these sheets have never welcomed me this much
drained from dragging my feet on the pavement
my ears have been filled with your pitiful pleas
my heart is eager to flee from the twisted words you breathe
if I'm being honest, this silence is way too loud
and I can hear your thoughts through your skull

I've always wondered what it would be like
to have a boy kneeling before me begging for my forgiveness
I've always thought that I'd feel powerful
instead I felt nothing

I used to be addicted
until I rehabilitated
now everything is low
compared to the time I spent high
but whatever brings you up
always crashes down hard
always leaves scars

the needle marks that were your kisses
sit on my skin as reminders
that you cannot save a person
who is drowning in themselves
and rock bottom is a lot closer than you know
when drugs are involved

some days confusion rips each half of me into shredded bits
and I never wake up knowing

my heart wanes back and forth between the different me's
while my brain tries to make sense of it all

does anyone know exactly who they are?
I feel like I have to run and never look back
all the while aiming for a box that I know I won't fit into
and the moment I reach it, it'll stretch and creak,
push me back to the old box I was in

categories rule my life
but I never asked for this

I inhaled the smell of the past when I walked by a couple of smokers
laughing and coughing;
oblivious to the fact that anyone might have a thought about them
I couldn't help but think
that used to be me

if there is a heaven and hell I know where I'll end up
I should've burst into flames the moment our clothes came off
because you tasting me on church property was a sin I won't repent

I always make sure if the devil is watching he gets a good show
I want a good seat when it's my turn to burn