I exit my door and enter the corridor
The walls begin to collapse as
I grow twice in size
I make a left and turn the corner
As the walls expand I shrink
Three fourths of my size
As if I'm in a fun house
And the hallways are changing size
Yet they've been consistently the same
All those many years
I make my way back home
As I stare at the walls melt.
Till I fall asleep
And wake up thinking it was all a dream.

Users and abusers
come one and all
there is a freak show
down in the glass house
winos and crack heads
coke freaks and nitrous suckers
acupuncture skin punctures
and candy land pill poppers
*** heads and shroom munchers
users and abusers
one and all
come on down to church
in the basement of the glass house
wet your tongue in holy water
and revel the gospel of our lord and savior
(Insert dead pop culture icon here)
and don't forget to pay the tithe
to mother superior

so when the waves ask with forceful brunt of physical emotion
when the skys shatter with a terential light and booming sound
and the grass grows with a grace like a dance reaching towards the light of life
ill see the station of my world blooming like a shroom from the strands of energy that penetrate everything

good intentions never guarenteed good results.
good intentions never guarenteed good
good intentions never guarunteed ****

it's what you say during an apology.
it's what you tell yourself so you can lessen guilt.

I singled you out
under the guise of a friend.
I let you trust me
because we all want to believe.
I let you love me
because I needed the raise in self esteem.

I stayed at your house cause I hate sleeping alone.
I went to dinner because I couldn't afford food.


You started to trust me
and I felt ashamed

You said I was beautiful
I felt ugly


You said you knew me
and I felt like a liar.

You said I was acting strange
and I called you crazy

You said I was pushing away
I told you "so what?"

You wondered what happened...
I felt disgust.

In a moment of guilt I told you it was me,
I told you I was crazy.
I admited I was playing head games with the weak minded
and like a fool you
accepted my apologies.

i'm guilty.
i have the world expecting so much of me
but all i want to do is run.
i'd never claim status as a full blown addict,
but i have an overwhelming urge to go numb.

i know, it's dumb.
silly me, i lost a brother not a son
so it shouldn't be as hard for me.
at least that's what is implied,
what the world makes it seem.
I am supposed to endure my pain
while being strong for dad and mommy.

**** it, fine. I'll be strong this time.
So when you're all feeling fantastic
I'll just destress alone in the backseat
of a car filling discreetly
with carbon monoxide, i'll goto sleep
as it creeps into my lungs slowly.

maybe I'll run off to the carolina's,
with a recently seperated married man.
commit myself to a tragic relationship.
See what ******* drama comes out of it.

Or I could participate in the norm and
go use my insurence cards.
meet a good doctor to
Explain my anxiety's and get a script written up,
.50 Xanex and self adjust my dosages.
float myself into bliss.
It'd be just like old times...
Slow me down enough to see the beauty in it all,
until i run out and have to come back up.

Turn out the lights.
I want to dance in the darkness of my sin.
I want to let down my hair
feel its length run wild down my spine.
I want to feel my arms reaching out into the nothingness,
want to feel the touch of the shadows
as it burns my flesh.
Turn out the lights.
I want to dance in the darkness of my sin.
I want to hear the silence of my solitude, hear it screaming
at me from the pinpoint horizon
I can't actually see because I
turned out the lights so I could dance in the darkness of my sin.
I want to feel the void
at the very center of my being
shaped like the soul I sold to a devil disguised as angel
disguised as man disguised as devil.
I can't tell anymore. Even in this
darkness, it hurts to keep my eyes
open. Even in this darkness I can
see the outline of my nakedness shining
like a beacon out to sea.
But this is not the beacon calling
to lost ships like mothers call to children.
This is the beacon that blinds my eyes
and reminds me of my imperfections.
So again,
turn out the lights.
I want to dance in the darkness of my sin.
Please, just turn out the light
that burns within me. Cut out its source
and let me fade back into the darkness.
Turn out the lights.
I want to dance in the darkness of my sin.

I am not your sunrise lover.
I am 10pm
after a hard days labor.
Dinners cooked and kitchens cleaned.
Lazy hands trace
limp bodies.
Breath softens and bodies roll.

But I am not your sunrise lover

I am midnight moon
high in the sky
eyes thrown back and
thighs open wide.
Sweat drips
breath thick
blood rushing in our lips
body quivers
spirits moan

But I am not your sunrise lover

I am 2am
secrets whispered through
heavy voices and drooping eyes
true selves revealed
under the cloak of night.
Bodies held close
-which is yours?
-which is mine?
It doesn't really matter
I'll be gone before dawn
Because I am not your sunrise lover...