to see my ceiling
and all i have left is this empty feeling

I am in love with someone

He knows. I know.

Yet he stands there waiting

he wants my move, but i am not brave to do so

he waits while i wait

he avoids while i avoid

emotions fade, as we fade

Love and memories can't stay forever

but if they are tied together

things will change

but the things that happened

will not.

Why can't I be a bird?
I look to the tree outside thinking
"What a perfect place to be"
Inside the dome of leaves the branches make.
The tree is on a hill near the ocean.
Its fall, leaving the leaves red
so I think of me becoming a bird.
In front of everyone, becoming a bird
my clothes would fall to the floor and a bird would be in my place
i would fly out the window and into the tree.

"Only a fool trips on what is behind him"
And I am caught walking backwards.

I wish someone would want all of me.

Instead of the bits and pieces they decided to cut out and frame.

I wish they saw what I see.

but they didn't see my sadness my failure or my shame.

I wish i could believe

if the day came

that what I see and what they saw
were one and the same.

Today I remembered yesterday
and what I said about tomorrow

I looked up at my surroundings
I stared intensely at the dark
until the dark stared back
and I looked away

Tomorrow I will say something about
yesterday
and today will be the same

I want to say something different
then I would today
about tomorrow

but If I could do that
everyday
would be the same
as yesterday

A hundred dances at midnight
A million meaningless fights
A thousand misunderstandings
Only I on the moon landing
A couple chance encounters
A million clever banters
A googleplex of jokes
A couple shared cokes
With love and happiness too
Im so happy I have you.