I slip away into dreams
of when we were together

into memories of
your touch upon my skin

scorching as starlight
and just as beautiful

doubting myself,
I walk through the roads of regret

until I reach
your outstretched hand

and know that I have found
my home

in your arms I am infinite

Come and listen to the sound
of my skin,
you will hear the regret
that lingers on it

from the brushes of his fingers
through the fine hairs on my arm,
that embarrassed me,
but he thought were delicately beautiful

you will hear the sighs
he buried in my neck,
after being up with my nightmares
for the third night in a row

he said he didn’t mind,
but those sighs... those sighs...

you will hear the sting of his goodbye
that hit me like a tidal wave,
straight in the stomach,

it stung... it stung like a fierce bee
who had nothing left to lose
by leaving its sting
in the skin of its lover,

hear my skin, hear that sting
it buzzes, hums, vibrates...
my skin is alive with venom

don’t listen for too long,
it spreads

A morning scene dissolves around me;
blue skies pierced with delicate sun rays
The taste of coffee and cigarettes
rich on my tongue
I have been up all night again drinking
and smoking until the packet is empty
I promised myself I would not
grow bitter in my sadness
But once a seed has been planted
you are not in control of how it grows

You may think I invited you in,
with my kind words
and a cheeky grin

that I accepted your drinks
and bought you ones in return

but when the alcohol wore off,
and I found myself in your house

how did I get here!?
and why can’t I leave?!

I must stay, as you press my back
into the sofa,
and I can’t breathe
unless I

swallow

when I run to the door
and fumble with the lock

as you stand behind me
and laugh, suddenly grab

me and drag me
into your bedroom

force me down on the bed,
cover my mouth as I scream

was it the grin?
asking for it!
did the grin deserve it?

my kind words were not an invitation
for you to destroy me like this

I imagine them ringing in your ears, justifying your actions

but my grin has faded
and if it ever was inviting
it’s vanished, now

We bask in winter’s glow;

watching the snow fall,
each white droplet filled
with the ability to heal

we drink hot, sweet tea
from steaming, striped mugs
each sip burning our tongue and eroding the bitter taste of last night’s arguments

Spring will come,
and the world will be reborn,
and our love reborn, too

but for now, we don’t need the sun

when the chill cleanses us of our harsh words, and the snow erodes our mistakes

When words are not enough, I cry

and in crying hope to unleash
some of the burden that nails me,
like Jesus to the cross

and set free my spirit,
divine and infinite

into the world where ghosts walk
and haunt my sleep,
but I hold hands with them, also

and we walk blindly into the moon
moon child, bright and brilliant
white light coursing through my veins

I cry, but tears are not weakness
and still I stand strong

The first pill was bitter
and stuck in my throat like lead

I had to force it down,
like swallowing sand

The second pill was sweet
and slipped down like honey

I barely noticed it,
deceptively sugar coated
and innocent

The last pill broke apart
in my mouth, powder on my tongue

I felt every milligram disintegrate
like my life

I swallowed

I swallowed

I swallowed