Elioinai

Elioinai Jul 2020

I want to know
where your mind falls
when it’s heavy
I want too see what ledges your heart
meets in anxiety
I want to know what draws your idle fingers
and see the devils that play your organs
when you haven’t slept all night
I want to be there
to watch you struggle
until you willingly wade
into my deep acceptance
For Love is a window of ever clear glass
the more pure the love, the more honest the view.

Elioinai Jun 2020

All Things Rap

If there was ever a man I worshiped
it would be Jon (Jon, Jon)
But it doesn’t make me special
to see his kingdom
His dream
His potential
I’m one in a million
Hell, it’s more than millions
But I can rise above a fan base
Because my face
and my talents
can put me high up
in this race
I’ll meet my idols someday
“It’s what they all say”
Is naysay
And I’m not afraid to waylay
and mug all my fears in an alleyway
My kingdom
My dreams
My potential
aren’t what anyone’s expecting
see, so far they think they’ve been letting
letting me be here
But “they” be forgetting
that as a child of God
EVERYTHING
is mine
And I’m not gonna hold myself back from asking
for EVERYTHING

Elioinai May 2020

Bearmoor

You Stone
You Rock
You Tower of Brick and Mortar
I’ve let you harden somewhere inside me when I thought I was trying to dig up the ground of my heart
Now I walk a circle around you
deepening a footpath in the dirt
alternating admiration with ashamed awkwardness
I don’t know what to do with you
You and your beautifying castle
If only you had wheels
or I had heavier heels.

Elioinai May 2020

what is my honesty?

I’ve held a lot people closely in my heart
But You
Dear
When Your eyes bent down
with honeyed gazes
upon my face and mouth
I knew a kind love for the first time
None have come with such grace for me again
Sometimes I ponder if I am simply not letting them in
But I know how hard I try
I’m tired
I sigh
if exhaustion leads me back to love
I’ll take that level road
I’m sick of seeking a high
but always being left dry

Maybe I’m letting the patterns of disappointment torpedo my attempts to find love

Elioinai May 2020

Imperfect

I run ashy fingers down a wall
deceptively white
I’ve come to accept the messiness of reality
but that doesn’t mean that black
is what I want to see
In fact
Black is closing in on me
And I’m tired
almost too tired to fight
ready to just live one day at a time
stop trying to right this life

Elioinai May 2020

For the sake of myself, I forsake all others

Is a dream, a real dream
A good dream
if it doesn’t make you shiver
if it doesn’t make you shake
if it doesn’t make
you sure you’ll make mistake after mistake?
Is it ever really worth it?
If it doesn’t make you quake
infuse your mind with plans and worry
and at night keep you awake?
What’s the point of living
What’s the point of having smarts?
If it doesn’t make you work
with all your strength and arts
using everything from all your parts
until your straining chest feels like
you’ve been on the wrong side
in a game of deadly darts?

If all your courage it doesn’t take
In the end will you feel a fake?
Maybe you won’t
But I refuse in life to undertake
what I know could just be handed to me
on a plate
If I just wait

Elioinai May 2020

when not a fleck of mica can be found

Have you ever longed for simple foolishness?
for a happiness in little things
looked for fleeting pleasures
that sweep away like sand
without worrying about how it ends?

one confident step onto a trampoline
just one jump into the sky
you know you won’t go far
just get a little high

but having never blindly wandered
never giddily ran
my feet feel stuck in 12 inch mud

I’ve always been hedged in by poisons
when I wasn’t walled in by fears

Today I find nothing but solid gold to reach for
as tired as I am of that old, cold stone
only lasting, strenuous mining appears
to bend to my fingers
I’m left bored and annoyed
in this prosperous land