"I'll wait for you,"
when we were kids,
you had said.

But Jack's still comatose
and Jill is dead.

You never came.

I cannot find
my peace of mind,
the weight of which crushes me
and I know not where I am again.

Like being so far away from home,
the smell of clothes
takes me back to the
last time I was in them.

I trace these thoughts
as I trace the curve of your spine-
immaculate ridges like the ride of
the cobblestones on your porch.

I find my solace
in the perfect arches of your shoulders
like the hold of the hearth
that keeps me warm.

I stow my secrets
into the unbreakable weave of your ribs,
safe and sound into the vault
of your tireless heart.

And dreams I dream
to the lullaby
of your ebb and flow
heartbeat.

I went looking today.

I put on my red boots
and my blue pants
and I opened up the doors.

I went looking today.

I went through the parks,
the streets, the empty hallways.
I got lost looking for a lost you.

The crowd carried your scent,
carried me,
and I was six and a half miles from home.

I put on my smiles
and my cloak of courage.
My watch ticked away the time my heart drove my feet to you.

I went looking today.

I went looking for you.

I searched the corners of boxes,
under the shade of rose petals,
and in burning letters.

Because I had to.
I had to find you
before I lost my mind.

My bones ached for the home in you,
my heart refused to keep a beat continuous,
my skin began to come undone.

I went looking for you today,
only to stop before your door
and walk all the way back home

still in want.

I do not recognize the image in the mirror
Staring back at me with red weeping eyes
Eyes that only wish to see someone else
Someone better

But the image won't change, and I panic
"If you don't calm down I will send you to the ER again"
My head is pounding, why can't I just act normal?
I'm not insane, I know it

Anything but the hospital again, please
There is nothing worse than those fluorescent lights
And the sympathetic smiles of strangers

I do not recognize the image in the mirror
Glaring back at me with disappointed eyes
Eyes that wish I was someone to be proud of
Someone that isn't me

This rain
won't wash the pain away
or give me words to say
but I keep on walking anyway

you came
took my heart for play
but did not come to stay
only here to make me pay

the strain
has made me lose my way
haunts me every day
colors all the world in grey

please explain
how nothingness holds sway
why life came to such disarray
just how the blues I can allay

this rain
won't wash the pain away
but I might find a sunlight ray
maybe, I'll keep on walking anyway

I fear the way you love me:
That tender-touching kiss
Seducing me to nightly
Sink deep in your abyss.

Those smooth caresses take me
To places that I dread,
Your cunning fingers rouse me
To plan such lies ahead.

But while we writhe and tumble
In lust's hypnotic hold,
I fear the final stumble
That will see the truth unfold.