Sometimes when I look into my mom’s eyes, it feels like I don’t know her, it feels like evil has taken over.

Beaten, ******, and scared.
I’m tired, you think you can beat me.
You think it’s ok to smash my head into the wall until I’m ******.
I’m scared of you; I’m scared when I wake up.
I’m scared something I will say or do won’t be good enough for you.

Each morning I put on the mask:
                                                          ­ of perfection
beauty
                                      kindness
­                                                                 ­                                humor

Everything I wish I was
With another crowd I take it off,
And put another on;
                                                             ­    of braveness
sarcasm
                                 stealth
                                                         ­                                       ambition

In a way the masks protect me from harm,
I just fit in
Am like everyone else
Invisible
My identity lost

WHO AM I REALLY?
For I no longer know
I never take the mask off for long
Scared of whats underneath,
Scared to be me

I used to smoke
Used to give it the power to destroy me
You told me to quit
So I gave it up for you
When you left
I went back
When I realized
Smoking wasn't a bad habit
You were

I left him today
I couldn't stay
Cause every time I looked into his eyes
I saw you inside
Thanks to you
I am afraid to love again

And that's what I did
I wrote and wrote
And wrote about you
Only you...
Cause writing helps me recover
And you are still the wound
that I need to heal
Before you become a permanent scar