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bennu Jan 2021
I have become


Shriveled up when I felt too much
Like some cowardly, lowly mollusk,
But vines

Vines rustle as they reach
The length of your spine

That stealthy girl
I bet she's still alive

Lou had brown skin like crumpled newspaper and a voice like muddy gravel
His skin and his life hung loosely from his skeleton
Having developed fat
Having developed a slight limp

We prayed for utter salvation from the confines of a two-man cell,
But I dropped myself off

Now I could reach down my throat
And my heart would slip around this mess of blood and guts.

It might take me an hour to find it
What's next,
My brain?

In my shell

Somewhere far away
You're a fire dancing in the rain
The very same one that sang my body, too
And I just draw up what I'd do
If I could--
To try and love *you.
bennu Aug 2020
I'll never see you again
And I'll never see you again
bennu Aug 2020
Oh, artists!
Always losing things!
bennu Nov 2020
I am turning with the leaves back home,
Tossing and turning and changing colors.

I feel the black stain on the back of my neck,
It hits me hard like a reverse sunburn.

It begins to insult my composition.

I envy quiet self-awareness
A deranged ruminant licking at its cud.
I want your stripped and tightened frame,
But at least I'm fodder for a better day.

You're a good mix all ways.

You're a damsel in distress.

You're a nightmare to conceive,

But you're a good mix,
All ways.
I'm craving Trader Joe's trail mix.

dedicated to  D.M.T.
bennu Jan 2021
Despite travels with an even tide
A cool sublimation separating hate from the garden
Cool drifting through your afternoon
Whether ripe or rotten

Drinking nectar from the garden
Its bulging eyes and gnawing mandible make their transactions
Brain swimming with nonsense
Heartbeat muted by the abscess of mutation
bennu Jul 2020
my twisted little heart has grown to hate romance
inject it with liquor
and it'll grow a little more

rose petals lose themselves on the wind
only destined to be a passing look

some get caught on fences
and some get caught
in my mind

but none of them taste good for very long
i'm always tearing out pieces of myself and watching them decay
you're always watching me do that
and it's never comfortable, no
no just go away

don't watch me do this
bennu Nov 2020
Something's happened to you,
Joseph k.
Something bad
And you can't explain it to anyone
And all of a sudden you're here
Sitting in front of all these judges

My blonde college goddess knows all about that thing
It burns hot around her pupils as she takes another pull at the river
A solid girl
A kayak woman
And she pushes back the earth another hair of a degree

On her morning run.

She doesn't stop for anyone
bennu Feb 2021
I wish I could participate.

Some people see the stars
Like strings on a guitar
Or rungs
On a ladder

But right now I see them
Like steps you've taken away from me
Or steps I took from you
Documented their histories and positions
And gave them all names.
Each one
With a reason~

and He Acts Like He Can't Help It
and Irrationality Won

So done surprising you with love music,
Now I'm a talking doorknob
Who will arbitrate entry, aloof and outlandish

When the night sky is my glistening disembowelment
It's dizzying to look at
I hardly feel like plucking a heart string
Or strumming an intestinal coil
To serenade my sweetheart

I just feel like crying a river to carry us through that stupid ******* door
bennu Sep 2020
for someone not like us,
the strong, the stoic and calm
you left all that dust to the devil
without a moment's hesitation

i'll come and ride along
with ears for what is wrong
before i go off speeding again,
down the highway to hell.
bennu Aug 2020
i woke up in disparate pieces,
it was hard to reign them in
we don't always get along
but i can try to reign them in

if you just can't stay together
you'll be leaning on the weather
and your body will point several ways
to teach us all a lesson.

i woke up with that old puzzle
love was buzzing on my nightstand
a project i've been working on,
i need to beat the dead line.

it's cold self-separated,
hope my love can stand the weather
i'm hopeful and i'm naked
will my love come back together?

in time,
in time,
the light will make you cry
in time,
in time,
we fall

in time,
in time,
there's so much more than just your life
in time,
in time,
we fall

i woke up with just one chance
but i didn't respect my love
now i have an ugly scar
because i didn't respect my love

when your heart is just a way
to pump TV static to a wilting brain
then your body will point several ways
and teach us all a lesson.

i woke up past six alarms
love was buzzing on my night stand
a project i've been working on
now it seems i missed my deadline

but i made a teacher of the sky,
she said, "Alright, just this one time
I'll let you slide

Yeah, just this time...
I'll let you slide."

in time,
in time,
the light will make you cry
in time,
in time,
we fall

in time,
in time,
there's so much more than just your life
in time,
in time,
we fall

there's a desolate wasteland
that chokes the land of milk & honey
so it's supersaturated,
not every joke he tells is funny

so if a part of you
should wander off
then call a headcount
and keep your party single-file
'cause there's only one way out.

in time,
in time,
the light will make you cry
in time,
in time,
we fall

in time,
in time,
there's so much more than just your life
in time,
in time,
we fall
bennu Mar 2020
He ravages your ****
A dog sticks its nose in ****
What else is new

I need a new girl
And a new chance
To leave her body untied

(Trade in these fake and dumb straps for something real)
Okay just kidding but you see my point

Romance isn't lost on me
I can still make a girl
Fall in love
bennu Aug 2020
a dizzy name, a silly song
an old, cracked joke
a dried bouquet.

when Marshall realized Lilly was,
in fact,
being just a little selfish,
and Ted coached the appropriate response.

moments like that.

like why did i hang for so long?

there's strong truth to that too,
when maybe it was just her style
her lust for life that was so hot
so exact, it was love
maybe she just stole all your breath
and never
gave it back.

i don't care if you're married,
i don't care if you're open or closed
older or colder or kinder or both
i don't care if we hug
i don't care who knows
but i'll be ******
if i never see you again,

it's creeping up on me now. that it's empty. that she was just privileged and not much special. but it HAS to be special. well, it was. i swear i'm not just ttripping... i REMEMBER her. she was SO COOL. she stunned me. she totally just stunned me with how beautiful she was, and how exactly HER. do what makes YOU happy. fight HARD for yourself and everything you love. wake up and go for runs in the morning. have **** pictures of yourself in your room. trace your lovers' hands by your bedside for your new boyfriend to see. you made me want to explore what it means to be human. it's an honest swoon. yeah there was some **** you coulda done better but second time around i wouldn't even ask for that, i'd get you addicted and just hang around you all day.

i have met no one like you~
bennu Oct 2020
oh no--
i must tell you
my ex girlfriend
she has done
some awful things to me!
bennu Aug 2020
She has worked herself into quite the predicament
Magnetizing love, running everything through wires
Inheriting the world diagonally again and again
Turning up the contrast until the pixels scream and bleed
Giving her children the nightmare of love
Giving her children saturated kisses
Giving them candy and drugs and hate and indifference
Breaking babies on her ******* knee with cold hard facts
Giving life to you and me

Now this may not be easy
And it may be way too ******* complicated
But I really love to see them come together
Love to see that support in hard times
Love to see that humility and working with what we have
We were meant to love each other
And that is an ancient thing
bennu Jul 2020
the second we touch we go stale
unless we nurture the fountain together
we respect its gentle graces and
******* stupid fountain
bennu Dec 2020
We could be California dreaming
But nothing's what it seems
Would you tune into bodhicitta
/Would you bend to find a meaning
Would you level with me

For a second?

I thought I had it right,
But all my criticisms of you
They just melted into spite
I wanna love you
Don't wanna waste my days and nights
Pretending I'm above you
Like I'm drowning in the light ...
bennu Aug 2020
i remember when
you were a hungry hungry caterpillar.

munching on the leaves,
twiddling mandible,
buzzing eyes.

i would walk in the room
and you'd start spinning your cocoon

i know that soon
you'll be a butterfly.
i'm such a gross little caterpillar
but i'm such a pretty butterfly.
bennu Jan 2021
If you ever needed a hint,
I got you one.
If you ever needed to chill,
I'd still care.

Because we're smart like that,
Because we're askew.
bennu Mar 2020
Let the lava lay thick and hot where it will
Let it rebel against the black crust in these places
And allow its eventual slip out to sea here,
Speaking to me in some way
From the depths of magma to the sea
And stars
bennu Aug 2020
the setting is a walk-in closet, because i was in a walk-in closet when i had this sudden weird daydream. the guys are really drunk hanging out at one of their houses after a party

James Franco (checking on a friend): to the tune of "The Big Bang" by Rock Mafia, sorta stage-whispery and drunk-in-a-closet-y

The Big Big Bang,
The reason for ma ****,
The shorties wanna bang
and all i can say is

(FRANCO pulls aside, placing hand on forehead as if to see something in the distance)


JONAH HILL is already sitting in corner, rolling way too hard and crouching over a trash can.

Jonah (totally wasted): The Big Bang isn't the reason for your ****, Franco.

SETH ROGEN was tailing Franco, and butts in.

Seth: Actually, Jonah, it totally is. The Big Bang created everything.

Jonah: (looks aghast)

FRANCO AND SETH turn to each other, brimming with laughter

Seth: He's realizing it!

Jonah: (pukes into trash can)

Franco: And I guess he'll realize the rest of it later, huh? (winks)

JAMES FRANCO leaves the closet, locking the other two behind him without hands. He then proceeds to the kitchen, followed by a trail of fire, as if there were a spontaneous trail of gasoline. As the room fills with smoke, banging is heard from the unfortunate souls in the closet. It sounds gay. FRANCO'S eyes glow red like coals and he laughs an awful, bass, demon laugh. It was just edited by a computer though, that wasn't real. FRANCO removes a bagel from the freezer. He microwaves it. *******.
ya boi is bennu (by Matt Shaw)
bennu Sep 2020
i can't bring myself to it
it wants to live so bad,

but i can't wrench my mind together
it's howling, rushing in

i just don't seem to care as much
i always seem to **** this up

i was supposed to be so brilliant
but i'm just venting, babe
it's not gonna happen--
this is killing me.
i'm only saying this as a defense mechanism that i actually can't control my brain fully, and really, this IS all i'm able to do.
bennu Mar 2020
You might think my touch
Is lovely,
You might think my eyes
Are nice--
You might think I'm not that ugly

All that love
For all that vice

But sometimes love is best resolved
By hoping she finds better life
Sometimes touching only hurts
And good intentions
Lead to strife
bennu Aug 2020
a swirl of white creative light,
a long, long talk with a palette--
the messy room of a man
who's just not there yet.

this half-artist loves
a loose order
and letting his room be moved
by higher forces

so what is quivering within him?

why such a tease?
an initial fluttering
perhaps (he prays)
before the first real flap of the wings.

but now,
see the rustle of complete dissolution
ah, yes
there and there, and ... almost there--
(so close!)
may overcome his maiden voyage yet.

All your life:
Moonlit, drunk on ******.
i don't do ******, but i'm comparing my personal hang ups to doing ****** because really i'm just addicted to pretty vacant behaviors that get me nowhere..... or i don't channel myself right...
bennu Jan 2021
Every sip I trade for petty glee
Takes me that much further from you
You know your wine *****,
All I wanna do is insult you until it's tangible--
The air around us will begin to scream about what a little ***** I am,
What a little ***** I've been
And what gives me the right to go MIA
By the way,
Don't hate me cause I'm gay

Or just because I'm sad too
Or hate me cause I'm sad--
I don't give a ****,
This is ****** wine.

I should find solace in eudaimonia
And calmly work my heart rate up
But I had to be human,
A reeking, shrinking mess.

Now I'm ******* bricks because it's leaking like a sieve
But after crimson left my face
You were smiling like we both knew

Almost like we both knew this would be okay
bennu Jan 2021
Shut them up, everyone
Saying "you're tripping"
For once we will act
Like this all makes sense.

Way too apparent
Often predictable
Stumbled on something
That no one expects

Kiss you all over
Pick up the pieces
Who would have thought
That she wanted to know?

My life is a joke!
But she knows how to take it
A can of beans
An evening ****
bennu Oct 2020
i want to write a poem about
"become a cartoon"
where you just become a figure
based on your surroundings
where you just become an image
and you lose your personal tether

become a cartoon, love
lose yourself in the static
get pixelated awesome
shoot yourself into the sky

make love to your surroundings
make sweet electric love
my name is Benny Saccharine
it's nice to meet you,
take my picture!
bennu Dec 2020
I think I died, he said
And stared right at the sun
The black that started swirling
Watch it overtake the sky

And sickly, from the shadow
Blossomed forth the same **** world
Only, something felt a little lighter
Something, indeed
Was missing...

Whatever it was that was missing from his skin
Left the world lighter
And so more easily let go

Like everything was aerogel
With nothing holding special hell
He remembered standing here before
With chunks torn from his heavy heart

And where he hit his head,
He fingered that old scar.

I could almost tell you something, but I'm afraid that I am dead
I whisper bleak, I love you
Try to hide the words
From God

Something just turned off in me,
I don't know what it is
I'm never sure which world I am inhabiting at present.

I'm never sure which world I am inhabiting at present,
I'm never sure which world I am inhabiting at present.

I'm never sure which world I am inhabiting at present--
I'm never sure which world I am
At present.
bennu Mar 2020
Black things you do
That's not my religion
Jaw clenched eyes forward
Jaw loose now, loose
I neither celebrate nor disparage them
Slipping to no crazy place in my mind
Keeping all things balanced
With black things you do

I examine the blood on my wrist
It's not mine
I kinda feel like I learned a lesson

I shrug and lick my lips

I'm still hungry
bennu Sep 2020
my eyes bleed everything blue
when i look it releases an awful hue
what arms hold me there in your mind
that chandelier case that's gracing your spine
i wish i could see like you
but indigo's calling. yes, aubergine too
your eyes are a brilliant blue
and your eyes were a brilliant blue.
bennu Sep 2020
waste of time, waste of breath
inimical, i am, to myself--
what gentle ***** are you carving now?
or adjusting your machine, now resting
on the bed... the gentle *****
of your neck
pulsing with life.
bennu Jun 2020
Sometimes you can wear just
But it is a bit much.

You can make it work,
But maybe it feels a bit...

Like from the rip,
It feels like we've talked about this way TOO MUCH.

I've never been the OBVIOUS ONE
The one that you seek or the one you expect...
And sometimes if I'm feeling it I can turn RED,
But down towards the bottom and off to the left--
That's ORANGE,
That's nothing's wrong with my head
I'm just different you know it you learn to accept
Orange obnoxious amazing in bed
Orange orange orange
bennu Oct 2020
Need I say more?
🤷‍♂️ a guy can try
bennu Jul 2020
he was a pet name
of troubled origin!

maybe a little more
than just a floating face
with some business behind it.

anyway, i wonder about her dead cat
hers, not schrodinger's
and find myself once in a sea of people.

some of them are weird,
some i haven't yet met
and maybe that's what weirds me out the most
is that i'm only approximately real.

oh, for the love of god...

someone grab me a Dos Equis.
bennu Sep 2020
Not sure why,
But I'll be thinking of you when I die

It was just the way
The rain drummed on the balcony window
In your bedroom.

The whole world is just a long, irritating noise
Buzzing rudely past paradise
Our year is what pivots my life
I can't--
I won't
Will not change that in my mind.

Because you are my stella star
Something to always go back to
It didn't hurt that much
I'll love you forever,
And I don't know why.
bennu Dec 2020
Decaying skin like mushy black tissue paper
Pull some off and stick it on the wall

I have brain damage I can't find the walk
And I can't find my tongue
But I love to talk

Stare with acid eyes at the wall
Write another poem to Dearah
"Dearah" autocorrects to "search"

What a strange coincidence

I have become strange
My skies have become brown and gray
But I'm still ****, I guess
What a mess

**** me now
**** me now
**** me now

No, god ******
It has nothing to do with her
Yes she is ******* lying.
bennu Sep 2020
Wake up, wake up and
Roll your eyes at the world
Know it'll all be over soon

Don't you dare seize
Any ******
You know you're only gonna meet your doom

And when the sunrise
Meets your eyes
You'll take it
As an insult
Be offended that you're even alive

You're too offended to be alive!

Scratch at those walls
Until your fingernails bleed
You know you're only gonna waste your time
Tall walls of time
Now are calling you home
Feel them hug you, it can feel...

As your organs decay inside your body, today
Take a second to remember this:
Your heart just moves around your blood, silly girl
Your brain is what you use to kiss.
bennu Aug 2020
tightly bound in a symmetrical web of muscle,
her skull is her chariot in this world
she's a solid arrow
pointing in the direction of her faith,
though you claim to have none,
sharp--and brimming with love,
though you claim
to be so empty,

heedless of their jabs and grabs,
the engine is alive in blue coals
held there by one who knows something
deeper there, somewhere inside...

and when the system breaks down
she holds her grace.
so much is vibrant with this woman
pushing past her definition
iron strong
but nothing's normal--
just the way
i like it.
by the way barbara
bennu Nov 2020
i can't carry on with
these empty, dying eyes
i'll find a little fire
to rejuvenate awhile
i can't hold a candle
without it blowing out and dyin'
and i can't hold a candle
to the way that you been tryin'...

i'm another person
with more needs and less too offer
i can't carry on with
these empty, dying eyes
i might lose my mind
to the demon of frustration
but when i lay a demon flat,
i call it demonstration

know that youth is fleeting
see the patterns all repeating
catch yourself with grace
before the grace you have left dies
i can't carry on with
these empty dying, eyes
i've got to hold them carefully
at least i've got to try

i care about your shot dude,
and all that goes along
i care about your singing
and i care about your song
i was blessed
with real sensitive skin
i try not
to cry about it
but when she puts me up on top
i can try to help you out
bennu Mar 2021
I **** my life away
A shaded newt
Hiding under the log
Of good fortune

I hope a witch comes by
And uses me
For a spell

I am utter ****.
But I glisten in the sunlight
Blondie never loved me
I was never truly gay.

My eyes are detachable
My flesh is a mere excuse
I can't grow a beard like Soupy
But I can't manage the noose

Maybe I'll just die
A sad and scared
And scattered man
Maybe I'll just die.

But I ain't got a plan.
bennu Jan 2021
A strong person sends me on my way,
I balk, i
Wish it was time
To remember how to walk

I keep myself occupied, but drugs will transform
I just needed someplace safe and warm

The chaos theory of blowing leaves is threatening
Try not to take it as an insult
The sunlight is hard, but it's yellow

And yellow
Is for *******
bennu Mar 2021
computer girl
your lips are so cold
your algorithm makes me so raw
your heart beats ones and zeros
oh. you're my ******* hero
bennu Aug 2020
I can take you down
When I speak of death...
But honey, this'll never be anything less
Nothing less

Yes, yes yes.
I do confess
To seducing God
In a tight black dress...

The spoils are mine.
We're perfectly entwined.
bennu Mar 2021
well, there goes the championship
brazen ***** gleaming
tattered throat screaming
clanking down the highway like a batshit malfunctioning drone

not gonna say
whether we won or lost

you can be the arbitrator
on that.
bennu Aug 2020
it's been a hard road since we lost control
i can't get right
bennu Mar 2020
A slow and clumsy turn from disaster,
Enacted by a perverse captain with a fetish for twisted metal,
A bellwether romancer of the seas

A bitter day with better weather,
The amputation of dis-ease
bennu Nov 2020
There's no sign
Of the places where you left
Park benches where you slept
No scent
No trail
To find your body

No evidence of hatred where you bled
They used bleach to watch the stains
Your aching heart
Was played
Like a pop song on the airwaves, baby we've got it made

But I'm crumbling
And I think it's my fault
You poured the concrete and I'm following
My center of gravity
My center of gravity
My center of gravity
bennu Jan 2021
Death's citadel grows roots into the world
Like the sinking teeth of an infernal dragon

Inside me lives the chance to waste it
Which is more symmetric than good is to good

An infernal, internal dragon

An infernal, internal, eternal dragon

A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad dragon
bennu Aug 2020
i want to be
a man whose feet
denote beloved
and forsaken

whose heart knows,
who follows love
too quickly for his demons

cut up,
cut up, you cut me up
you cut me up to pieces

to face the red
and dash the black
you cut me up to pieces
bennu Oct 2020
i love not knowing

feeling up the walls with thoughts of you
i love not knowing what you're doing
i'd almost ask you not to tell

i love to wonder what you're doing
and thinking of your feet
in holey socks

but knowing's better
because it's the ***** of your neck
and kissing is even better
because, your little golden hairs in the sun


they're ours.

they belong to the whole human race,
like scars.

they swim out of my love
and they're all that you will find
if you pounded on my vision
and began to crack the sky.
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