he sits in a corner with a cigarette in his mouth and i can barely make out the features of his face behind the wispy smoke. i am wide awake and blinking wearily, my trademark playlist for the 'sad and lonely' beating away quietly in the background. our meetings have become frequent rituals where misery and metaphorical silence fills the air, gazing at each other until one gives in.

as always, he speaks first.

"and here we are, we meet again."

i stare blankly at him, watching the way his eyes glow under the dim light of my room. he is twenty to my seventeen and the three years mean nothing, not when he is here within arms' reach. it has never mattered, i think back in retrospect; i have loved him just as long.

"you insist on appearing when i least want you to return, why is that?" my heart clenches on itself harder, the beating of my pulse no different than angry smashes to my rib cage. i have come to hate our meetings, but i am powerless to stop them.

he grins and it is a stupid little thing, the cigarette rolling freely in between his thin fingers. the pause in his reply is long enough for him to take another drag, smoke billowing out in thin, circular shapes as he purses his lips together.

"you know perfectly why, it's because you miss me."

what a self absorbed, conceited *******, i find myself thinking. i lean forward to tear the cigarette out of his hand and crush it in mine, the heat a welcome sensation to the icy tension between the two of us.

"you're a terrible liar, you don't even actually smoke."

he stares at me properly now, eyes twinkling and fever bright.

"i can be anything you imagine me up to be - and today you wanted cigarette smoke and me to fill up the lonely."

the smell of nicotine slowly fades to that of a familiar faint vanilla and honeysuckle of my room, the image of the boy in my vision similarly humming silently in a preparation to disappear.

"i'll see you the next time you want me to. same time, same place?"

i have never been able to watch him leave, so i close my eyes and nod silently. there are only so many times you can watch a person leave you over and over again.

"of course," he whispers, and the smile in his voice is evident. "only for you."

-

by the time i open my eyes, he is gone.

(A.H.Z)

There is a poem I can't write, it only has two lines
But I'm not a minimalist, I'm an underachiever.

I don't know you but you have probably sat in a classroom at some point.
"Who was Adolf Hilter?"
"What is y = 9 + 2y? "
We spend so many hours perched on chairs and learning facts/equations that eventually will fade from our minds
Material that will need be useful in real and actual life
The real question is who are we?
Who am I really?
Am I the galaxy of freckles dusted on my nose?
Or the bruises etched on my skin from my tendency to drip over invisible molecules?
Research shows that every single one of us sees ourselves lightyears more attractive than we really are but at the end of the day, we aren't just mere flesh
Trends will fade, faith may dismissed, and love might only tear us in apart
So why do we **** time by scrutinizing ourselves and others, manifesting on our every flaw and lovers that will never hold us again?
I think the trick is to consume everything the universe has to offer us before it begins to gnaw on you
Feed off everything you find righteous
Relish literature
Become infatuated with nature instead of man
The sea, flowers and the sunset will never pierce your heart
The mountains and the stars will never judge
The only real way to truly live is to find peace with yourself
Find your strengths and know your limits
Indulge in whatever makes your heart swell
Be passionate about what you love or towards who you love
Because every second you just sit and try to **** time, your biological clock is ticking silently
I don't know you or your story but we both lack knowledge of when we will cease to exist
when our lungs will tighten and we will be reduced to nothing but shriveled bones
So take a chance
Go on a road trip
Call that person who has been on your mind for so long
Say hi to that pretty girl or boy who makes your heart stutter at the risk of being rejected
Each of us is currently at war with ourselves
And our every decision will determine what the outcome will be
Will it be a life of continued misery or will you live better, magnificent days with faded battle wounds and inner peace?
The ultimate choice is yours and so is this moment
Do something with it