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fadingstar Jun 2014
I think “I love you” and “I’m in love with you” are completely different things. “I love you” is a thing people use to sell greeting cards, or cliché movies, it propels you into this world of relationships.


but “I’m in love with you” is sitting on the couch with my legs in your lap, my cold fingers intertwined with your warm ones. you and I watching my favorite tv show even though you loath it. “I’m in love with you” is staying up until 4am talking about nothing special, its waking up in the afternoon and making breakfast together, sitting on our balcony and drinking coffee, and rereading our favorite books. “I’m in love with you” is me rubbing your shoulders when you come home because you had a ******* day. you wiping my tears and whispering encouraging words in my ear after we fight. “I’m in love with you” is you going along with my stupid Christmas traditions even when you think they are silly. me laughing at your stupid corny jokes, because you know how much I love them. “I’m in love with you” is us attending your families weekly dinners, even though you loath to go because you think your family is weird but you love them anyway. its you thinking its cute when I blush, even though I loath that you have that affect on me. “I’m in love with you.”
fadingstar May 2014
on holidays is when everyone pretends to be happy. not me.

New Years I would sneak my way out of people screaming "happy new year" and "I love you's" and kissing and drinking champagne, just to keep myself from having a panic attack. because you weren't there to start a new year with me.

halloween, I guess was my favorite. I would always get to be someone who wasn't me for a night, and I would hope that you would be behind one of those masks. I suppose that's not a good thing. I haven't grown out of it.

thanksgiving I would hide in the bathroom and hope everyone would forget about me until they were done saying what they were thankful for. because I was still thankful for you.

Christmas, where we would all be selfish ******* and open gifts that we didn't even need. and go to church and act like a family. when all I wanted was you. and your still not here.
fadingstar May 2014
my entire head feels like a dark alley way, with the cold winter breeze blowing the dead leaves around. my ribs are like a hollow tree trunk. my lungs are rotting wind chimes that no longer make that beautiful sound on a chilly fall morning. it feels almost sinful to smile. I constantly feel like I'm walking around a grave yard with no other living breathing human around, but that feels a lot more like home than any other ****** place in this twisted place we call "home."
fadingstar Jun 2014
"you always hurt the ones you love."
as if saying that sentence makes it better.
it makes it ok to hurt the ones you love, because you know they love you also and they would forgive you.

it makes it ok to yell in the face of the one you love, to make them cower in fear. it makes it ok to push the one you love into the coffee table, it makes it ok to give the one you love a red hand print on there cheek.

it makes it ok to come back hours later and hug them and ask them if they are ok, and to never speak of what happened again and not even say sorry just like it never happened, because you "love" them.

— The End —