I had to say farewell to a friend of mine
As I mourn him
He was always  satisfying
Smooth and tasted so good
Made me laugh and we had fun
He turned me into a flirty *****
Feeling so *****
I will spend ten dollars not a penny more
It's cheap to drink when you look like me
After two hours I'm on the dance floor
Waving my hands and shaking my things
A couple pills to ease the pain
My friend Jack likes it this way
I miss you so
I wish we could visit more
But your not good for me
Yet I desire you everyday on my lips

The  vintage suitcase smells musty
As I Look through all the pictures and postcards strewn about on the floor
I start to collect the memories of it all
The astonishing travels as well as my inner fight
Leaving and making a home where ever it feel right
The relentless of the hustle of it all
My lipstick is smeared my hair is a mess
My dress is torn and tattered I feel so warn
Body longing  for a touch that would linger for awhile
Their  were times I felt I had it all
But most of the time I just don’t recall
The loneliness of the road
Smoking cigarettes one right after the other
Tasting the harsh whiskey on my tender tongue
All the men that would come and go
Telling  me I can’t commit
What do I have to lose?
I say just go
See my mind is desperate and damaged
I can’t even breathe
Why do I need?
I gather up my broken heart
Place it in my hands crumbling  to my knees watching the remains of me
As I float into the air
Spent my time trying to repair  
Trying to escape this weakness in my eyes
I awake to your  face up against mine
I reach across to touch you
Are you mine?
I’m trying to be strong
Yet I feel so wrong
What has happened to my faith ?
I want to be happy I want to be free
I feel as though I’m falling from the place
Now where do I go when their  is no space for me
Only love can heal this core of mine
Only love tastes sweeter than your wine
Only love can confirm my fears
I want to touch you for awhile have you near
Caress the softness of your skin
Take your lips trace the contours on my face
Take me hold me tightly feel my hips
Leave your damage  on my heart
I want to feel something give me hope
In the shadows reach for me
Feed me the fluids from your body
I want to be your need and your disaster
Strewn around like old clothes and photos
Forgotten about and very seldom worn
In the final moments when my heart is set free
Then you will slowly remember me
The taste of my lips the smell of my perfume
The way my hair would fall
As we laid  under the moon
Your fingers dance across my breast
Teasing and tempting me
You pull me near to rest
My mind is drifting its  trying to find ease
All I can think of is you on your knees
Defeating my body as I have no fear  
What happened to all the years?
When did my youthful alive soul disappear?
I close my eyes go to that night
Pretend for a moment that its alright

When I see you I don't know if I really see you

Turn around let me look at you

Don't let this disappear

The lack of color

The cry in the night

Love your hungry hands

So desperate and weak

We make gentle kisses as I weep

I will own your heart make it my mine

Won't put a price on it

It's not meant to be sold

I go crazy with fear

Afraid you will go leaving me here

I dream

Want to scream without you

Our worlds seem so far away

If I could just reach you and have you as my own

Unyielding deeper into the core

I go and find you there

Impatient and fevered

Naked and torrid

Strength that takes me

Dampens my eyes

Escape reaches me

And I don't know why

These tears could follow me miles from home
This could be the last night unless I’m found
As I collect the dust from my pores
I’ll give it to you
It has no use not here
I’m a tourist in my own town
I have broken taste
I keep letting you run around in my mind
Taking up my space
Your mouth is all I can taste
Repeating my demise  
Who will decide ?
If I’m broken or just too late
Will you find me after I’m gone?
The walls are bottomless and bleak
Pictures of only you I keep
This is why my spirit leaks
The stars are embers that echo in my heart
Washed away and displaced
Nobody lives here  anyway
I ache as I try and  purge  myself of your face
Lost without an  escape
I have grief that is bigger than this earth
I often wonder who wrote this story of mine?
Will me soul ever meet my body?
The sun is loud the clouds are  keeping secrets from me
Perhaps they will tell me my destination
As the bird takes flight  it crashes into the glass
Blood pours from its eyes  
There is no color there is no sound
I pick up the residue its for you
As the blood  stains my hands
The bird tries to fight
It has had its last flight
Weakened and beaten
Given up to the destruction that it has caused
There is no time
To replenish what was lost

Do you want to know about me?

Want to hear secrets that I keep ?

Then when I go to sleep I weep

That my soul is invisible

When I start to fall I let myself go

I believe in aura's and spirits and so

My purpose is unknown at this time

I feel lonely even in ones embrace

My mind goes in a million different directions

That I hate it here at my place

I smile to fool whats hidden inside

That my body is feeble like as if I died

The mirror tells lies

Photographs of me make me feeel unsettled

Where did I go and when did I even start to leave ?

Can I place a missing persons report for me?

Maybe I can be found if I start to look around

Prehaps I could stumble upon some sort of truth

Something that defines me

Do I have a talent I just haven't found ?

When I'm too weary I just dont know

Let it

Let me

Let it all go

I shall stand beside you

I will honor you

Let you have a voice

Let you speak your mind telling stories of when you were 9

Your golden hair is so pretty and pure

I lost myself in the blue of your eyes

I have no self control when it comes to you

I hold our baby son he is all you

My insides weep for the day that we found out

You may die

Gathering the strength we had and moved forward

I didnt think it would last that maybe it would go away

I watch you everynight as your weary head hangs low

Amazing your still so strong

I cant let you go you belong with me

What to do if you leave

I'll have no purpose or no cause

I just want to spend my days with you

I bring you daisys your favorite flower

You smile at me like no other

Your hands are feeble you try and hold our son

He is getting to be to much for you

He just started to run

I know that you are ready

This seems like a lie

Maybe someone isnt telling the truth

There is a cure and it could work for you

Years of memories

I stand beside you as you close your eyes saying your goodbyes

One day I will be with you again

I'll love you until the end

I will honor who you are and tell our son about his mom

I cant even look at him without feeling sad

I will try and be the best dad

I stand beside you even after your gone

Loving you so much

Missing your touch

When the angel wings touch you as you fly with them

I will know that your safe

You dont hurt there is no more disease

Just a little girl about 9 or so

Playing in the fields

Letting the daisys tickle her toes

I shall love you

So I will let you go

I search the cupboard for the hidden bottle of wine

At that moment my heart breaks

Your hands tangle in my hair

Your kiss taste of sweet alcohol and indesicion

I will anchor myself into your arms

Is my secret safe with you?

I feel so disconnected from who I am

A moon that is to late

For you can't hang it in the sky

I shall gather and nuture all the humanity

I have and move forward

Will you see me for who I am?

Or leave me behind ?

You have broken my bonds

Made me into someone I'm not

I will nourish you with my elegance

Take away the affliction

That I cause everyday

Are you lost without me?

Is everything going to be alright ?

Will I heal myself?

Tell me as I hide under the rain its alright

Come to me and be my angel

My lifeless eyes scream for you

I have a house made of paper

A house made of dust

When you put your hands on it there is nothing to touch

Gathered all the strength I had

Put it into this

Composed what I thought I knew

Existed as this

Crumbled falling and poor

Lost along the way my home hit the floor

Searching for something so I know I’m real

Looking to the streets

Looking for a meal

Put this bottle to my lips

I’ll be warm for awhile

My legs are tired my soul is asleep

Then as darkness comes there is a job for me

I’m full of shame bitter and hate

I can defeat

I study the cracks along my path

That I have walked so many times before

I see the same old man

Looking for his dreams under the stars

I look for a moment just to see

When the next one will come for me

Up against the building so cold

I fall to my knees stuffing the twenty dollar bill into my jeans

As this stranger walks away

I raise my hand to the sky and I begin to plea

Save me from this hell I’m in

Wash it away take my sins

I pick myself up off the ground

Go to a little coffee shop just down town

The people stare at me all battered and cold

It Burden’s my heart just to let you know

I want to shout I was once was like you

My house crumbles between my fists

I take the warm coffee let it hit my lips

The lifeless color in my eyes

As I look at my reflection I ask why?

Out into the cold September night

Wrapping my arms to cocoon myself in

Fighting for what

Will I ever win?

As I drift and my mind roams

Looking into the next day

The winter moon will be coming soon

Will it ever erase the pain I feel

Or take me back to what was once real

Something solid something I can feel

As I close my eyes heading for shelter

Hiding behind my enclosure

The rain starts to fall ever so light

I feel the need to just fight

As the streets call my name

Tonight its my only friend

I study the brick like a piece of art

Where and why did this begin

To the stars and tears that fall along my way

Give me hope for one more day

Love is my religion

Its what I do best

Its the hunger that invades me

Its what knows me best

Grabs me by my inner soul

Holds me tight wont let me go

The strength is has astonishes me so

You cant hold it inside your hands

Or put it on a shelf to admire

Its subtle yet strong

Sometimes may be wrong

But its what I do and where I belong

Tangled strings on the glacier of earth
                            
                                          The faith I had echoes in my mind
                                                            As I unwind

I like early in the morning everything is fresh and new

I enjoy the smell of your perfume and waking up next to you

I love the sound of your laughter it takes away all my blues

I have so many memories that all consist of you

You and me make two

Then you went away from me and left me all alone I can't seem to find you

We had a love like no other

I loved you better than any other

You would delicately dance so graceful and pure

Your soul is that still near?

I know you had to go away sometimes I may forget your name

May I call you dear? I wonder when I grew old and my hair turned this color?

I look out this window that I now call home

Its not the same without you

Do you dance about so delicately like you use to?

Have you remembered my name and my tender ways with you

My body is so feeble and my mind is too

I am sorry if I forget I don't mean to my mind isn't what it use to be

Either is my body? I sit in this chair I cant hardly move my legs

If you come home right now I couldn't dance anyway

I look at myself and wonder where the years went

Being so young and growing so old

I don't think I look good in old man clothes

I hope you hear me at night when I pray sometimes I cry and want to go away.

I will see you once again up in the sky I can remember the day you died

My heart was broken I no longer cared I miss you like crazy and the wonderful smell of your hair.

I am going to come and see you just wait for me I will unite with you

Have no despair in the mean time I will wait for you

Hoping and longing to have you near

I love you and miss you dear

What is the truth?

Who are we to decipher what is hidden inside

To make up the rules of what is believed to be the truth

Prehaps mine are different then yours

Sometimes I just want to give it all up

Head out the door

So many others telling me what to do

Want to hear the truth

Smell it on my tounge

Whiskey will do it

It always speaks for me

Not afraid of ones feelings

Makes it short and sweet

You have a simple choice either accept me for me

Or leave

Shall I repeat myself so that you understand

I will not be afaid of the certainty that I come to believe

Its all I can be

It is all ME

In all the days before tomorrow
I yearned  to reach you and couldn’t
Counted the days that seemed eternal
And the memories that overtook  me
I wanted to love you but shouldn’t
When my lips touched yours they felt foreign
Perhaps this is wrong
With all the minutes, seconds, and more
I can’t help but ask should we do this anymore?
As the rain danced and the thunder rolled
I one day hope to belong
Shall I go on Monday or Tuesday is that  a  better day to die?
I will ask again on Wednesday
But just don’t lie