This new sword
so awkward in my grip
I start to fumble and blister
Fear rises
My brows tightened
My teeth draw blood from my own lips
Until I remember
the same old shield
still at my side
Covers me always

I’ve been waiting
waiting for words to appear
in front of my eyes
like that invisible milk ink
trope
secret messages appearing over fire
for our victorious protagonist to read
But no words come
to describe how I imagine myself kissing
You
I’ve never felt so empty of emotional vocabulary
I don’t know if I’m just lonely
Just if
I’ve always been lonely
I don’t know if I’m finally
too old for such affected flights
of fancies
with strangers
my mind has picked up ostrich feathers as if they were diamond chandeliers
Too quick to hang them in the Hall and worship silly feathers
I swore I shouldn’t fall in love again
To love again
would destroy my weakened mind and body
I breathe in shaky breaths and hear you speaking rationally
between friends
I’m just a lonely lover
Too tired to be anything more
than one bright star
in the short hours before you see your dawn

At 10pm
my heart begins to beat
like the wings of a bird
in a cage
without peace
The unresolved energy
of unheeded emotions
runs through my veins
And I rifle through apps
faster and faster
as the little bird *****
Until I stop
and let all the sticking moments
be seen and recognized
taken out into the light
and purified
The golden key
winks at me
laughing at my old forgetfulness
as I set my beating bird free

If you think I’m on fire
don’t worry
The good will stay
Only the bad is burned away