I want delicate words that expertly unravel around your sculpted body,
cascading down your pale skin while sinking in to erase the ugly sentences life has cast upon you.

I want the things I write to stain you with my presence, a sign to the world that I have covered you already so there is no more of you to see.
So the devious individuals who grow eager to wedge themselves under your skin, know that there is no way I would let them in, because you are mine and will always belong to me.

These would be rich words full of anomalies that leave a lingering taste upon your lips when you whisper them softly. They would hold the potential to wrap themselves around you in a suffocating vice, or let you down easily in a beautiful symphony of literacy. They would be harsh when they need to be, but sweet in majority.

I want these words to stay in your memory, to hold you and comfort you, protect you and sometimes mother you. So when my touch is absent and my presence gone, you will still feel my words and not feel so alone, so until I am home and can hold you in my arms, these words will be a token to remind you of my love.

But the thing with love is, it can get so overwhelming, that writing about it can no longer be an option, so until I can once again find the words that right now escape me, know I love you today and tomorrow and after that for infinity.

Take my heart, within your hands,
Promise me its broken pieces will be enough for you
Take my love and my demands
Open my eyes so I can once again see the world
I need you please, I forgot how to do this
I want to ask you, but feel too nervous
I am foolishly falling, will you catch me
Just stay right here and hold me tightly

As my psychologist said "see you next week" I silently questioned... but will you?

I think I can't be what you want,
My ears never seem to listen  
My heart never lets you in like you want it to
My lips sealed, never saying words you wait to hear
But I love you like no other
I let you in the only way I know how
I pour myself into this like there is no tomorrow
And maybe after this there won't be
Because I don't seem to fix myself like you need me to
What I should do for you seems obvious to others, but not to me
See I may be weak but you are the only person I have ever tried this much for
But I think it won't be enough
Because my love is tainted, with broken pieces of who I am
And it is hard to find a way around that
I understand if you are sick of being a soldier through my love
So I am sorry, but I just don't think i'm enough

But sometimes what doesn't **** you makes you weaker,
It takes small pieces,
Until you're left trying to put yourself back together again
And you can only hope you wont fall apart

I want to disappear  
Get ****** into a black hole
Where I will be suspended
So I can sleep
And maybe not wake up

I guess that's how it works with us,
You do whatever you like, tear me to shreds and watch me fall apart
But everytime you need me I will be there and I will hold you up even if it kills me

I was once good at goodbyes,
They were a convenient temporary end,
To a greeting or awkward social communication

Now that I have experienced, how truly permanent goodbyes can be,
They are not easy, but terrifying and I am now bad at goodbyes

Cancer laughs, ha ha ha
Well you entitled *****, I do not find it funny
Stop attacking my family
Why are we so interesting to you anyway?

That is the thing about grief,
You can talk to them all you want,
But the silence that fills the air when they dont reply
Will always tear you to shreds

Mama maybe you want what is best for me, but I crave the opposite
I feel like a watch nobody bothered to fix
Still pretty, but unable to function
I feel like everything is a mystery,
But we always knew I was no problem solver,
See you did that for me
And now I'm spinning in circles, trying to find the answers I can not find for myself

When I was broken and hurting,
You waited patiently next to my side while I healed,
Never rushing me, but always waiting to catch me if I fell
And I will forever love you for that

You are dead
But if you need me
Look anywhere but your gravestone
Because I am too selfish to visit you now
I have enough daily reminders of your death
For example my constant thoughts of suicide
Because truly, how am I meant to be alive without you

You died, you got to leave, on to better places I hope
Don't worry about me, I have memories to cry over and my crippling loneliness to keep me occupied
I have your belongings as a constant reminder
Just in case.... for a mere second, I forgot that you are dead

On the good days, I smile when I wake up,
I enjoy the sunshine and the breeze,
I thrive with productivity and eat healthy

But on the dark days, my bed can be my only companion
My body aches
And every breath fills me with regret
Because I am just not good enough