That night, I’d swear I was 19 again
dodging, dancing, dodging you,dancing,
while the acid in my stomach
made smitherines of my pride, of my hope,
all that hungry grumbling
i tried my best not to choke
in that high room where
smoke crept in a cloud-like roll
I know this feeling & I’ve been here before
You whisper, were you saying much?
So many words, maybe some meaning?
None of it meant anything in the end
So I spent the night loving someone new,
only hoping to stroke out that primal passion
If I can’t swallow him, please let him swallow me
Now I know,
No one likes to see open minefields like me
Not at twilight, not with quiet smiles
on their drunken lips,
not in stages of recovery,
Or rebellion. April.
I thrashed violently as if something
were closing in on me.
But there was no capture & I was only desperate
to stop feeling.
Anything at all.
I just craved joy.
That morning, the Ides of March
I knew it was dead, and all this shedding
was just me trying to rince off the stench.
Alas, the perfume of decomposing beauty
has me running circles about your shadows.
All these spirals, all these cycles
The years march on and I still prefer intoxication
More than anyone I know