The word friend is overused
In my experience, it’s the second most overused word
Right alongside the most: love
It seems we associate the word “friend” to just about everyone
In reality, however, a friend is one who cares
Who knows
Who understands
And who does their best to save another from the hell that is life
Therefore, friends should not cause another to feel abandoned
Alone in the darkest of nights
To fend for themselves when their life is so off balance that they can’t even stand
A friend, therefore, should not embarrass another
Should not gang up and call out another
Funny how people are so different in different settings
Its like being friends with three separate people
When one is true and the other two eat you up like a minnow
We have become a world of “friends”
Which, now, is almost in equivalent to the word “bully”
And they wonder why I don’t want to be their friend
They only care when I look like I'm falling down the deep end
And they'll only stop to question their “friendliness”
Until perhaps, not even after I'm dead.

Addicting it is
When the thoughts come in
Arriving each with a new, different hope
How appealing it is
To forget the void of emotion that became reality
And forget to remind my head not to get so carried away
For, it gets easier with every false hope
Not to jump so quickly after an untouchable illusion
Only to watch my hands drift through the air before me
Only to fall, and fall
Until fall I can no longer—
Until rock bottom is all that remains
I just want someone whom I can feel physically as well as emotionally
I want to truly live and breathe
Instead of polluting everything I see
With this cloud of darkness resting in me
I just want someone I can talk to
Tell stories with
Someone who I can fall for instead of just fall
I want…
But something inside is always there
Telling me I'll never be good enough,
Showing me the love in the world around me,
Mocking me,
Reminding me that nothing except the path I tread was made for me
Reminding me that I was made to be lonely.

I'm standing on the edge
With my head reminding myself how I got here—
That I've come too far to turn back
And my heart reminding myself how I got here—
That I can't give up now
My feet tremble indecisively
So my knees bend to hold my center of balance.
My hands evelope my neck
While my arms pull back just enough to prevent asphyxiation.
For, im trapped in this form of indecision,
So I put my indecisions to better use
And stand on a chair
With my indecisive feet
Trying to make sense of my existance and then inexistance
In between that manner of split seconds.
My indecisive knees deciding whether or not to let my feet push.
My indecisive arms making sense about to or not to spare my life
Another second or two
Afterwhich my feet no longer planted remain
For gravity only acts upon my neck
While my hands choke the neck that burns against mine
Hoping that perhaps the rope will give up before I do
Immediately I regret the decision
Or maybe I'm just preserving this suffering as long as possible
Since that which once felt can never again be thereafter
For, nothing there is after the soul removes itself except a corpse
For, the decision has been made.
There is no turning back.
There is only a push, struggle, and death.
Nothing more than that which was imagined beforehand—
Nothing less.

It began with a word,
But you kept writing.
You wrote for all those who needed even just a single word,
To raise them—
To remind them that just maybe they weren't alone,
And yet, you gave more.
You provided hope.
It began with a light—
That maybe life was worth living since you had everything you could ever wish for,
But it was only a dream, wasn't it?
Some things you cannot simply recover from.
Some things need time,
And you needed time.
No one stopped for a second to think that maybe you needed a light too—
That you needed someone to help you up out of your abyss,
Because the abyss on you feeds,
Until eventually, you become no more than that which feeds.
It ended with the news.
A hope that once outshone stars,
Faded, and was lost.
It ended with a simple word of one running tongue—
That Chester Bennington simply was no longer there.
It’s a scary feeling—
To know in your soul that you shouldn't be here,
And it ended with a mindset of a village shouting into you that maybe you needn't be here,
Or so they say.
However, the ones who know the truth speak your words that you gave through your lyrics.
How can someone move on when such a magnificent light suddenly flickered out?
How can we move on?
The truth is we can't,
And they laugh at us for becoming more inspired through every song.
They say, “who cares if one more light goes out in a sky of a million stars?”
“Who cares if someone's time runs out if a moment is all we are?”
And as many will contemplate the answer to these questions,
There is and will be no hesitation in mine,
Because no matter how true it is how insignificant each of us are,
No matter how many people ask that stupid, simple question, "who cares?,"
I will, Chester—
I always will.

I breathe the beauty of a sunset,
Watching the colors turn to grey.
When promises only seem to be broken,
A colorful sky drives me away.
I hid my heart inside my piano,
So that nobody else could throw me away.
I've lose sight of what I longed for;
I’ve lost sight of a brighter day.
But love was meant for you,
And I can’t help but feel used.
I'm feeling so betrayed;
I'm standing in the rain.
But for, love was meant for you--
It's funny how love can be so hurtful;
All around it's on display.
I wish that love could be more simple;
I wish you understood my pain.
But love was meant for you,
And I feel like a fool.
And I'm feeling so afraid,
For alone my life awaits,
When love was meant for you--
I close both eyes before shutting the window;
I close my eyes and fade away.
I can wander no longer in limbo,
So I'll close my eyes and fade away.

You are my angel,
My hope.
For, you pulled a sword from my soul,
And used it to rid me of danger.
You walked with me,
Held me high.
Helped disperse the pain,
The sadness,
The tempting thoughts in my mind.
But you were not done with me yet.
It became clear to me there was no danger.
That you rid me of “danger” so that you could leave me with nobody—
With nothing.
You weren't walking with me.
You were dragging me along.
Waiting for the opportune moment to find a better man,
Take away my life, my hope,
My angel.
And you were my angel.
For, you pulled a sword from my soul.
But all you did was insert it back where you found it,
Left no trace as if you never existed,
And expect me to be whole.
While in reality, you left me nothing but empty, confused,
Alone.

I'm trapped in a song.
Our song.
Don’t you remember?
Or am I the only one who reminisces?
I've lost myself in you,
But when I look in your eyes,
I find myself again.
It’s a cycle of time that only continues to bend,
That throws my heart against the wall;
The beating shades of red.
I can’t help but realize you faked being lost in me.
You, instead, were just lost.
I fell for it though,
And you used it against me.
Cheated me into compassion,
As well as just cheated on me.
But you knew my roots,
For they dug deep.
You didn't give me time to detach.
You simply packed your heart up,
And stabbed me in the back.
You see, Anna, I'm lost in you because you stole a part of me,
And I wonder if I'll ever be able to get untangled
From your perfection, curves, angles.
I wonder if I'll ever be free.