Why is the saying
A "stab in the back"
When all I can feel
is a heavy heart

1680

Sometimes with the Heart
Seldom with the Soul
Scarcer once with the Might
Few—love at all.

In the spring
I saw you liked a pretty girl
with a pretty smile
a pretty laugh
and a great body

So over the summer I made myself pretty too
changed my hair
changed my makeup
and ate healthy

When I came back to school in the fall
I got double takes from boys
and jealous eyes from girls
but not a single look came from you.

The lonely woman
Refuses to love
Refuses to date
Watches on in earnest as two naïve teenagers give their souls to each other

Yet she refuses all the things she's been offered
because love has the power to destroy your insides: heart, mind and soul
and the only defence she has  
is her steel exterior.

When I talk with you
My heart clenches with the force of a thousand fists
as I see the words tumble out of your mouth
each one lined with a dozen tiny sharpened daggers
like they have teeth that snarl at me as much as you do.

When I talk with you
I feel the waves of relief crash over me and I'm suspended
in a vast peaceful blue with nothing but a distant song
that I can't understand, but I let the blue swallow me
and I let my mind wander with ignorant bliss

When I surface the water
somethings changed but I can't place it
whenever I walk near trees, I don't hear  
the birds song anymore
whenever I dive near waterfalls
the crash of water against rock doesn't seem to loud anymore
whenever I go to pick up shells by the sea shore
the ***** scuttle away into their sand holes
leaving me alone and confused with the waste of the world washed up on the beach.

whenever I wander into parks
mother's eye me and shield their children's eyes
whenever I go to clubs
tall toothpicks with faces and blonde hair look at me with contempt

and when I wander around with a heavy feeling like I'm carrying a lead backpack
I start to wonder if it's me that's driving everything away
Is it how I look? Did I do wrong?

And it's not until someone tells me that I realise
There's blood trickling down my back
and an 8 inch scimitar
lodged into my spine.

You're in every moment
Of every day

I see you in the corridors, flipping hair out of your eyes like you're a member of the next biggest boy band

I see you on the bus, modest and polite, occasionally saying "hey" or giving me a look that breaks the lock on my imprisoned imagination, allowing the beast to run free and bring a flush to my cheeks
as if you can hear my thoughts

I see you when I don't see you,
in the crevices of the broken wall next to the canteen
in the corner of the room noticing me when I make a witty joke
in poems of infatuation
my overdue spanish homework
and the floorboards in my dance studio.

When I think of your smile it's like cuddling up by the fireplace on a sub zero winter day
It's like being mid jump after taking a bungee plunge
It's like being mid laughter with friends on the first week of summer

And when I'm actually with you - my god when I'm with you
All of Aphrodite's power couldn't change how I feel.

Drug overdose,
Old age and comatose,
******,
Suicide,
Disease or
Traffic accident.

Death comes to every single one of us eventually, it is all too common. There's no tragedy in death -

it is how we die that puts a label on our existence as tragic or well lived.