if you don't close those curtains soon,
i'll end this show myself!
i've got actors & entertainment galore
i've got music and philosophy,
gut-wrenching emotion.

all behind these lids.

my festering mind hisses and spits
stunted by itself
chemical burns and sleep deprivation
paralyzed by a world
it doesn't want to believe

I saw a little stunted heart
Wedged in craggy fate, and knew

The time. I wished that it would glow
And well I knew the time, and so

I drew up plans to pull it out
And tracing every obstacle
While drawing up a map, I heard it sing...

And I sang along,
Just like
I do
with Everything!

I went up to this stunted heart
And said, "Hey heart, don't be alarmed!
I've got a lot of peace
That I could give
If you will listen."

And Love, it splattered everywhere!
That heart let out an awesome sound
But something quite peculiar happened
When that heart had closed its round

"Pick me up"
It said to me,
"And I will work as Good as New!
And I can even strive for it,
But I'll never be
As Good as You."

And I cupped the heart up with my hands.
Have you ever seen
A heart glow blue?

I love you more
Than life itself--
Is that some thing
I have to prove?

he is the carnival bear
with the best balance
on two wheels
he traverses sketchy curb cuts
and stays upright,
stays cool

my sky cracked
as i'm walking around town
i look up at the fractures

people just look at me
like i'm crazy.

He scrubs,
And scrubs.

I know you run into the hills when I sleep
With little stolen pieces of me
Just like I know it's my job by day
To stay in once place

But we're both carrying him off,
Yesterday I emptied my veins into the river and became more than myself,
Because I was no one.

Because I forgot who I was for moment and let my brain become a stalk,

This solves nothing.

I know the same yellow light that makes me glow will some day make feel very old
That I'll have to shift.
I know it's part of life
But throw your dirt--

I'm not dead,
I'm just pining for a chance to say I'm still alive
That I still have some sense of eudaimonia,
That I still have drive.

I'll wake up with a grey feather in my hair like it's from noah's dove
And I'll know it was placed there by the girl who brings life color
And meaning--
You're lucifer's pet

But I know I'll wake to a strange girl
Holding my stars
In Her eyes--
Our love is a nebula.

Why haven't you stopped scanning my social media
Looking for anything you can use in your web of lies?

I hate you, and fully expected you to be an adult and let our past be our past.

You are so crazy,
In a way that I could never be,
And you can't intimidate me anymore from speaking the truth.

I may deal with things in my own weird ways,
But you really need a diaper
You are power tripping
You were when you wrote those lies
This is all that type of an emotion for you
Matt can't just be an ******* to me and get away with it

Eat my shorts, *****

I've got the TRUTH on my side.

It is VILE that you defend your lies THIS DEEPLY.
I would never defend lies the way you are defending yours.

I never wanted this with you.

I wanted to remember the good times.
Now your stupid name makes me sick.
Now I'm going crazy about my reputation
But you know what?

I'm not listening to my parents or ANYONE
Because I KNOW THE TRUTH FOR CERTAIN
I will keep speaking to exactly what happened and you can't scare me BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING.

Let it go.

Become an old lady.

Then,
Find some more dirt to lie in.

woops,
swerve.

Without shoes

oh what a sad, sad
story you have spun
you've turned yourself a-
way from everyone

and what a sad tune
oh, i almost
believe you
i wonder what you're up to (too).
but at least i'm not like you

black snowflakes
a fancy word for ashes
never held, never reached for any office to burn
as i'm sure they would
if i rammed my head through the wall
like i want to
like you did
like you always wanted to
...

"...store."

The star-crossed incident that broke their brains
Inspired re-enactments
And went largely unnoticed

i know i'll forget you,
that's why i kissed you
i know that i loved you
it wasn't enough

the things that we did do
well that's why i'll miss you
i'll never forget you
don't be so sad

i know i forgot you
that's why i wrote this
i'm sorry i'm sorry
it wasn't enough

i know i existed
i know that i missed it
i know that i missed it,
i know, i know, i know

she
wrang
Bobby Brown's
neck

she
wants
ke$ha to
herself

she's there
waiting
with a gun.

my love
she is noir-et-blanc
she sits by
the riverbanks
of my eyes;
she swims inside.

she swims and swims and swims inside
she swims, comes up to rest again

and what do you think?
mi amor, esta
colorida.
pero todo lo que ella sabe
is a world that makes her
black or white.

when it comes to precious,
beating hearts...
where is there room for grey?
and so,
she is noir-et-blanc
while holding many shades:

for there upon deliberation
on the precipice
lives the product of a life
under working eyes--

is she fair or stormy-skied,
do her flowers grow?
could you build a house on her?
and is she high, or low?

wrapped my love in cellophane
told her to shut up and shoveled up her grave
come, hummingbird
fly up to a flower
to taste the delicious nectar
inside

inside,
inside,
inside.

wrapped my love in cellophane
no more incongruent pain
no more hypocrisy
just rock your hips with me
just lock your jaw with me

we'll spend some hours in the waning sun
well, maybe you're not the only one

this is the institution of my heart.
this is the institution of my heart.
this is the institution
this is the institution of my heaaaaaart

it's starting to look like
this whole thing's
just gonna fall apart

but we do this anyway.

with schools and courthouses,
banks and parks.

almost made a correction
owed to stubborn insurrection
almost changed, "we"
to "they"

if you find me with an opened throat
if you meet me in a tattered coat
find the warmth left in my body
find that warmth left in my body
and call it ours,
call it ours.

You can play with my skeleton
She's got bits of diseased meat stuck to her
I know you wanted a kiss
But well, there isn't much left.

With a twinkle in your eye you said,
"We'll see about that."
And oh sir, I didn't mean you any harm
But you had to step away
And you set the twinkle on the ground by my feet
In case I ever needed a reason to smile on a rainy day

My eyes watched it all crying septic tears of shame and guilt

No one should ever have to go down like this

So play with my skeleton
And what a romance it would be
If she danced like she used to
When I still ******* believed.

so you see, so it's just ****** up--
and now i can't talk straight,
and now i don't feel i have a fair or even shot at anything
and i really feel cornered out of everything and ostracized by everybody
you know, these kinds of things are hard to recover from,
or recuperate, whatever
so you see though, these people,
they don't care
they can't possibly imagine
the stress they've put me under

you know it really is a shame
the good we lose
constantly
due to negligence like this.

negligence has formed several kinds of rust
on my skeleton
now a nervous bag of tics
nauseous from chasing my tail

i gave aphrodite an ugly face
i painted it on her with grotesque muscle
blood and guts
then i noticed i was standing in the mirror,
naked
doing something like squeezing toothpaste into my ear canals
while singing a day to remember.

but i always text back
even if its paragraphs of acrimonious diatribe
i always text back
even if i'm just a little
verbose, perhaps
even if i'm just a little gaudy
and stupid
and i overthink everything,
i always text you back

and even if i have the wrong number
even if you called via the moon's reflection in a nasty puddle,
ew,
not my favorite method of contact, by the way--
i always text back

xoxo

yes,
but some holes have brains in them, too.

and i'll be ****** if i don't do something with this.

Revelations come from my mouth like black smoke.

Usually it's just flowers.

She watches it wafting up to the ceiling,
Crashing into it like a million tiny moths

Flowers die fast,
Even if mine are exotic and impressive

But the smoke sticks around,
It is oily, thick smoke
And it does not die fast

.

She doesn't cough.

Maybe that's because she already has trouble breathing,
Or maybe she's just cool with the devil.

But the smoke walked out of my organs rationally
It did not try to come out
When I thought about how stupid that promise was
Playing roulette with a wedding ring,
How my body slid into the right position,
How you can fight life with life
But you can't find death with death
Death just finds itself
We're already wrapped around its non-finger
It's the part that's missing when you throw something across the universe
Or maybe the whole thing's missing,
Maybe we're all just lost, oh never mind
I found myself again.

Well anyway, I was telling this girl how it makes no sense for me to make a promise that's just gonna make me throw a temper tantrum,
And how I know I will, I've tried not to way too many times
And how I hate that you can't tell
And it's all really just about this moment anyway.
I was telling her how this time I'm not going to make any promises,
How that's what I need mainly because I need to learn to bare myself to my vulnerability instead of repeatedly projecting it and throwing some girl away,
Banking on my stupid, gorgeous face
And that's the only way I'll get stronger against my insecurity.

I was telling her all this but it felt like I was dying,
And I was,
And I'm learning to hate myself in all the right ways
And I'm learning to be smooth just like death,
Just like D---.

Then I put on If I Was Your Vampire and got us both a bowl of cereal.

I want you to have
Nice things
Nice dreams
Green leaves, warm springs
Clear waters, soft skin
All the dreams you can fit
In your pretty little
Heart

And head.
Finger callouses, kayak sunsets
Worn out running shoes
Lofty secrets

Lavish romance
True grit
Better than
These desperate stabs

Allthewhile
I'm sinking like a stone
I cannot leave
These thoughts alone

pudenda.

pudenda, pudenda

pudenda pudding.

pudendal masterpiece.

pudendal mistress.

putting on tha' pudenda.

praise pudenda!

preach pudenda

"pudendally disturbed"

pudenda potential.

pawing at my pudenda.

"pretty much just pudenda."

pick at my pudenda

i wasn't pudendally prepared...!

please stop with the pudenda.

promised you my pudenda.

a pudendal predilection.

the precious, precious, perfect pudenda

Someone tell that little sliver she's worth being a part of.

Someone find her validation--
A gentle giant with a tender touch.

But please don't mention how I called her,
Or she might shy away
Please just love her good and proper,
She isn't here to stay

Now, I know it don't sit too pretty
Peering from the city heights
But somewhere nested there, my sliver
Sings and sings and sings despite
The noise from every animal
That ***** and eats and ***** and sleeps
My sliver that was worth it all
My sliver who was thin and deep

October climbs his porcelain spine
and reaches hand to frothing mind

it tries to pull out something delicate
and smooth
but comes apart like wet tissue paper

i have this dream that you show up here and we run
we run into those woods with our shoes off and cackle
fall on some roots and make out
make out with our roots
all alone
like Brian made out with his roots that night, remember?

we'll never look back,
because unexpectedly, you cast concern aside
and i'll abridge my blues for you
so you can sing it, too.

i'd leave everything, everything behind.

i want to see you
when i turn on the lights

Chew on a root for a while, human
Better for the mind
Deeper than a sugarpill

Drop some jagged wisdom on the slanted eve
Press your brow into the horizon
See the colors that will melt away

Take the harder path, the one you know you should
See the smaller man, see how he towers above you!
I won't be famous 'til I'm dead
And I hope you won't lament the things we may have missed...!

Walk the narrow edge to the finer grove
Sail the hurling sea, far above their sunken bodies
Take to the sky, against the advice of your aging father

You are more than what you are.
Won't you make the sky a doctor?

Simsom, wissin un a modder scable.

Ee sasterbuddy roun.

Cotta nodder scable--
Efry bottie younts.

Bosha hot pod o'dawdle
Scarf me nex me mekme randy
Goof, goof, a sart asoddle
Sek me sek me lek me kandy

A rim rite, a raddle
A pleep dwine of spaddle
Ohhhh, misser blimpkin,
Downda dwaddle
Hissy mifflin!!!

You're bold like December
The harvest held fast against nature's cruel hand
Your smile is made
Of fire and sand
Your shoulders are made
Of porcelain and ash

It's springtime when our spectrums align,
And you slide into the crook of my neck.

Then in the daytime, neon rebel blood shows in your veins
Even when your bones ache,
Even when your heart breaks.

True blood, a juggernaut girl
And I wouldn't mess with her unless you want a reason to CRY~

Just Be Cause
That was always your motto!
Well *******, brother
Til I hit the lotto
Spin and spin them
Round and round
On your awful, twitching ride
It clogs my veins and makes me spit
'Flect twitchings in my eye.

kid, you broke the world.

i heard there's latin-speaking catboys harassing musical artists
i heard he's a wizard with one bleached eye
i heard he swallowed a sunflower seed as a boy and now it's growing out his ***--
sounds painful--
anyway i heard you can see it through a window, he lets everyone in.

i heard he's got something for hayley and derek and soupy...

i heard him singing the other day,
and *******
was it different from the first time i heard him sing.

he can SING
i heard a sharp guitar splashing in the mud
but sometimes,
sometimes it rains

(in Texas!)

kid, if you're god
if you're holding back on us
just let a brother know,
right?

but it was a mutual disagreement.

fruition came to those who sought it really,
and even though i never said i'm sorry,
i'm sorry.

and i still say it
cause it's true.

There's love in that muscle
Love sparked between bodies spun by nucleotides
Nucleotides rolling around and reacting in the mud
Making fools and heroes and liars and cynics of us

I'd love a strong core
I'd love to meet someone
And show them who I am
And to find more love in that world

I'd hate to be abandoned
And be all alone
And feel worried
And insulted
And told in different ways
That I don't matter

This is my treasure.

Doesn't it mean anything to you?

Kitty walks down the beach with a girl,
Why don't you **** him?
Why are his guts not
Everywhere?

Completely...
Black tights squeezed
On a tight little frame
Touch me, feel me in every way

Nonsensical with the golden sun,
I'm gilded not golden
As I'm always reminded.
It feels so good to kiss me,
Doesn't it?

Yeah well, you stirred up a stew
With complex flavors
I turn beet red
When it does me favors

I feel like a sandcastle
I feel like a star
Long Road to Ruin,
I feel...
Like Dave's car.

Kitty is driving
But really, he's smart!
How long til we get there?
Can we call this art?

Do you remember my doey brown eyes,
And all the silly thoughts and words that bubbled up around them?

Yeah well,

They're still tethered here to this old clunker
Just traipsed my way through several backyards
Guess I'm some kind of monster now,
Screaming
Middle fingers

Now
I guess it's time
For my brain
To fall asleep

I can't stop thinking about
Orion's belt
And how my youth tickled goddess mind
But never shook loose any fruit

I need to turn my mind to the colors that run deep around me
And a graceful stab will find the vein,
**** that blood up
Just like a mosquito

((Dusty Texas
Barrel age my soul
What the **** is going on
And why can't I calm down
I wanna work hard ******
I need ******* electrotherapy))

Pull out all your hair and set yourself on fire *****,
I don't care if you're clawing because you're evil
Or clawing because you're sick

Wish you'd twist around a telephone pole
And shatter with your windshield

You folded lies and launched them,
Used time to spin them up.

///

I saw you using your own blood to write my name in the center of town
Spinning stories to gain attention

You fed blood to your resentment
And now, you're stuck in a lie

You're willing to go there,
You're ****** in the mind.

I've become feral and foam at the mouth

Now I've got a knife because life is a crime

If I **** out my jugular, don't raise a doubt

Kathrine Kalecik could crash

& I'd laugh.

Writing her lies in the center of town.

I'm the perambulator of body parts
I am scared to be dressed like a cat
I am walking along the Gulf coast
I am dressed like a **** cat
If one piece of hair comes loose
It's really something to laugh at.

I am a walking abstract painting
I am a face and a foot and fussing hands
I am emergent of buzzing molecules
I am emergent of the Philly suburbs
I am not who people say I am
I am more than my mistakes
I am shaped of some dimension
I am more than what I am

I am proving it right now
I am entropy itself
I am filling in my shoes
Now I kick them off my feet

I am everything you dreamed,
Only local to myself
I am bound, but I will die
And I
Will always be myself

I've heard this all before
I can drink it with my thoughts
If I missed a couple things
No need to tell them I forgot,
You forgot
Apricot
I think we all forget a lot.

That I'm the earth and wind and sun
And I am not the only one
One day I will untie the Giant
Microscopic knot

You're bold like December
The harvest held fast against nature's cruel hand
Your smile is made
Of fire and sand
Your shoulders are made
Of porcelain and ash

You are what you are,
And there's no going back
It's your time to talk
But I'm holding my tongue.

But loose my bad hand, a terrible curse...
You turn to the world
And are not reimbursed
A dignified soldier of love
My sidestepping
Should sneak on by
Like a cat in the night x)

Sleep is with the chemical stains
Gnarled hardness in the soft tissue
And sleep is with the obsession strains
A tunnel vision we never cured
My long and detailed daisy chains

Sleep is with his verbose rants
And how much kitty left is there
Sleep is with feeling out
Am I going to care?
Am I vital?
Like am I even there?

Sleep is with knowing i can rock this, but worrying I might forget
Sleep might be just a liiiittle too eccentric
And sleep is with bad bets

Sleep is with bad bets,
Sleep is with you.

On the other side of the mattress,
Sleep is with you...

Just a sliver of the moon
And sleep is with you
You're the thing my heart should have never seen--
A golden vein with blue.

Sleep must be
Somewhere
Out there,
With you.

an awkward body
can't convey its rights
she thinks it's funny
when i can't fly right
she thinks it's cute
and she kept her poet pet
no, go ahead
because i understand

i've got no ground
on which to stand

well, it was great
it was a priceless day
but i'd never let my dreams leak
in through the wallpaper
or float across the horizon
gleaming on the other side
of the mattress

Away and away and away
You keep pulling me out to sea
Away from the days
That felt vibrant and obvious
Where it felt safe to believe
I could be something great

I have become a sigher
The opposite of a designer
Wondering what's going on up in the citadel,
Selling myself short
Living in a privileged squalor

This vacancy is different
Not expectant
Heavy with doubt
Silent like the rest
But with splotches of color
From images burned
As lights burn their foes to your sight
Splotches of confusing light
Settle into my brain
Which is peeling up from the back
Swarms attack my house
Which is crumbling from the basement
Satan swallows my body
Whose inner feet are curling at the poison

It's safe where the zephyr rests
Some of my windier friends
Spent time getting swept up
Into the sunset

Not like the dust devils that hang around airports, no
But they'd dare after a lady's hair,
Or her lunch
See her now, picnicking out on the beach

She
Is so fine

And her lunch
Tastes so good

She's having fun.

Held so perfectly there,

By the summer air.

I'm longing to blow you
Only good fortunes
But I stay right where that zephyr rests

Gets kinda boring--
Love the hair.

when convoluted patients start convulsing
do they expect to find a tool
between the spasms of disorder?

when fictitious accidents lead to homeomorphisms
can i warp emotion gently around you?

is there a secret reserve
in the hyperbolic folds
of your unjust world, one deep enough
to bring it all back home?

or will you meander to the south,
float to the feather like a ground,
and rest there
with your quiet bones?

The light's already dancing
On you-- dancing like a fire,
Holding our potentials
Though we surely haven't met.

I can see us dancing
In the middle of the winter
Chemicals reacting
Casting shadows of regret.

Where is the brick that gives way
Where is the secret passage-way?
Where is your husband? Far away,
Off with my head.

And with your stockings on the floor,
Don't think I ever mattered more
I'll be the stars inside a boy,
Too much to live.

Help me
Make sense
Of this.

my bones held staggering dissonances
i came apart in unclear tones,
frozen and fearful.

but mardi gras was awesome,
i got so ****** up.

i wouldn't lie and say I was the most
conscientious person
derailed and I failed to mention the details
but i won't run from them,
and i will always confront them.

but mardi gras was awesome,
i got so ****** up.

you & i are gonna have such a good time
now that we're done fighting
i'm sorry i can't be yours,
but it doesn't even matter.
mardi gras is gonna be awesome!

i got soo ****** up,
but i mellowed out eventually,
and i kept a ray of sunshine.

Oh, you've done such an awful thing
Why can't you see?
The price we're paying for your beauty, Lucy
Gnawing on the corpse of Gabriel...

When we're together death finds synergy
Wherever love can't stay
And I've been wrestling the day
Just to try to say I love you

Are we the shadow fire that ignites in our society?
Is that really us? A day we'll never overcome...

But between your legs
And in your arms
Is where I need to be
Oh! Marie, Marie, Marie
I live under your thumb

hungry for
the hollow gas
of fame?

hungry for
a thick,
eternal
flame.

filled frame
better roses
finer stories

filled glasses
open sockets
quiet sunshine

felt in organs
not deciphered

dealt with in harmonies
and not some sick,
twisted business

The instrument is raw,
Its cause is raw
But when it reigns in its focus,
Sends the world in a flourish

We are sewn together.
Was it to learn
How not to be a monster?

Are we really here together
In the only space there is--
Meatsacks,
Til we soon collapse?