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 Dec 2013 fisharedrowning
Sue
climbing that metal plateau
wish for the number of acceptance
the digit that magazines deems as beauty

10 pounds lost
15 pounds lost

envying those in the double digits
pulling yourself through
skipping a meal or two

everyone see's a beautiful person who god has gave us
while you only see the bad

what you see as mistakes
they see as beauty

the mirror reflects the diamond standing be-forth it
get off the scale
see yourself for who you truly are
numbers don't define perfection
my humble coat of truth
as smile of pouring skies
which moment dots the scape
curves upon a prize

for speaking tints of red
rainbows in disguise
flashing trod her dreams
kiss her sky goodbye

linger as fog of dead
which seems to keep alive
through strings of steely charms
memories of yesternight

i ache as boiling pain
as pleasure fills my eyes
seep in the tears of past
as moments tranquil fly

i risk the heights of sun
through rumblings of our lives
what breaks upon as rain
as poem it survives
(n)                
in·fi·del·i·ty /infiˈdelitē/*
I have a place where
I take the things that I
want to say, but mustn't
belt out loud.
You told me that
I wouldn't want the
world to hear the things
that scare me,
only because
you didn't want it
to be used
against
me.
I write down the
things that aren't
supposed to be in
my head, only
because you told me
that I shouldn't be
worrying about things
that aren't worth
it.
Since the first day
(middle of December, or
something like that)
you have been
taking care of me
even when I
told you not to
worry.
You threw around
kisses that
carried a sort of
incredible gravity.
Gave out
your signature
on papers that
also had mine.
(Oh honey, you gave me
the kind of love that
I've seen on the
television. What more
could I want?)
Although
even the most
sober entanglements
ask:
(Where are you?)
Today I feel like today is not real,
As if my reality has flipped and now spins like a wheel
Up and down, sideways and backways
How long have I been here?
A minute? An hour? perhaps a few days?

This reality ***** like the thumb of a child
Looking for comfort, forever beguiled
It makes me feel lonely like a knot in a tree
So different from others, there's no one like me
I sit here in this third dimension
Forgotten
Alone
With a desperate need for attention
unsatisfied, unknown

Nobody sees things in the light that I see
My light shines bright, opening the lock with my key

I notice that I feel this reality quite often
Like holding a thousand pounds of ambition
With no courage to soften
Like a wrecking ball of abuse is strangling me like a noose
Like a straight jacket of hope is grabbing me by the throat!
Like a blaze full of sadness so viscous and angry!
This life feels like all that and more,
Pretty much
Mainly

There's some feelings here that cannot be put into words
Ambiguous like art, quick fleeting like birds
They rush through my mind fast like a subway train
but they hurt no matter what, deep in my heart and my veins

This reality stinks, like a soldiers wet feet
full of post traumatic stress
my minds naked, undressed
I need hope, i need help, I need something to eat,
preferably a meal of woman's love,
gentle & sweet

I'll sit in my reality, waiting for something to come round'
Maybe just one smile, perhaps many! Leaping towards me in bounds!
Maybe a whole slew of "you can's" and "no need to frown"'s
Till then I still go backways and sideways, on my wheel of Up Downs
This is not me
I've never been here
it's someone else you see
this is not me.

I want to say goodnight to you but few if any know,and those who did have flown away,do you want to stay and listen to someone who does not know if you are there,
do you even care that I am here?
I fear you don't and so I won't be saying goodnight
in any case
I shall sleep tight
locked inside the darkness of my lonely night.
..and sometimes the nights last for years.
 Dec 2013 fisharedrowning
Sue
dots riddle my face
for what looks like a game in a child's activity book
hiding from the world
feeling scarred and broke

these blemishes make up me
some are physical and most our mental
but still every one is so judgmental

they say society is ugly
then I must be society

i feel them stare as walk past
not wanting any moment to last

for every battle i win, a war awaits me
i see the beauty of the sun
just to watch the darkness of the night take over

confidence is key
but where's the lock

these blemishes make up me
some are physical and most our mental
but still every one is so judgmental

i wake up every morning to to rest again
dreading the hours to past
locked up in my own chain

getting called cute or hot
only lasts a moment
while i remember the ugly within
 Dec 2013 fisharedrowning
REAL
i fell into my skin
and i saw my mind is beautiful
saw the afternoon shine touch the trees
warm thoughts
unfroze
the deeply frozen
pains
my days are smelling like coffee
my toes turning
into liquid
bye
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