If her childlike
  self was to see
her now what
would
         she think
would
       the shock
freeze
her heart to a
still beat make
her turn & run
       back to the
dream, the
encounter
      shattering
her
     at the seams
as if
   they were two
elements that
could
not exist together
separated by age
      & heartache,
         everything
that had
  changed, blood,
        brain, dna
or would they
embrace,
     reconnect,
      vow to start
again

An old memory
of beautiful music
tainted by the knowledge
that the skill was learned
under duress.

.

He doesn't realise...
The weight of his actions and words that pummel her to the ground.
Beating her down for every time she rises up to undo his ropes with which she's bound.

He doesn't see...
Past the darkened lenses that she dons.
She wears them,
not to shield her pride that was wrongfully taken,
but to protect him from the repercussions that would come with accusatory speculations.

He doesn't know...
Of the soaked pillow that accompanied her.
The rivulets of tears...
She had quietly shed without a whimper.

He doesn't hear...
The silent altercation between the treasure that beats in her chest and the thing that thinks in her head.
The struggle that ensues when the mind tries to rescind what the heart had wholly given and carelessly said.

He doesn't care...
To think of the devastating waves that come.
Only to erode the last bastion of hope she nurtures...
This frail wall that she prays for nightly.
Just so that it would hold up through another day's endeavour.

He doesn't feel...
The need for empathy.
For he thinks that he's god with one devout follower.
He commands her loyalty with his deluded testaments
and his fists as sceptre.

She doesn't live...
To see future suns.
For her day finally set when it all came down.
The wall she had feebly held together with her life...
Easily gave way when he came at her armed with a knife.

.

7:30 am
windows
letting
through sun
must get out
and play
or just to
walk
in its rays

I can right all the wrongs
in all the heartbreak songs
But I can not un-write a song
That has already been sung.

I can better myself today
But I can not erase my past
For every walking object
Leaves a shadowy cast.

Virginia Woolf and poetry
No one seemed to notice me
Being young was getting so old
Cheap beer and cigarettes
Life was like a movie set
And I seemed to be given no role

But in times of trouble
I can turn to my mother
And I know that she gon’ understand
So at age 18
I cried to my mother
And she told me, “young man”

“There are moments when you fall to the ground
But you are stronger than you feel you are now
You don’t always have to speak so loud, no
Just be as you are
Life is not always a comfortable ride
Everybody’s got scars that they hide
And everybody plays the fool sometimes, yeah
Just be as you are”

They played me on the radio
And everything was changing, so
I thought I was all the way grown
But I can still remember in that cold November
When I realized I’m all alone

But in times of trouble
I can turn to my mother
And I know that she gon’ understand
So at age 22
I cried to my mother
And she told me, “young man”

“There are moments when you fall to the ground
But you are stronger than you feel you are now
You don’t always have to speak so loud, no
Just be as you are
It doesn’t matter if you become some star
Life is better when you open your heart
You don’t always have to act so hard, no
Just be as you are”

If I’m speaking truthfully
I’m not who I used to be
And I know some people might laugh
‘Cause my music doesn’t sound the same
And my head’s no longer shaved
I’m worried if I’m on the right path

But in times of trouble
I can turn to my mother
And I know that she gon’ understand
So at age 26
I spoke to my mother
And she told me, “young man”

“There are moments when you fall to the ground
But you are stronger than you feel you are now
You don’t always have to speak so loud, no
Just be as you are
It doesn’t matter if you become some star
Life is better when you open your heart
You don’t always have to act so hard, no
Just be as you are”

Be as you are