see me,
are you surprised
you little blue boy
screaming with black eyes?

silver hair
falls into view
the morning dew
and air pulled tight
for my composition

she has made a fool of me, and now
it's time
for us
to fly
around
the moon

There's love in that muscle
Love sparked between bodies spun by nucleotides
Nucleotides rolling around and reacting in the mud
Making fools and heroes and liars and cynics of us

I'd love a strong core
I'd love to meet someone
And show them who I am
And to find more love in that world

I'd hate to be abandoned
And be all alone
And feel worried
And insulted
And told in different ways
That I don't matter

This is my treasure.

Doesn't it mean anything to you?

focus on living
life's too short for every explanation
just go
don't be so afraid
don't just run away

REALIZE what you're DOING
be humble and be bold

NOW--
simmer down your temper
stop whining, you're an adult
sometimes, it's still worth it
but this time, it's too late

I wonder what will make me sing again
Lift up my skeleton and make it ring again

Sometimes I see you holding up a sign
With black smudges in a language and a world I won't recognize, and I

I wonder what will make you sing again
Or maybe you were singing and I didn't hear you
Or maybe you were just on your way to headline your first show

Or maybe you just got drunk too much, I don't know

Then I look back to myself and float down the Automobile River
I'm looking at the highway but really I'm looking in myself
And it's empty.

Empty and scarred from the clawing

But what am I looking for? That's why it's empty.

I put my hand to the fleshy wall in this dark, wet, uncomfortable place
It is full of blood, and scars, and right now (beat)
It is more (beat-beat)
Than the sum of its parts (beat)

i want to be
a man whose feet
denote beloved
and forsaken

whose heart knows,
who follows love
too quickly for his demons

cut up,
cut up, you cut me up
you cut me up to pieces

to face the red
and dash the black
you cut me up to pieces

Only you can:
Make a fool of yourself
Fix this mess
Prevent forest fires

Smokey the bear can't save me now
I'm gonna need to leave this one behind
She stood by the forest with sad, sad eyes

And just as I'm tracking the miles
A molotov cocktail fell thru my sun roof
And I got scared
Suddenly I look a lot
Like smokey the carnival bear (set free, and your love is anemic...)

I told her, I wouldn't care
I just need to cut out all the extra ****.
Flicking lighters
Just to show it's lit
Let yourself see the amazing animal inside
A heart of compassion, winnow that pride

Whatever she does,
You were the one
So act like it

When teeth sink in it feels the same, only red
Red that matters, iron fountain

Then teeth fall out and the eyes know the end
Black and shallow color, it doesn't matter
When the brain can't keep it in

I feel so sublime when my body twitches along
To your radiant music

Then a flash of rouge leaves me stranded in time
Til I find toxins to bind to again
And wash back into the river

oh what a sad, sad
story you have spun
you've turned yourself a-
way from everyone

and what a sad tune
oh, i almost
believe you
i wonder what you're up to (too).
but at least i'm not like you

black snowflakes
a fancy word for ashes
never held, never reached for any office to burn
as i'm sure they would
if i rammed my head through the wall
like i want to
like you did
like you always wanted to
...

you don't have to **** it
to have a good time

so you see, so it's just ****** up--
and now i can't talk straight,
and now i don't feel i have a fair or even shot at anything
and i really feel cornered out of everything and ostracized by everybody
you know, these kinds of things are hard to recover from,
or recuperate, whatever
so you see though, these people,
they don't care
they can't possibly imagine
the stress they've put me under

you know it really is a shame
the good we lose
constantly
due to negligence like this.

i was born the guy that should really hate you
that should really just feel nothing but ire and apathy
but my phone regurgitates the memory of you
and i'm reminded
that cute little voice i use
is how you spoke to your cat
the one that died in Oregon while I wasted your time

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I wasted your time
my eyes are wet

You are a world full of beauty
There is so much to you
I just want to exalt your name
And the fact that you exist

Keep going, don't hang on to needless negativity
Please power on, in case you're doing anything but
Because you really pack a punch--
You're so full of it!

Sometimes you can wear just
ORANGE,
But it is a bit much.

You can make it work,
But maybe it feels a bit...
OVERDONE.

Like from the rip,
It feels like we've talked about this way TOO MUCH.

Like,
I've never been the OBVIOUS ONE
The one that you seek or the one you expect...
And sometimes if I'm feeling it I can turn RED,
But down towards the bottom and off to the left--
That's ORANGE,
That's nothing's wrong with my head
I'm just different you know it you learn to accept
Orange obnoxious amazing in bed
Orange orange orange

when convoluted patients start convulsing
do they expect to find a tool
between the spasms of disorder?

when fictitious accidents lead to homeomorphisms
can i warp emotion gently around you?

is there a secret reserve
in the hyperbolic folds
of your unjust world, one deep enough
to bring it all back home?

or will you meander to the south,
float to the feather like a ground,
and rest there
with your quiet bones?

She likes grey and desiccated veins
Lights up to say the most rosy and positive things
But she loves to decay
Dash it to bits

It's the deepest catharsis
To set it all on fire
Let it be underground, some soggy future Tuesday
Unheard but vaguely felt in the crudeness that keeps crumbling on,
And now it's too late
To learn French

I heard someone crying but I was a ghost.

I sat and watched them.

I couldn't understand what it was about.

The trees standing around
Were just as eerie at night
As in broad daylight

Pieces of me falling off:
Flaking skin
Bits of bone
Nervous slop

I wonder what it's all about

...

The moon cuts into your sky like a vanilla flavored razor
Wrapping your ******* blanket of warm sugar saliva and blood
Like a balmy breeze,
Blowing over a dead body
That wants feeling but can't rejuvenate

But hold a babe to this sugar moon at the right angle--
A saccharine disc atop such decadent confections,
Or a drug wafer melting in the glass of Bacchus
Who was engaged in vibrant conversation with my own friend Apollo
All of these pleasantries
Rest assured, were meant to be

...

I'm sorry but your tears reminded me of my own
When they ran over scars from the moon nobody could understand
And I cried because I'm not a millionaire
& I'm scared
I'm scared
Because moon tears
Don't exist

Why haven't you stopped scanning my social media
Looking for anything you can use in your web of lies?

I hate you, and fully expected you to be an adult and let our past be our past.

You are so crazy,
In a way that I could never be,
And you can't intimidate me anymore from speaking the truth.

I may deal with things in my own weird ways,
But you really need a diaper
You are power tripping
You were when you wrote those lies
This is all that type of an emotion for you
Matt can't just be an ******* to me and get away with it

Eat my shorts, *****

I've got the TRUTH on my side.

It is VILE that you defend your lies THIS DEEPLY.
I would never defend lies the way you are defending yours.

I never wanted this with you.

I wanted to remember the good times.
Now your stupid name makes me sick.
Now I'm going crazy about my reputation
But you know what?

I'm not listening to my parents or ANYONE
Because I KNOW THE TRUTH FOR CERTAIN
I will keep speaking to exactly what happened and you can't scare me BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING.

Let it go.

Become an old lady.

Then,
Find some more dirt to lie in.

like i'll never leave your side
like i'm broken inside
like moonlight
like baby food and formula
like love
like the moral of a thousand words with eddie murphy
like me
like you
like anything except whatever matters
which, by the way
was always nothing,
no one
is safe

or nevermind, i guess
if you're safe you're lucky

and yes i agree
it is stupid to look at things
in such a negative way,
let me play with your head
now go back out

whatsamatter honey
ain't it a good time
ain't it the right time

whatsamatter honey
ain't it the right time
ain't i the right guy

i wish i could shatter your crooked little heart again.

you paint a pure, innocent caricature of yourself
i was letting my cruelty and neglect sting my brain
when your letter arrived at work.

you cleaved away my job with your lies.

i stopped the stinging short.
your carefully constructed poison darts were successful,
you cheered when they found their target.

corrupt daggers of hypodermic hate
with little red flags of feigned victory, and you know it's true

were they harbingers of justice
there'd be a different chemistry,
but i don't have those chemicals
in my body.

how pathetic did you have to be,
that you stooped even lower
than me?

wish i could pull the pulsing red from your chest--
i'd look you in the eyes
and stomp your heart to death

and we'd both know what transpired
and we both would understand
because i know you don't believe your lies;
you set your goal to break my life.

They won't ever understand.

All my life is target
Practice, a bunch of arrows
Make me quiver.

Diana loves her
****** sport. Her visage makes
A good man shiver.

All my life is target
Practice, down by
That muddy river.

And Cupid's off his
******* rocker. Someone, please
Deliver.

You're sickening
The sugar bubbles from your mouth
And you stare at me with seething, yellow eyes

You couldn't compact all that hypothetical emotion into one human being,
It wouldn't be right

So you look at me with these yellow eyes with flickering hips and melting,
Perfectly formed lips
You're flickering,
Flickering this.

You're sickening
Black burnt sugar
The sweetest thing I ever tasted

A girl with a funny name
From central pennsylvania.

There's a sweet lamb but you have her in a cage
There's a sweet boy but you broke him in a rage
There's a taste here. When there's a spot there's a taste and when there's a taste there is a spot,
These days I'm just trying to figure out what I'm not

You're attractive,
But you're dangerous
You're a sin,
Just to taste this
My advice,
Be patient.

Without shoes

I have seen the sunlight go stale
You have to work your way around it
And keep it as alive as you can

Stale yellow sunlight
Death in the daytime
Break me on your knee
And burn my skin ******* pale.

sometimes i do--
i expect you
to get over my problems
and stitch me into your world

come on,
just take it with a grain of salt
and accept me.

but i know--
i threw a body forward
sometimes with love and sometimes not
sometimes like a star and sometimes like a black hole
and i promise you i'm sorry for it
if i could just see
if i could just move

if i could find
another thirty minutes somewhere,
i'm sure everything would find me
all that's left
is just to sing.
/

you're a ******* though,
and you know it
but you carry on with this *******
because you just can't take it anymore,
and you just think that's really cool,
or something...

i guess--

yeah.
different points of your life are so **** awkward,
but you live to pierce the atmosphere with your ruby glow
or ride through the night on your burrito-bought CR-V
you pray for fame but you won't receive it if you don't work for it
you just have to get through this time
oh, what a *******

hungry for
the hollow gas
of fame?

hungry for
a thick,
eternal
flame.

filled frame
better roses
finer stories

filled glasses
open sockets
quiet sunshine

felt in organs
not deciphered

dealt with in harmonies
and not some sick,
twisted business

subtle deformations compound
the twisted work of a drunken sculptor
but worse, it moves, and thinks
and turns,
it loves, and hates, and talks--
must work!

i'm not sure exactly where i went wrong
but i'm listing, dizzy
it's getting hard to see
yes, it's getting cloudy

i meant what i said yesterday
but it's as if i've had a stroke
...of luck!
i'm still alive
it's not that bad
just overthinking...
****!

Don't imbibe something a
****** idiot swallows angrily...

Drink it slowly, and
Dive into something articulate

//

Make a real intentional effort.

Make art. Rise into existence.

//

This universe reaches North,
Expanding reality.

look for the normal,
see the world cracked open?
i found a new normal--
over your house
in the sands of your time
in the mellow of your mood
in the warmth of your body

normal can be odd, like us
no mastered world would then confront me
and tell me differently
though i suppose with authority
it could sure correct me.

we live in close-knit communities
but love to travel far away
bringing back the spoils of experience
offering ourselves to the lord

and normal can be even, like them
like i said, tell me differently
bring me to my knees
and show me the error of my ways.

What you lose to heat death
Is all you'll gain in this cold life:
She takes you
And makes you
Abstract
Until you're gleaming with a ***** jacket
Sordid skin
Sleeping in this public park until you make it to the west coast
The weather is better there
Maybe you'll find work
In a pizza shop or something

I'll find you. I'm clawing through a labyrinth of flesh
I'll find the main artery and rip out the beating heart
Drink and drink and drink like a dying dog someone left in the desert

Will I find you...?

It's only right the previous owner will have to wander the same distance through the afterlife
To find the waters of retribution

You can play with my skeleton
She's got bits of diseased meat stuck to her
I know you wanted a kiss
But well, there isn't much left.

With a twinkle in your eye you said,
"We'll see about that."
And oh sir, I didn't mean you any harm
But you had to step away
And you set the twinkle on the ground by my feet
In case I ever needed a reason to smile on a rainy day

My eyes watched it all crying septic tears of shame and guilt

No one should ever have to go down like this

So play with my skeleton
And what a romance it would be
If she danced like she used to
When I still ******* believed.

the devil lives
in all our stomachs
souring them

when we know what we could do to ourselves
what we would do
with a different brain
in a different time and space

children collide
they burst each other's bubbles
decay and create more

when he stops to feel whole
call it wholesome

but when it's fight or it's flight
that's just another night

I'll send you an emissary
Though this atmosphere
Is no trustworthy medium to carry it
I see my definition stretching
Ad infinitum
Like a hall of mirrors

When we were lovers,
The world was made up of little quantum kisses
Our bodies interacting
They were the atoms that made up reality

Now, that kiss is in secret
Marred
Withered and dried
Stomped to dust and swept eagerly off your dad's back porch
Where we used to smoke cigarettes

It hardly makes up a thing,
Flickering memories.

But if that memory flickers,
It existed.

I'll send you an emissary
And as these little pieces of my heart come off
You'll know.
You'll know that I loved you.

You'll know that I'll love you forever.

you are like ice into another dimension,
where everything goes to freeze and be perfect
you are like the love of my life
only different
deader
containing the definition of anything that tries to be penultimate

collapsing the heads of babies
perhaps in that bedroom
she spins their deaths to a sweet scent

but i can never quite capture your essence
because you're not some viking queen
in fact, it was never about the turner girl at all
more just about this moment
right here

he doesn't want to know
his clothes are rags
or they deserve to be
when he doesn't care about the five dollars to buy the tool to fix his car
i did
but also,
did not
in so many ways i bought alcohol instead
decades later
he is vomiting, retching down the road
they don't feel bad
but they are disgusted
because they know
he chose this for himself

we string our pasts along behind us
like his decrepit old toy train on a rope
to others
they are jokes

they just care about the brawn
they want a fine and well-spoken soldier
well i've got one thing down

an awkward body
can't convey its rights
she thinks it's funny
when i can't fly right
she thinks it's cute
and she kept her poet pet
no, go ahead
because i understand

i've got no ground
on which to stand

well, it was great
it was a priceless day
but i'd never let my dreams leak
in through the wallpaper
or float across the horizon
gleaming on the other side
of the mattress

you play with arrogance and humility like some sort of mad chemist,
scared to call you a virtuoso for all the places you go.

bobbing and weaving in and out of traffic
you're in and out of consciousness
clinging to a cute raft
slowly melting in the sun

oh, just push me over
my ego will give you one
last
good
scream

i wasted my time
what a shame
now just silence that whiny voice
'cause my ears are ringing

Kitty walks down the beach with a girl,
Why don't you **** him?
Why are his guts not
Everywhere?

Completely...
Black tights squeezed
On a tight little frame
Touch me, feel me in every way

Nonsensical with the golden sun,
I'm gilded not golden
As I'm always reminded.
It feels so good to kiss me,
Doesn't it?

Yeah well, you stirred up a stew
With complex flavors
I turn beet red
When it does me favors

I feel like a sandcastle
I feel like a star
Long Road to Ruin,
I feel...
Like Dave's car.

Kitty is driving
But really, he's smart!
How long til we get there?
Can we call this art?

it's been a while since 1984
i watched them pull the twisted wreck from the atlantic,
the virus we once called your heart--
it's been some time since the mainframe went rogue,
tore it apart

it's been a while since 1984
now, there are needles in my eyes
so i turn and run from the truth
blinding myself, running from

the sands of time make Ares blush:
the sands of Earth are green and lush,
i remind myself
as chains pull up

it was the missing part of a war machine
it was the instance where you could, and did
it was the fatal blow that killed a king,
the pipe dream of some hipster kid.

There are things I wanted to be
An incomplete identity
A current that was dashed and spun,
Now looking for another one!

Watch the river twist and writhe
You'll find me in the rapids
But before you find me there
I must be peaceful, like the Delaware

An instrumentalist for sure
A writer, but a reader first
A learner, oh a student of
The drunk vicissitudes of love
A scientist and avid man
Adventurer with sturdy plans
I want to hold these eyes again
With certainty
With piercing gaze

A donor, for the sake of form
A human body feels so warm

if you don't close those curtains soon,
i'll end this show myself!
i've got actors & entertainment galore
i've got music and philosophy,
gut-wrenching emotion.

all behind these lids.

my festering mind hisses and spits
stunted by itself
chemical burns and sleep deprivation
paralyzed by a world
it doesn't want to believe

Stroking ego, don't disturb me
I'll cry real hard if you ever hurt me

Let's cut a deal as straight as we can afford:
I've heard about Kochs and Madoffs, Fords
And I'll scream real loud if you even scrape me,
But let's not lie
You can always escape me

And it's actually a pretty ...scary thought
The kind of thing that I think about lots
Cutting around my
Bloated ego
Trying to see the world
Correctly

As I siphon out this sick self-pity
And spit it in the grass for you,
I'm trying hard to see you normal
That **** don't hold up in board rooms

sometimes i don't think
i panic
spout gibberish into the night
call it life

oh i have it,
i'm just not giving it
oh, i heard you
i'm just not listening
oh, i'm a star
but i'm just not glistening
i've got a lot of love
for the kids who ***** and hiss.

Chew on a root for a while, human
Better for the mind
Deeper than a sugarpill

Drop some jagged wisdom on the slanted eve
Press your brow into the horizon
See the colors that will melt away

Take the harder path, the one you know you should
See the smaller man, see how he towers above you!
I won't be famous 'til I'm dead
And I hope you won't lament the things we may have missed...!

Walk the narrow edge to the finer grove
Sail the hurling sea, far above their sunken bodies
Take to the sky, against the advice of your aging father

You are more than what you are.
Won't you make the sky a doctor?