Esmé van Aerden: Favorites

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Regret

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Toro

Regret

It's been so long since I got to hear your voice,
Not a day goes by where I don't regret my choice.
The things we used to do for fun and joy,
But I let my ego loose to destroy.
I regret the decisions I've done or made,
My heart hangs heavy wishing you'd of stayed.
You would always be there by my side,
No matter how difficult the stride.
Helping me, lifting me to greater heights,
Guiding me, urging me to keep up the fights.
I threw it all away; my ego got in the way,
Nothing I can say will take me back to that day.
I can't change the past, but I have learned,
I don't know if I can repair the bridge I've burned.
There's an emptiness that I can't deny,
To myself I can no longer lie.
You were there for me when I needed you most,
And I for you, but now I'm only a ghost.
A memory of what I used to be in the past,
To repair what once was, a task too vast.
We may never be the same, it's too much to ask,
Allow me to hate myself and drink from this flask.
I for lack of a better word, failed you,
Doubt fills my mind; this is true.
It's been so long, and not a day goes by,
When you don't come to mind, as I ask myself why?
The cracks remain in what once was,
Wishing I could go back in time and press pause.
On that one moment, when we were happy and alive,
Cause now I'm left struggling to breathe and survive...

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

We can

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Olga Valerevna

We can

i wish that i could tell you everything you need to hear, a sound coherent message that would travel through your ears

i know that if I listen you will tell me what to say, and so i close my eyes, begin to speak without delay

the fear will neither stop me nor put needles in my mouth, and time is only present so I can't not let it out

i might be repetitious but that serves a purpose too, in marking like an accent all the necessary truths

so carry any lessons that belong inside your hands, and meet me at the corner where the ground is made of sand

for here you'll find the water that is buried but contained, and should you pass the cup to me I'll take in what remains

continue on ahead of me and I will watch your back, make note of any voices that can put you off your track

remember what you told me and then fight to not forget, the road may be unyielding but your walk's not finished yet

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Anaïs Nin on writing

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Anais Nin

Anaïs Nin on writing

"Why one writes is a question I can never answer easily, having so often asked it of myself. I believe one writes because one has to create a world in which one can live. I could not live in any of the worlds offered to me – the world of my parents, the world of war, the world of politics. I had to create a world of my own, like a climate, a country, an atmosphere in which I could breathe, reign, and recreate myself when destroyed by living. That, I believe, is the reason for every work of art.
...
"We also write to heighten our own awareness of life. We write to lure and enchant and console others. We write to serenade our lovers. We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection. We write, like Proust, to render all of it eternal, and to persuade ourselves that it is eternal. We write to be able to transcend our life, to reach beyond it. We write to teach ourselves to speak with others, to record the journey into the labyrinth. We write to expand our world when we feel strangled, or constricted, or lonely … When I don’t write, feel my world shrinking. I feel I am in prison. I feel I lose my fire and my color. It should be a necessity, as the sea needs to heave, and I call it breathing."
('The New Woman', 1974)

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Lonely Ease // Shared Distress.

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Jeremy Duff

Lonely Ease // Shared Distress.

I have a few unhealthy habits that my therapist wants me to shake.
Chewing my nails is a nervous habit, he says.
Smoking cigarettes is only a crutch, he says.
Gorging/starving is a personality flaw, he says.
Drinking alone will cause problems, he says.
Falling for those who are leaving, have left, or are simply out of reach is a death wish, he says.
Hating yourself simply won't do, he says.

Tonight,
a hot summer night,
spent cigaretteless,
loveless,
and sleepless,
teach me more about myself
than Doctor Eric Schlanger, L.C.S.W.
ever could.

I know not about the feelings I have,
and the urges I get.
I know not when they'll come,
how long they will last,
and what my actions shall be.

I'm a mess.
This is the only way to describe it.
I'd rather breakdown in your arms,
than be at ease alone.

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Natural Birth

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Artistry

Natural Birth

I died a little that day.
The darkest pain
No words can say.

The stabbing and tearing.
Ripping and bearing.

Some call it beauty, but surely they forget.
I remember and there's nothing pretty about it.
The only thing pretty was you.

I resented the trauma you put me though.
I denied the drugs for the sake of you.
I denied them because I thought I was stronger than pain.
God help me I agreed to do this again.

#pain #babies #birth

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Mean and Pretty

Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden

Kevin T Wilson

Mean and Pretty

We try to grab life with numb fingers and a limp wrist.
We explain with a stiff upper lip.
Even with closed eyes I have discovered that you ,them ,life can not give any real satisfaction!
It's not worth my affection.

Children of chance ,fixations of flesh ,misery ,and it's company.
Why do you question things you should not know?
That which is best for you is beyond your reach!
What is best?
Not to be born!
Not to be!
To be nothing!
The second best is to die real soon!
Life is a horrible mixture of cruelty and sensuality.
That's the real witches brew.
Believe what you want but this is true...

Inspiration from Frederick Niche