Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world*

Up where they run, and fall clumsily down
Up where they stay and get burned in the sun
Are they really free, do you really wish to be
Part of our world?

Do you want to trade your life away?
To be like the cool kids?
Squish down your individualism
Give up what makes you you?
just to be Part of our world?

Lose yourself completely
think with the group, not by yourself
Give up your own unique style for fit and trendy clothes.
Give up your old friends, for all the popular crowds
Just to be Part of our world?

Don't be silly
don't be a fool
Don't give  up you!
You can still be part of our world

Just by being you!

Some day my prince will come
Some day we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know*

My prince he never showed
Left me standing here alone
Away to his castle we never went
My happy ever after I'll never know

Some day when spring is here
We'll find our love anew
And the birds will sing
And wedding bells will ring
Some day when my dreams come true

Some day when spring is here
From the ashes of heart break I'll be anew
And the dragons will roar their victory
And the bells of my healed heart will ring
Some day I'll Make my dreams come true

All On My Own.

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar, a gleam
Yet I know it's true
That visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream

I know you
As I stalked you in the night no it wasn't a dream
I know you
that gleam of fear in your eyes is so familiar
yet you should Know its true
Shadows in the night are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I always know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you do In my twisted Fantasy

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast.*

A tale told so long ago
Different names, same old tune
Of the Beauty and the Beast

The Beauty so grand high up on her pedestal
The bad boy Beast with a mean reputation
drawn together by some mystical force.

The Beauty so proper so poise
the Beast rough and tumble
Falling in and out of love

The Beast does something
the Beauty runs for the hills
The Beast goes to claim her back

Same old tune
its getting a little old
When will that Beauty learn?

Maybe that Beast is nothing more then a Beast
Never going to change his ways so why try?
Why does she always have Beauty but never brains?

I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss,
And a prince I'm hoping comes with this
That's what brings ever-aftering so happy
And that's the reason we need lips so much
For lips are the only things that touch
So to spend a life of endless bliss
Just find who you love through true love's kiss*

I've been dreaming Of a true love that's mine
Put He was not the prince I hoped would  come with this
He didn't bring me ever-aftering that was so happy
And our lips were the only things touching
Instead of life of endless bliss, I got a life of misery
So to find a love of hell, find it through "true love's kiss"

Don't be so quick to fall in love
Stand your ground and find someone worthy
If it takes forever then so be it
Don't be so hasty, it wont make you any less lonely

Find the man that treats you right
with all the little things he does
Not the man that's so quick to tell you
what you need to hear

Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight*

Star light, Star bright,
Why have you failed me tonight
I wished with all my might
Begging for this wish tonight.

My innocence has washed away
The childish wonder
has lost its luster
fading into the dark night sky

Reality has kicked in
Time to grow up
Can't be the next peter pan
Can't live among the stars any longer.

Children are believing no more
Faries, mermaids, and all the glamour.
Pirates, Treaure, Damsels in destress,
children are forgetting, turning their backs

Those wishing stars have shattered
Falling to Earth like meteors.
Their twinkle has fizzeled out
Their magic blowing away in space.

Bright blue eyes
that show her sorrow

Her smile fake
masking her pain

Have you ever been sick of yourself?
Lay awake at night
staring at the ceiling.
Going over who you are as a person.

Have you ever just hated your life
Lay awake at night
Too hot out to sleep.
Wondering how it became this way.

I'm so sick of me,
and who I've become.

I cant stand who I am,
And what I've let my life
Fall into.

I
Hate
Me

Wondering mind
Lustfilled thoughts
Sinful touch
Of an unworthy soul

Sleep is that thing
that eludes me
and taunts me
with its nightmares.

She hurts
and she cries
but you cant see the depression in her eyes
Because she just smiles

She smiles at you
With big blue eyes shining
tell you
everything's fine,
everything's great

She smiles
but all she wants to do is cry
She pretends to be happy
But everything is crumbling inside

Every breath is a struggle
Every day is a war
and lately it seems like
she isnt winning it anymore.

But she puts on her smile
She forces out a carefree laugh
her upbeat perkyness.

But behind that smile
is a girl in pain
Behind that laugh
is a scream of sadness
Behind that perky
is depths of sorrow.

But
She hides it well
behind perfect
*smiles

At work
where I am nothing
but in the way
I dont fit in
Outcast.

At home
A place where I'm
nothing but a buden.
Third wheel
outcast.

At work
toyed with, looked down at
treated like a child.

At home.
Never good enough
Always saying the wrong thing.
Trying to fit into my family
that grew up without me.
It's to late in the game
For me to even try.

Tears spill out,
drama Queen
Over and over again
I am reminded that
This isnt where I am suppose to be.

I just want a place
To call my own.

I want a place
Somewhere To belong.

Was your spotlight more important?
I felt like it was more loved
So much I felt guilty about my own

I didnt get to appreciate mine
Because I was more concerned about yours.
Why couldnt they have been happy
For two brightly shining lights?

I didnt get to feel happy
Because I was to busy crying
For fear of dimming yours

And when Mine shattered
And plunged me into darkness
You took yours and fled
Becoming the single once again.

You say you were afraid
That I would resent it and hate it
But that could NEVER Happen.

But Im starting to hate YOU
Im starting to resent YOU

resenting you for making me feel guilty for having my own.  
Hating you for fleeing when I lost mine

Shouldnt we have been happy
For two brightly shining stars?
Instead of everyone pitted against me
Where you could do no wrong?

You soaked up the spotlight
Truat me there was no room for anyone else
Even if they had tried.

I hid mine under the grime
Dulling it and making it seem unimportant

And Im sorry "sweet" girl
But I HATE you for it

Even in the face of hardships
I will stay strong and smile.

Laid off at work
Right before the holidays
Cant pay the bills
Let my brother down

Relaying on others
To pay my way
Waiting for unemployment
To honor me with a phone call

Electricity shut off
Freeze for the night
Got no money
Tears run down my face

I will give myself ten minutes
To wallow in self pity
To hate myself
And be blue

1...2...3..
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Ok enough is enough
I will drag myself up off the floor
Dry my tears square my shoulders
Keep my head held high

Keep my smile and sparkles in my eye
I wont let this beat me down

Because

In the face of hardships
I will stay strong
And
Smile

Shattering soul
Crumbling trust
Bleeding heart

This is what I've become.
This is what you've created.

A shell too Broken
Too survive

Scars on her anckle
scars on her legs
and on the back of her calf

These scars tell a story  

a story of a girl
so fragile
one wrong move
could shatter her
to pieces

long forgotten scars on her arms
a faded cross on her left beciep
her initials clear as day on her leg

These scars tell a story  

A story of a girl
Whose strong and brave
who keeps pushing on
no matter her pain

Scars so fresh
the blood still flows
down her leg

these scars tell a story

The story of me

Stupid people on the phones
Call me slander
call me your words

You think I care?
You think you hurt?
HAHAHAHA
Yeah RIGHT

You're rudness
and your hate
Just become the butts of jokes
Making my day

Stupid people on the phones
Talk down to me
Make fun of me

You think me stupid?
You think me Niave?
HAHAHAHA
yeah RIGHT

I know more then you think
I can hear you talking
I hear your murmers

Stupid People on the Phones
just remember
you cant see me

While you hate
and slander
and talk down to me

You dont see me
through this screen
you dont see what I do

Stick my tungue out
Stiffling my laughter
******* in the air

So to all you stupid people on the phones
Think twice about being rude
to a sales person
We can be twice as cruel.

My heels click
on the floor
Click click click  

I walk up to you
all *******
and At my mercy

Naked
Helpless
All Mine

I grab you gently
caressing
stroking

"This is mine
all mine
not yours"

"This is mine to play with
mine to do with
what I please"

"And maybe...Just maybe
if you're good
I'll let you have some fun"

I kiss you lightly
on the lips
and walk away

Click
Click
*Click

Take center stage
in this play called life.
where the script is
lost to you

The main act
is your self destruction.
For all the world to see

Your dagger held close
scars spanning every inch of skin.

Should I end it? Should I stay?
The ****** of this life's play

Bring it down to your wrist
the pulse rising as your delima grows

the world holds its breath
everything slows down

The turning point

throw down the dagger
it clanks to the wooden floor
Stand on this stage
look life in the eye

*I quit it with the suicidal recital

Brothers and sister i love you guys.
And i love you more then this life i live.
You are why
i hold my head up high.
I need to be a roll model.
For you youngsters.

Summer i love you so much.
We need to stick together
against Ur twin brother Jeremy.
When i visit in Maine i love to hang out with you.
Just the two of us girls.
Given each other make overs.
And Getting mom mad by doing so.

Jeremy i love you so much.
You are always fun to hang out with.
You make up great games
to play when we are stuck outside.
I love how you know what to
do when we are in a jam.
And how you always make me laugh.

Zakary i love you so much.
I pretty much tell you that every single day.
But i cant say it enough.
You share my love for wrestling.
We can sit for hours talking about it.
And we get Kellie [your mom my step mom]
mad in the process.

I don't know what i would do
without all of you.
I would not trade any of you for anything.
I love Summer Jeremy and Zakary.

Crazy Beautiful
Misunderstood
Brilliant as can be

shy
bold
unquie

Wise beyond her years
Eyes that don't miss much.
A heart that loves so deeply

She is a girl
who only comes
once in a blue moon

I am proud to call her
my little sister
She means everything to me.

She is more important then she realizes
She is my strength my rock
Without her I'd crumble.

And I hope one day
she will let me in
And let me be her rock

Because there is nothing in this world
I wouldn't do for her.
that's what big sisters are for.

Summer Skye I love you sis
Always know that
No matter what
I'm here for you <3

I throw down my neutrality
I am finally picking a side
Mother,
Stepfather
GO **** YOURSELVES
I'm on My sister's side

Take me
to that old road
Evergreen Avenue

Take me
to that little beige house
sitting three houses
from the bottom

take me
To that old room
Where the water bed once stood
and the door is busted
and wont unlock unless you use a knife

Take me to that old basement
Where a futon and a big screen Tv still reside
Where chalk covered walls
hold all the memories
of a girl once so happy

Take me
Take me home

I talk to much
Yes  I know it true.
I talk
and talk
and talk
and talk
and talk

but just becasue I always talk
doesnt mean I know what to say.
doesnt mean I say the right things.

I am a talker
who stumbles and trips over
what I am going to say next
always afraid I will mess up.

Giving advise scares me shitless
What if I give bad advise?
What if I make things worse?

Telling people how I feel
Terrified to speak my mind
What if I hurt them?
what if I make things worse?

What if I make things worse?

my biggest fear
my worst nightmare.

I am a talker
who stumbles and trips
but I keep talking
because maybe one day
I'll say the right thing.

I am a tap dancer
Its in my blood
and its hooked on my soul

The sharp snap of my tap
Vibrates through my body
The movment taking my body away

Its just me and the dance
Close my eyes I let my feet move
Tapping tapping tapping away

I am a tap dancer
its in my blood
and its forever hooked on my soul

The Razer,
It calls to me,
It tells me its my friend.
I want to believe it

Why must you tear me down
Who cares if I am not perfect
Perfect is boring

why must you tear me down
throwin insults at me
when I'm trying to be strong

Why must you tear me down
Nit picking my appearance
when I finally feel beautiful

Why must you tear me down
I thought we were friends
or at least on good terms


Why must you tear me down
What did I do to deserve this?

have a nice day sir/ma'am

Translates tooo.......

******* you douchbag!
How dare you treat me like
I'm a total idiot
How dare you call me
all those names
I'm Not as stupid as you think
*******
*******
*******
Yeah buddy well
I dont want to be talking to you
Anymore then you want to be talking to me


I hope you have a great day!

Translates too.........

I sincerely really truly mean it when I say have a nice day!
Thank you so much
FOr not being a ******* *****!!

Dramatic
Childish
Too Talkitive

I Hear it every day of my life

Annoying*
Weird
A freak

I've heard it to many times to count

*****
*****
A disgrace

Please is that all you've got?

All theses names
and all these meanings
goes in one ear
and out the other

Tell me something I don't know
Please I beg of you
Call me something New

If you want to hurt me
if you want to break my armor
call me something I havent heard before

That's right you cant

I've been called every name in the book
the nice ones
the means ones
the ones meant to make me cry

You want to know the one word
the one word that will break me
the one word
that will shake me to my core?

Its
Quite
simple
really

Just
call
    me.....


..... *Your friend

Hey baby Where were you today? I needed you so much but you werent there {Deleted, to afraid to send}

So we havent talked all day. Why? {Deleted, to afraid to send}

Again we havent talked all day, And whats scary is, I'm starting to be ok with that {Deleted, afraid to send}

Why don't we skype anymore? I have my Ipod now. We could skype everynight! {Deleted, afraid to send}

Baby please tell me this feeling is all in my head, But I fear we are growing apart {Deleted, terrified to send}

Baby, whats happening to us? *{Deleted, afraid to send}

I miss you, I miss the friend I once had in you. {Deleted, never sent}

I heard our song today, the one I Danced my solo to. {Deleted, never sent}

I was looking at my mothers pictures and came across our prom picture. {Deleted, never sent}

I was looking through my sisters room and found your old old navy shirt, it still smells like you. {Deleted , never sent}

I really miss going to your family christmas parties, I felt so accepted there. {Deleted, never sent}

Did you know I still hold on to the necklace you gave me? {Deleted never sent}

Did you know I still sleep with the tiger you gave me every once in a while? {Deleted, never sent}

Hey it's me again, Thanks for giving me your black sweatshirt its so cold here in the winter and your sweatshirt is so warm. {Deleted, never sent}

Do you ever think about me? Think about the friends we use to be? {deleted, never sent}

Will we ever be friends again? *{Deleted, never sent}

This is to all those poeple
leaving sweet comments
on the work I've written on here

I've always been insecure
about my written
afraid that my truth
and my emotions
would be laughed at
and ridiculed

BUT all you people
You've been so sweet
you've been so kind
You helped this timid girl
SHINE

Now I'm no longer in fear
Now I'm not afraid to stand tall

I will let my words flow
I will let myself be heard

And it wouldn't be possible
If it werent for all of you

so I tip my hat off to you and say

**Thank you

My heart had turned to stone
I had become the bitter broken girl
Wasnt looking for anything new
Still trying to pick up pieces of a shattered heart


I thought I would never be loved again
I thought that was the end for me
my life started going down hill
I was just done with everything


I wanted to give it all up.
I was losing people left and right
I was so done
I was so tired.


I was going to end it all
Give it up
who would miss me?
No one.


Then he comes crashing in
and cracks fracture like spider webs
Feelings I thought I lost
start waking up and peakign around


He saved me
my blue haired knight
Without even realizing it
I was stuck.


He now has my heart
recently healed from deep cutting wounds.
Please dont break it
It cant handle anymore


I'm trusting you
like I rarely trust anyone
my heart is in your hands
*Please dont break me

Do you rememebr?
That last night we shared?
Under the stars
As we slow danced.

Our song softly playing
from my cell phone speakers
how do you know when its love

You held me close
your forehead touching mine
Arms around my waist
arms around your neck

Did you know?
That that is the memory
I keep with me
everywhere I go

Did you know?
that that is the memory
that helps me get through

I hate you!
You've shattered my heart
and broken my trust.

All this anger
boiling through my veins
turning the pieces of my heart
to cold hard stone.

I hate you!
You've turned my anxiety
into paranoid Suspicion.  

You cheated on me.
Why did you cheat on me?
Why did you do this to me?

All these thought running through my head,
Did I do something wrong?
What did I do to deserve this?
Am I not good enough?

You're my Husband,
my Best Friend.
You say you love me,
but how can I believe you,
when you toss our love aside?

You sexually flirt online
with random strange women.
Yet I am over here
screaming for your attention.

I'm practically throwing myself
into your arms.
Begging and pleading
for just one small touch,
and you Toss me to the side.

As the tears fall
and my throat raw
from holding in the screams.
My Soul burns and stings
from the pain of your betrayal.

I Hate You!
For hurting me,
I Hate You!
Why did you do this to me?
I Hate You!
Why am I not good enough?

Sometimes Letting go
Hurts less then the burns
you get from Holding on.


But what if the burns
never heal?
What if the pain
Never fades?


Then wouldnt the letting go
Hurt more in the long run?
Why risk that pain
when False hope is so Comforting


False hope
tells you everything you want to hear
False hope
Gives you everything your heart desires


But when it shatters.
The letting go.
It hurts like hell
it hurts more then the false hope
of holding on

Her feelings are burried deep down
like the pharohs of old.

She pushes on and carries on
Protecting her family
by bringing them endless laughter.

But

Her Humor is drying out
like a puddle in a drought.

The court jester is stumbling
struggling to hold on
She is reaching out for help

The court jester is crumbling
right infront of everyones eyes.
But she does it in secret

with a slice of her wrist here
and a swipe at her legs there.

She puts on her plastic smile
and brings laughter to everyone around her.

SNICK*

The blade snaps open,
the serrated jagged metal
and blinding yellow plastic handle
My salvation, my knight in yellow armor.

Metal cold and unforgiving
meeting the innocent flesh
just below my knee,
the back of my calf.

Slow painful cuts
cutting to  the beats
of my breaking heart

Blood  a pulsing living thing
weeping out of the cuts
running down my leg
Crying the pain I feel inside

Remembering their joyous laughter
turns slow to furious slashing
as tears streak down my face
cutting deeper and deeper
with every touch of the blade

The tears freeze as the pain becomes blinding
Close the blade, tuck it away,
My leg a maze of angry weeping
showing the feelings I feel inside
showing the feelings I'm to afraid to admit out loud.

Take a piece of toliet paper and clean up the mess
Exit the bathroom stall, stand infront of the mirror
Put on my eyeliner, gloss up my lips.
Plaster on a bright smile.
Exit the bathroom all together

Walk to my cubicle, sit at my desk.
Log on to my work station
with that smile still on my face.

decending into madness
Its radaiting through my body
Capturing my heart and soul
what was once pure light
is now pure darkness.

My eyes
a once vivd blue
now tinted
a cold black

I feel it spreading
coating me in a heavy web
I feel it calling to me
Wanting me for itself

it calls to me
Like a man to his lover
Begging me
whispering tantalizing promises
making my body crave and want it

The darkness within me
It calls to me
It wants me

And I want it .

As night descends upon my world
I lay awake huddled in my bed
And my demons awake and start to play

Their poisons seeping through my veins
Their icy grip clawing through my mind

My eyes their telescope to the outside world
Weaving their dark magic and changing it to their own delusional perception

My ears their static filled radio
Catching only the darkest of
words

Their cruel voices whisper in my mind
Telling me the truths i knew in my heart all along

Their inky web holding me tight
As i cry into the starless night
Holding me promising me to never let me go.

But as the morning rays appear they scatter back into the depths
But not before they kiss me goodbye
With plans for the next sleepless time.

He told her to let him go
That he cant love her anymore
that it hurt to much
The chains around his wrists.

So the Angels ward let him go,
Took off the binding chains
Told him he could fly
To spread his tattered wings.

But to her he came back,
Telling her
I dont know what I want anymore

She knelt down at looked at him,
Her once fallen angel
Once the person who made her feel safe.

Do you want to be my Fallen angel again?
Because you know I will choose you
I will choose you every time

He looks at her,
His eyes lost and full of pain
I dont know what I want anymore

She puts her arms around him
The Fallen angels ward held him close
tighly in her arms.

I will always be here for you
No Matter what you choose
I'm not going anywhere
*its in your hands now

What is the point of this
hollow bleak existence?
Wandering around like a lifeless zombie
shuffling from one place to another.

Is there logic in our pain?
the blinding soul destroying pain
it demands to be felt doesn't it?
but why by us?

Is there a reason for our survival?
when we are all died no one will remember us?
We are like the dinosaurs wandering this earth
waiting for our meteor to strike us dead,
to crush us into oblivion.

Wait until the person is sleeping
sneak out the room
shhhhh
make sure you dont wake them up
Slip out of the house.
Its genious
Its perfect
The perfect ******* plan!!!

UNLESS

The person you are trying to ditch
Wakes up in the middle of the night
Screaming awake from a horrible nightmare.
They turn to apologize for waking you
Only to fine you are nowhere to be seen.

TO BAD
YOU DIDNT STICK AROUND

You missed the best part.
You missed the look of terror on their face
Slowly turn to hurt and betrayal
as the realization of what you did
Snapped into place.

You missed them curl up in a ball
huddling under their blanket
and cry themself to sleep.
All alone in a dark house.

The Fine art of ditching always has a price,
But its rarely ever seen.
Why is that?
Because the Ditcher never sticks around to see.

What ever happened
to the Idea of Freedom of Religion?
What ever happened to religious equality?
I want it back? I'm begging for it to come back.

I sometimes get strange looks
when I admit that I accept all religions EQUALLY
that I would let a Jehovah witness into my home
just so I could learn about their faith.
That I find Catholic sermons tearfully beautiful
That One of my pen pals is Mormon.

People find me strange, they find me fake.
"How can you love them all equally?"
"how can you accept them all?"
It's quite simple really. This is my answer.

What right do I have to Bash what others think?
What right do I have to say
"No your god doesn't exist"?
I wouldn't want people to do that to me and my faith
so Why should I go out and do it to theirs?
There's this thing call FREEDOM of RELIGION
and I stand firm and believe it whole heartily

We all have the right to believe in what we believe in
And no one i mean
NO ONE
has the right to take that away!

Damaged beyond repair
a body without a soul
Scar riddled body
A heart turned to stone

A past to Horrid
for sanity to hold
A future so bleak
no hope can grow

No matter the terror
no matter the pain
He goes on
Pushing through the darkness

Loyalty is his Motto
No matter the cost
He is there
like a silent shadow

The Hawk,
Closed off,
distant,
shrouded in darkness
A past worthy of
its own horror movie.

The Kitty,
Timid,
Defiant,
Stubborn till the end
A past filled with
Pain, loss, and sorrow.

The Hawk always protecting
the small little kitty
Trying to keep her pure.

The small little kitty always trying
to bring the hawk into the light
To show him his worth

They nip and play
always fighting
the sibling war.

No matter how mad they get at one another
They have eachothers backs.
Ready to defend and protect,
trust the other to do the same

The Hawk and the Kitty
Both so strong, both so Proud,
arent afraid to let the other see,
their vonerable side.
They arent afraid to let
their weakness show.

The Hawk
and
the kitty
Brother and sister
In every way
that counts.

You're crazy matches mine
You're clingy blends percfectly

You are the Joker to my harley
Our love chaotic and fast pace


You're stuck with me
like Perma glue

Wild crazy passionate
We're silly and nerdy


You make me feel safe
and scared all at the same time.


I've told you once
But I will tell you again


I'm yours for
as long as you want me.


My Amazing Joker man