Thank you for breaking me
And making me
A better me

Thank you for hurting me
And making me
A stronger me

Thank you for shooting me
And making me
Bulletproof

Thank you for burning me
And making me
Fireproof

scent of a woman
sent from god
sends me forever
ascending awed

in you child of 9 i see my unconquered vices , demons, wars, battles and countless insecurities i carry with from a fiery adolescence into uncertain despised adulthood. i desire to forget my baggage at the terminal but somehow my baggage always find my door. this is not a life i wish upon you. if possible i would cast your pure and innocents in an unbreakable cast to last you a life time and then some.
once i wore your shoes. they fitted me perfectly and i loved them, but i could not stay in them for urgent was the call for me to mature beyond my age. the war trumpets blew and off i went to a war i could not comprehend,. never realizing possession of my soul was the prize.

i would trade my victories for your uncertain battles for my armor has seen the worst and the best of days, you still don't have one, but it not either of our decision to make all i can do is watch and pray and hope and pour my heart into faith that in the end you will be ohk

in avoiding the mirror i avoid a constant reminder that i am not even half the woman i once dream t of becoming. half completed and scorched remains is all that remains of once ambitious blue prints.
upon the question what caused the derailment no answer can be given.
how do you formulate a solution if the source cannot be identified? continues moments of these form ties that relate to a rope in representing a life and in these ties its always advisable to add a extra tie called faith and prayer for it keeps the sanity, it strengthens the resolve of the rope to remain whole and helps to carry the weight.
in this lies my hope

use to be only quiet moments
but now its boils to the surface of moments in general
the sheer intensity scares me
the longing grows with each tear i do not shed
yet shedding brings temporary relieve
i cannot desire constant relieve for it means forgetting
an action not possible
even if no memory exist it will remain known
like a rose covered by dirt
invisible but present and always gorgeous
i miss her strength
her kindness
her mother heart who always knew when her youngin was lost and could find a wanderer even if in the black of cold
i miss the woman who raised me
i called her mother once
a title she earned through dedication and love proving worthy of the honor

i.
no matter what your teachers
may tell you, your grades are not a
measure of how smart you are, that
has more to do with how you handle your
heart, and i have never seen anyone love
more fiercely or smart than you.  

ii.
i have let boys touch me just because
i was scared to lose them; don't let them
lay a hand on you without you asking
them to, you are worth more than that.

iii.
people will walk away, but you've known
that already.  keep your chin up so that when
they turn back one last time, they know that
you don't need them.
you don't need them.

iv.
i hope you find somebody that holds your
hands, even when you're nervous and
they start to sweat.  if they pull away,
you come find me and i swear,
i won't let go.

She reads
                                          And she sleeps
                                                      Way too much
                                                            ­           It's her coping defence
                                                                ­               When nothing else will suffice
                                                         ­               She needs to get away
                                                       Without actually leaving
                                             Because she's too scared
                                   And too tired
                                            To leave her bed
                                                      So she cracks open a book
                                                            ­     To escape somewhere far away
                                                            ­             And she'll sob for the characters
                                                      ­                       Whose brokenness resembles hers
                                                            ­                                   And then she'll sleep
                                                           ­                                   And have sweet dreams
                                                          ­              Of realities that are not her own
                                                       Because pretending is so much easier
                                                 Than facing reality
                             So she'll sleep and dream
          And secretly wish she won't wake up
So she can finally escape