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Seven New Poems For Seven Days #4:  Judgement Day*

After you put in some time on this planet,
You kinda know what the world thinks
About you, your rep, what they don't say to your face,

Sure, thingies, time and incidence and circumstance
Can sometimes cause makeovers external,
But each of us know the quality of ourselves,
Self-certification,
you can out your internal self,
Better than anybody else.

So I inquire of myself, about myself,
what will you be remembered for,
if at all?


Why do I ask, today, now?
Do we not ask ourselves this
On the low down, subconsciously everyday?

Is this a poem?
Most assuredly...
And a trial.
You, the judge the jury and the prosecutor,
The defender, if u can, if u will.

For seven days my mother was adjudged,
Family, friends, hers, her children's,
Almost an 100 years of live, in color, HD, looking back video,
Tales told, memories dug up, old photos explicated,
Who what when where of the details of one women's voyages,
Creations.

I cannot, I will not, do the details here.
Suffice, acts of kindness, faith in people,
Feminist in a strange land, a chance taker,
Gifts of memories, streaming of adoration,
Many strangers are witnesses to me,
This trial a runaway train.

I am outed.  There will be no such verdict for me.
I am outed.  There will be no trial needed, just a
Summary judgement delivered.

Out yourself.
What will you be remembered for,  
if at all?
 Aug 2013 Fred Kinard
Morgan
Unravel
 Aug 2013 Fred Kinard
Morgan
Something about your eyes,
make my knees shake slightly
when they lock on mine
Something about your voice,
has me speaking in circles just
to hear more
I'm begging for your hands,
like an infant who wants to be held
Reaching out every time you turn away
He is so etched into every curve in my veins
I never could bleed him out
You are the first person in a year and a half
who doesn't feel like a temporary
alternative to the pain of him
No
I don't compare your words
to the ones he'd use
I just listen intently
and then unravel at the seams
I just wanna be sewn into your skin
You're every bit of beauty
I can breathe in at once
And I swear I'm falling all over you
Please catch me
Seven New Poems For Seven Days #6 & 7: Live like you're dying


Perhaps you know the lyric, the song?

Live like your dying.
Dying caught my ear, my eye, can't imagine why.
Con-Textual emendation, Natalino style.

Live like your writing.

Yes, that makes sense...

Embrace with passion each new session
Charge every second stanza with ruminating rhythms,
Cut the wires to the air traffic control sensory tower, go solo,
Pulse each word, beat all into a plowshare, even the anger,
Even the hate, dressed to ****, in words, forgivable...

Grant the mundane, the insane, even the pain of tragedy,
You refuse so hardily to glorify, grant it and
Record it all - a moment,
A royal audience with all
Your writing parts.

No fancy footing, keep it simple.
No jesters in rain puddles,
Let images of clouds of sand
Born and perish  in other's eyes and sighs, let verbal games bedevil other
Wooden puppet princes drinking fairy ales.

Huh?

Write clean and clear,
Let the sheerest wonderment of a new combination,
Be the titillation of the tongue's alliteration,
No head scratching at oblique verbal gestation,
Let words clear speak, each letter a speck,
That gives and grants clarification, sensational.

You, afternoon quenching Coronas, white T shirts,
Sun glazes and later, a summer eve's Sancerre,
Wave gazing on the reality of rusted beach chairs,
Babies sandy naked, washed in waves of Chardonnay,
The traffic-filled word-way highways and bay ways,
Exiting at the Poet's Nook, for exegesis & retrieval.

Write of:

Body shakes and juices, skin-staining tongues,
Taking her, afternoon, unexpectedly, her noises your derring-do!
Broken tear ducts, the Off switch, so busted, write about
Real stuff.

Write not in fear of dying
Angels delivering bad news in vacuum tubes,
Write joyous, psalms of loving life,
Live like your writing,
Write like your living,
So you may die well.
This poem~title, been on my "to write" list,
In a wine cellar of stored notion~nuances,
A smack-down list of ideas that require:
aging, awaiting, body and fleshing,
ruminating, brooding, masticating.

Challenges, lying, comfortably asleep in my iPad.

Sometime when bereft,
these well used empty Mason Jars
catch my glinting eyes.
Bell Jars ringing, finger wagging,
attention deficit needy,
to punctuate the season of bad timing.

Need pie-filling, plum jelly-canning,
crying out like a sad ole country song,
twanging, achy breaky, heart breaking sounds of
Write me write me write me!
So now you are done, to sit and stew, till ready for
Next year's pleasured tasting

The last of the poems inpired by the passing of my mother.  Tho I wrote only six in all, there is a good reason for that. I set myself a challenge before the funeral to complete this "collection." This last title was indeed sitting on my list of titles in need of a poem, when I tripped on it as the way to finish the task.
 Jul 2013 Fred Kinard
Robert Earl
I wonder what the world would be like if we were all winners,
maybe there would be no color lines, only religious sinners....

Or maybe future beginners, just always searching for an answer,
Without a questionable question, time is only gonna move faster....

So I can't help being a walking disaster, it's the blood corsing through my veins,
I can only hope to master, the things that I can not change....
UPCOMING REAL SOON
Snap, crackle and pop go the synapses in my brain
Snap, crackle, pop
Snap, crackle, pop
Snap... fizzle, fizzle
****... that information's stuck in my frontal lobe again
With no dopamine to stimulate the bridge to my hippocampus.
And so, long term memory eludes me once again
Always burning on my fingertips
But never within my grasp
Floating away like dandelion seeds in the wind
Leaving me with an ugly, empty stem of information without meaning.
Determination means nothing
No will power will help me
Thoughts of mind over matter won't matter
When my mind fights off its own process of learning
By never allowing a still moment
My foot tapping, fingers drumming
Eyes snapping to their peripherals
Searching for movement that isn't there
Ears hearing sounds without decibels
Constantly keeping my attention divide
United in a cacophony of sights and sounds
So vibrant that I can't help but leave my task at hand
To follow the Pied Piper in my mind.
It's childhood exuberance
Turned into adolescent antics
And adulthood issues.
My loose lips will sink ships
When my mouth trips over every word and thought
A sturdy hull cannot be bought
When holes rot whether I like it or not
Efforts go for naught
When I can't tie a knot
Around my thoughts to keep my mind anchored.
When the flutter of a butterfly
Steals my eye for the umpteenth time
I could cry tears of joy and sadness
For the beauty and the madness of distractions
Reactions to each refraction of light
Fracture my productivity
Producing a hollow shell of what could be
If only this dopamine would not evade me.
I feel like I'm crazy
Lazy because my memories are hazy
My words escape me
Fading from my tongue like camera flashes
My thought process dashes from crash to crash
Trying to bridge the gaps between my synapses.
My shoulders are nearly collapsing under the weight
From the dead space hidden behind my oft red face
Embarrassed that I can't sit in place
Long enough to have the outlines of my memories traced
My poems can't keep pace
With the rate at which my pages are erased
So I must gauge my progress with a broken meter and cracked mirrors.
Crooked fears look at me while lurking in the sides of my eyesight
Spying on me and reminding me
Why I'm afraid to let these letters see the light of day in the first place.
I could do better
If this pressure would just stop thumping
With each and every word I say.
The cadence is clumsy
And the syntax, sloppy
But even adderall can't stop these thoughts from adding up and coming to solutions
Crudely hummed out of tune
And to the off beat of a thousand drunken drums.
The blunts can keep it quiet
But they have little tact
And can't keep the foundations of my thoughts in tact
Attacks are made at my hippocampus
Each time a new rhyme finds its way into articulation
My hands thirst for the corruption
Of a clean white page
But there's a knock at the door
And my concentration erupts
Forgetting the verbal seduction that was rushing through my head
Instead, letting the lines that could change her mind
Tango off into oblivion
Entwined with potential that I'm too blind to harness.
Maybe I'm just wasting time
Waiting to be part of the harvest
But, honestly... I would never part with this mind
Even with all those parts missing.
Still, I find myself wishing that it didn't have to be this way
I shouldn't have to struggle to remember my Mimi's voice each day.
I don't really know what else to say
Except that I hope beyond hope...
That... uh... ****.
Snap, crackle, fizzle.
 Jul 2013 Fred Kinard
Mercy
can you feel me slowly dying
as your hand lies out of reach
my heart wilts, slowly melting
hands numb and barely shaking
i long to stare
into your oceanic eyes
but all i see
are the white walls of my confines

i wish i could tell you i'm sorry
but i have no real excuse
i simply play with hearts
for the taking
but i feel so much remorse

could you hear my chest screaming
or did you think it was mere laughter
you look inside my demon eyes
but can't see the love they hold for you
only the carelessness and selfishness
that you ascribe to me

please let me say i'm sorry
please know it was a mistake
please understand it's only you that i want
please let me hold your hand
I don’t know what to do anymore?
Where do I go when no matter where I turn I disappoint someone?
I hurt someone?
I just want to be happy.
I just want to be content and safe.
Why is it handed so easily to those who take it for granted?
I wanna wake up in the morning and wonder what good lies ahead instead of fearing what shoe is left to fall today.
Im tired of always having to prepare myself for the bad to come and to be the one to pick up the pieces.
For once I wanna be the irresponsible one who gets to wreak havoc and not suffer any consequences.
I don’t wanna worry about failing.
About disappointing.
I fear the happiness I crave so badly.
Happiness for me never brings anything but double the madness I already had before.
The madness that ensues always insures that I regret that shred of happiness I felt just that blink before.
A blink.
That’s all it ever seems to be.
I look around and see happy little families wander around all day.
I help to create the memory that 20 years from now just may end up to be one of the most cherished memories of said family.
Meanwhile I look out at them with rage, jealousy, lust, envy, and most of all sadness.
Once upon a time that was my family.
If I had only known then what I know now I would have closed myself off to the happiness.
Why is it no matter how hard I try its not good enough.
Im not good enough.
I want such simple things in life.
A family to call my own.
To cherish and preserve the way I wish those around me would have cherished and most of all preserved mine when I was younger.
To feel safe, warm, and content.
To feel like I made something of myself.
Something to be proud of.
Something those around me could be proud of.
Meanwhile there are a million people in life handed these opportunities and waste them.
Take them for granted, wishing it all away.
Never knowing how suffocating what they are wishing for feels or how lucky and valuable what they are wishing away is.
Never realizing how much they should be cherishing the security they have been granted is.a
Oh well I know im doing the best I can.
Question is is it enough to get me to where I wanna be or am I doomed to repeat this cycle over and over again?
And if that may be the case will I ever figure out what I did to deserve such cruelty?
Hush baby,
Don't shed a tear,
never worry,
I'll always be here

Hush sweetie,
Don't you cry,
I'm right here,
Always nearby

Hush my darling,
Show me a smile,
the sweetest of dreams you will have
it'll all be worthwhile

Hush baby,
mommy is here
I'll be by your side
even if it's not near

Hush sweetheart,
I won't leave you alone
know that one day
you'll have your own throne

Hush love,
don't let your dreams go
for you never know
how they could grow

Hush my child,
go to sleep
dream sweet dreams
laugh, giggle, smile
happy you will be

I love you.


Beauty wears the cold breath of death
the way a ******* wears a smile.

Is this casual brutality a sign of the times?
Or have you watched the news in the last
24 hours?

The mirror sung a thousand prayers
to the God; now felt forsaken
with 31 flavours to his love.

They pierced your body
with their spears of love
and hung you up by the hair
to dry.

You recite your green finch song
to the deafness of those above,
and they still hold
your lace burdened hand
to quiet your sorrowful heart.

Lay your head upon the pillow
as tiredness takes us both
as the morning rears its ugly head
and the day becomes yours again.

Then raise your golden brow
to the freedom of Night Angels
who know your secret kiss
where all desires roam amiss,
watch yourself seek for home
in the city's barrio's and filth
down *** sodden alleys
where happiness
is spilled.

The Centurions of hunger
who's empty bellies predict
this shift of power.

By these shadows of delight
you don the mantle of delirium
It stretches down
to your wrists
and grows taut by this slip of Fate
your barrier of Morpheus
a tattoo by Bacchus
a scar tissue kiss of Eros.

Your beauty burned like an ember
that puckered my skin
My love wrote a sonnet
in invisible ink.

"Goodbye"
a silver bullet
that is tasteless
unlike your kisses.

And your finger slipped upon the trigger.
Warmed by her hand and shadowed by her hair
As close she leaned and poured her heart through thee,
Whereof the articulate throbs accompany
The smooth black stream that makes thy whiteness fair,—
Sweet fluttering sheet, even of her breath aware,—
Oh let thy silent song disclose to me
That soul wherewith her lips and eyes agree
Like married music in Love’s answering air.

Fain had I watched her when, at some fond thought,
Her ***** to the writing closelier press’d,
And her breast’s secrets peered into her breast;
When, through eyes raised an instant, her soul sought
My soul, and from the sudden confluence caught
The words that made her love the loveliest.
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