alcohol and *** are a funny combination
leaving a night full of inebriated fun feeling scandalous
sharing a walk of shame to the local 7-11
and feeling patriotic when we make it to the 4am game at TCs

somehow I keep falling in and out of love with destroying myself

I will drain all the blood from my body before I can forget
nothing comes in black and white
except for life and death

if drugs are so freeing then why are all my friends confined
bedrooms, bathrooms, back rooms
falling from grace in privacy

tv tells a story of an all-at-once catastrophe
but addiction looks different close up

words flow like streams after a storm
but I want to say something I haven't before

you can only repeat yourself so many times
before people stop listening

so I'll walk through the rain a couple more times to realize
my flowery thoughts are meant to be heard
but you have no ears for me

nostalgia is for the weak
and I am stronger than I've ever been
so why am I homesick for you

maybe when your name ceases to so rudely crumble from my lips
I'll be okay
(or maybe I won't)

the moments spent in these last 4 years
can mostly be described the same way
simply for the fact that you were there

desperately fumbling for a chance at erasing the old me
(but I don't want to forget the old you)

when my vision turns to the past I see you
not as a lover but as a lesson
you showed me who not to give my entire heart to
and how to put up walls higher than we were
I learned that when you're in love with a DJ
the tables are always turned on you
sure, I was always on your arm
but your concentration was elsewhere
even when your hazel eyes locked my grey ones