People don't really know
Anything about me
Except that I have blonde hair
Green/blue eyes
And fingernails
Bitten down
To the nub
From the anxiety
That course through
My veins.

But really
There is much more to me
Than meets the eye

Because I have moved
About a gazillion times
From Florida,
To Utah
To California
Back to Utah
To this cold wasteland
They call Idaho

I never really let anyone in
Because I never
Have time to
Because I'll be somewhere
For a year,
Maybe two,
And then get up
And leave to another place
With millions of new faces
That most I will never
Get to meet.

That my parents
Live in separate houses
And had this thing called
"Divorce"
Which keeps them a state away
Because my mom
Back stabs everyone she meets
And is the most negative person
I have ever met.
And this is why I live
With my Dad
Whom I adore
Because he has been through
So much
And is still here.

That just a year ago
I dreamt of being famous
And standing on a stage
Singing my heart out
Doing what I loved
And yes I say loved
Because it was an old dream
One that I realized
Was not a dream
I could make
Reality.

That my favorite color
Is teal
Because of the boy's eyes
That I fell for
Or maybe
It reminded me of the ocean
And how I longed
To live there one day
And get to stand in
California
Because somehow I think
I belong there
Belong with the ocean
And the palm trees
And maybe they have
Better people than here.

That I would do anything
To get away from
This stupid town
Because every time I move
It's just onto
Another stupid town
I want to just buy a plane ticket
And fly to California
Or somewhere
Far, far away.

Because I can't stand
Living somewhere
That I hate

Because I want to be
Happy.

And guess what?

Three more years
And I can finally leave

To where I can forget
About moving so much

To where I can maybe
Get attached to people
And not have to leave

To where I don't have
To think about
The woman who raised me
Turned into this monster
Who I never thought
She could become.

To where I can
Move onto a new dream
One that I can
Really make
Reality.

So this is me
Sumed up in this
Confusing and
Long poem

So now I'll be done
With who I am

Who are you?

-e.w.

I have this thing
Growing deep inside me
Coursing through my veins
Like a ****

It's attached to my heart
Making me emotionless,
helpless, heartless

Because it's eating away
At the beating thing
That keeps me breathing
And keeps me going
But it's slowly getting
Smaller

-e.w.

Last night
When the sun
Slept soundly on the other side
Of the earth
I had a handful of
Purple and blue pills
Ready to shove them down
My throat

Ready to slice up
The ugly skin
That covers my torn up body

Ready to do
Whatever it takes
To get away
From whatever the hell
This thing is
You all call
"Life".

-e.w.

The only way anymore
For me to feel
Just an ounce of
Happiness
Is to listen to the music
That fills my ears
And fills the empty cracks
Inside my heart
That ache with pain
But when I hear
Those few notes
And that voice
That could compare to
My very own angels
I am
Free

Even for just a moment
I can forget
About the depression,
Anxiety
And all the other horrors
That fill my body
And crazy, mixed-up
Mind.

-e.w.

I took the first step
Today

Telling myself
I don't need you
To be happy

Because I see you smiling
With your friends
And other girls
While I'm all alone
Dying inside

But then it hit me

I'm better than this
And I don't need
An *******
Of a guy
To make me feel
Like maybe I can continue
Living

Because I feel like dying
21/7
And I don't need you
To be the one
Making me go
Closer to the edge

Instead of trying to
Save me.

-e.w.

Please forgive me
If the only words you hear from me
Are sad and depressing
Things

Because all that courses through
These dying veins anymore
Is the evil that comes
From my aching heart

I do not know
Happiness

And happiness
Is not a friend of
Mine.

-e.w.