It is now Christmas Eve
a time of color and story..
We attend services and anticipate
remembering a story of one
said to reconcile and bring peace..
Our minds when immersed
in these colorful trappings
may sense separation..and rebel..
Rebellion is temporary and
soon bathed in good cheer
another Christmas..another year..
Perhaps some will find
their dissonance ending
with a sudden note of White..
All of those lights
are a lurking background
awaiting our invitation..
But invitation seems unneeded
as background comes forward
flooding our manger
with new Recognition...

your love is terrifying. it makes me want to run and hide and peek out the windows to see what kind of damage it has done. my mind is so scared, and yet my heart is in awe. rain falls like a shower, and the pine needles on the trees are stripped off. you are a madness I can not handle.

but, I find myself trying anyways (I have no self control). I find myself opening doors and windows and letting my feet sink into the sweet soil, letting my hair drip with cold rain, my clothes wet to my body, the wind is chilling to my skin. Every drop reminds me of all my tears shed.

I want to control the madness, reign it in and package it neatly, put little red bows on a box that says,
"love"

there are some things that are not meant to be controlled, some things that you can't put a label on, and some hearts that are too wild for their own good.

Am I not pretty enough?
Thin enough?
Thick enough?
You've cheated me on me twice
Now its my turn to roll the dice.

Am I not good enough?
Smart enough?
stupid enough?
To get stirred by your words
So my mind can miss the worse.

Aren't I enough for you?
Funny enough?
Sweet enough?
I was told I was a fool
For falling in love with you.

Don't I love you enough?
Am I clingy?
Am I distant?
I forgave you the first
Thinking you'll never do worse.

However, I was dead wrong.
Thinking it would be a beautiful song,
But my heart has been torn
As my mind has been worn
By the lies you had spew
And everyone knew.

I gave you my trust,
But all you wanted was lust.
You had put me in a trance,
But there was no romance.
I gave you one last chance.
Now, I don't believe I can trust another man.

You took my heart
And broke it apart
But from this tragedy
I had grew rapidly.
So I say thanks
For no longer leaving me blank
So I could be able to see
That you were never right for me.

I catch myself from time to time
Not thinking about how bad you hurt me
But how well he treats me
And I think it's a pretty great improvement
From howling your name at 4am
Trying to not wake my roommates.

I waited for you to teach me everything you knew
But you kept me sheltered and lonely
Well he's got me thinking and answering questions
As if there's a test I need to pass and he wants me to succeed
It makes me think you never really cared
For me to learn all about you.

Nothing in this alley to crow
about—backboard and bent hoop
leans against an old refrigerator.

Over at   McMillin’s place
bags of garbage pile atop
a turquoise Chrysler.  

I’d give the family a pick
and shovel   if they bury
their old basset after it dies;

it’ll probably keel,
the first cold day
of 2017.  

My boots like this alley
even if my eyes don’t,
it hasn’t seen

a snowplow this winter
and, why should
it?

He said his Christmas Eve was good
in his recliner, TV cranked,
drapes closed,

bottle of Nyquil in one hand,
remote control, in the other,

waiting

for NBC News
to end and football
to begin.

i always said that loving two people at once does not exist
until recently
as i have fallen
twice

e.knocks