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Emma Shinn May 2014
the world needs a lesson in self esteem

we can start by re-examining exactly what each part of that term means

self (hyphen): "to, with, toward, for, on, in oneself"
esteem: "favorable opinion or judgement; respect or regard"
self esteem: to hold a favorable opinion or judgement, respect or regard, to, with, toward, for, on, or in oneself

the world needs this lesson because our children do not know what this term means
because the reason they do not know is because their parents did not know
because the reason their parents did not know is because every generation before them passed along
a belief that you had to fit into every box, had to blend in to every crowd, had to meet every bullet point on the checklist
in order to be considered a person of worth

because the great secret that they never told is that people were not made
to fit into boxes, or be marked on a checklist

because my mother married a man who did not deserve her
because she thought that she wouldn't be able to do any better
because that man looked at his beautiful new stepdaughter
and told her she was worthless, and that her mother knew it too

because that girl was cursed with the hips and the **** and the waist of her great grandmother
and when she went to school with her stepfather's words in her head
a boy in her second grade class said the same **** things, and worse

because i was that girl and i was never the girl who got to walk behind me in the hallways
and laugh at the way that my shirt was too tight, and my thighs were too big, and laugh even harder when i cried
because my best friend in high school was always "the hot one"
and because i cried myself to sleep every time one of our guy friends talked to me about how much he wanted to **** her

because i craved objectification before i'd even finished ninth grade
because i wished that i could sink my hands into my own flesh and rip pieces away and be left with something "beautiful"
because i looked in the mirror every day of my life and pointed out every small detail of what was wrong with my reflection
because i hoped that would help me pretend it didn't hurt when other people pointed out the imperfections

because even after satisfying girlfriend boyfriend girlfriend boyfriend, i still did not feel good about my own body
because it took finding the woman that i want to spend the rest of my life with to make me want to turn the lights on when we ****
because she is the most beautiful woman that i have ever seen
but before me, she'd always wanted to leave the lights off too
because we are grateful to each other for the confidence we have gained
and because we both wish we hadn't needed the other to find something that should have been found within ourselves

the world needs a lesson in self-esteem
and i know this because
i had to write this poem
This is actually a transcript of what should really be heard recited as a slam poem. I do like how it works on paper though, so I thought I'd upload it without audio anyway.
Emma Shinn Mar 2014
I think of you
in the early morning
when I awake all alone in my big big bed
See you bleary and warm, mussed up and
smiling, with crinkles around
your eyes that look like
the wrinkles on my sheets

I think of you
in the mid-afternoon
when I'm lazy and basking in the soft soft sun
Hear you breathing and speaking, laughing
and sighing, with a groan rising
from your throat as I kiss
the line of your neck

I think of you
in the latest night
when I'm tired and lonely and so so sad
Feel you holding me, anchoring me,
pressing your heartbeat warmth
against my back and sending
shivers to my toes
Emma Shinn Mar 2014
If I slid the knife out from my heart
dripping blood and kerosene
and held it above your lips
would you love me enough to drink?

Would you cut your tongue on the edge
of the blade, trying to get more
or set fire to my body
with the matches in your eyes?
Emma Shinn Mar 2014
what does one do
when one wants to see the world?

not only to travel
not only to move

but to see the whole world
in all of its parts and pieces

to peer at every nook and cranny
to climb every mountain and walk every path

to visit every home and church
to learn the ways of every culture

what does one do when one realizes
such a goal is impossible?

one wishes, and hopes, and imagines
and one loses their opportunity to see even a part

while lamenting the inability
to experience the whole

— The End —