Today is your birthday
and I can comfortably say
that I am glad the ties that once bound us
have broken and frayed

Apathy rushes over me
as memories of us come reeling back to me.
A pathetic series of attempts you see
to find something

anything

to go back to what we once were

you and me.

Today is your birthday
and I can comfortably say
things are better now
that I have pushed you away.

wallowing in sadness
highlights regret.

basking in glee
leads you to happiness.

To have a second chance
at life,
a redo, soft reset.

To change one thing to make
it good
a turn, three words.

A life not lived
yet constantly craved.

Parallel, yet,
better,
kinder,
happier.

A world where a touch
needs no liquid courage.

No kiss is a slip
of judgement.

A society that loves all.
Parents that support you.


What if?
every night.

What would I change?
if I had the right.

Where would we be?
if you won the fight.

wallowing in sadness,
hooked on the past.
what if? and who?
forever it lasts.

A chance to get better,
to recover,
to heal.

An opportunity overlooked.

I once was told:
"You're going to go far."
I worked hard,
to live up to those words

I once was told:
"You can't."
I worked hard,
to ignore those words.

I find myself here,
Far from home.
"Go far"
Failing.
"You can't"
Trying to to better.
"You're not good enough"
Trying to find myself.
"You're insecure"
To live my life.

I tell myself
"Just try"
I work hard,
But their words,
they bring me down.

He had danced with death before.
A tango taught,
to me.
Passed on.
I dance with death now.

I did not think I could
Love Again
After what happened to you I
Think Again
and again of what could
Have Been

But now that spark is
Here Again
with someone else, a brand
New Friend.
Miles away, and met by chance
a brand new chance to
Love Again

Faced with
a life threatening situation
a shattered friendship
a near death experience
a stab in the back
a final embrace

unable to shed
a drop of that essential substance
a saline solution sent from the
still-white eyes.

But when our eyes meet:
the floodgates open
my stomach churns
my heart aches
my soul cringes

A torrential downpour
contained within
an unstable host
Pounding for a way out.

A need to be wiped away
to be on a shoulder
to escape

Unwillingly, the ocean is
held back.
You make it swell so it hurts
and
You cause droplets' freedom
and you...
You need to come along,
and free the storm


________

Poison lingers on the tongue,
a bitter reminder of what we were,
what we had

A spark quickly dies,
our love is

no more

Meaningless to you
Priceless to me.

An inconsistant tug-of-war
consistently tugging on my
heart's open door.

A fight I cannot win,
another loss added
to my record.

I sit alone
weeping.

You see,
you stare.
Surrounded by new friends,
better friends.
People more like you than I,
people you like more than I.

I've confessed
my love.
You shrugged.
I've proclaimed
my love.
You left me cold.

I've lost the fight for
your friendship,
your love.

A glance at you
stirs something
inside

A warmth that
lingers.

A warmth that
longs to be more.

A warmth that
shall never be.

Green lights flicker
in the darkness
under the bed.

Concealed behind
reflective glass,
a wall of clothes,
broken dreams.

Dust covered fans
circulate chilling air
through the already
cold chamber.

A lava lamp.
Frozen in time.
No Movement.
No Heat.

Blue carpet,
from generations past.
Red Walls,
a current clash.


Four walls within a house.
A safe-haven.
A resting point.
A home within
A house.

Out in the cold,
layers upon layers protecting
the tender inside.

The dark night sky,
dappled with ancient blasts
of long lived light.

Hurling towards the earth-
A gigantic piece of rock.

I see you in the sky.
Only a flash, one short second.

The wait was worth it.
Braving the elements?
Worth it.

You?

You are worth it too

Pushed underwater,
the light starts to fade.
Fading is the hope
that glimmers in your eyes.
Fading is the bond
that held your friendship together.
Fading is the light.
Just out of reach.
Years, months, minutes.
Missed you by just a little.
A missed chance to be
with you.
Now time rushes by and
the sun fades, as the
memories of fun glimmer on the surface.

The fading light, just out of reach.
More weight, again and again.
Over and over. More weight.
Hope going faster.
Love causing disaster.
Fear creating pain.
nothing more to gain.

Hoping for that final breath of air.
Pushed under deeper. Weight.
more weight.
again.
again.

Relax.


*No need to surface.

Faced with:
a life threatening situation
a shattered friendship
a near death experience
a stab in the back
a final embrace

unable to shed
a drop of that essential substance
a saline solution sent from the
still-white eyes.

But when our eyes meet:
the floodgates open
my stomach churns
my heart aches
my soul cringes

A torrential downpour
contained within
an unstable host
Pounding for a way out.

A need to be wiped away
to be on a shoulder
to escape

Unwillingly, the ocean is
held back.
You make it swell so it hurts
and
You cause droplets' freedom
and you...
You need to come along,
and free the storm

Craving for those
words to be true.
Not sure what
to do without you.

The heavy haze
pours from your mouth,
quickly followed by
the words that you spout.

The words I deem true
at a very quick first glance.
The words I see false
after a short-lived romance.

And now we depart,
to go our separate ways.
As I walk, with my back turned,
I look back and you, and resist
the urge to race back
for your embrace.

The higher the hope
the harder the fall.
A lesson taught thrice
but learned once and for all.

No more long leaps,
no more poetic surprise.
From here on out its just me
and myself, looking up at the sky-
where I once was, with you
in my world. But of course
i fell, since you got bored.

A choice you shall regret
as I regrot mine.
A lesson you too shall learn-
all in due time.

You.
You gave me a second wind.
you took my breath away.
You stayed here with me everyday.
you left me alone to stay.

     They
     make the jokes and point and laugh,
     but little do they know.
     The rest of us have pride in us
     and let the harsh words go.

          I
          Truly wish the best for you,
          may your future be fun and bright.
          I hope a man shall find your company
          an everyday delight.

     My hope for you,
     may it blossom and grow
     for the days of old have passed.
     But let the passion simmer in your heart
     and may your life long-time last.

You.
You gave me a second wind.
you took my breath away.
You stayed here with me everyday.
you left me alone to stay.

A warm breath brings shivers to
her spine as the words flow from
his mouth.

Honest words, no ill intent.
Words that she didn't wish to hear,
but that didn't stop them from being said.

He never wanted to tell her this,
but she needed to know.

He was breaking her heart.

She couldn't believe it.


It was over.

attached for no reason.
worried with no thought.
will everything turn out okay?
will you stay safe through the
rocky road?
sleep soundly?
doubt it.
think of what it could be?
you know it.
maybe tomorrow things will be...
different?
i can already see the other side of you.
is it possible that you are opening up to
someone that you will more than likely forget in
a matter of months.
good luck.


and thank you.

Another day.
yet again, outshone by your presence.
Although, you are truly
not present. so far
Away.

Inevitably Ignored.
no matter how hard,
I try.
over, and over,
Inexorable.

Escape to
sleep.
Etched into my mind,
haunted. no way to
Escape.