A small victory earned today.
I thought I was out.
I wanted to end it all again,
And leave them all about.
I thought it was all over,
I thought I was finally done.
A small glimpse of happiness and I thought I wasn’t numb.

I wanted to be at rest. I wanted to finally relax,
But I can’t get it off my chest, the family that’ll be on my back.
I never thought they cared,
The bond was only blood,
But I just can’t shake this feeling.
This **** feeling in my gut.

My mind struggles to hold on,
Holding back my temptation.
I can’t even remember the days,
Were happiness wasn’t just my imagination.

I have to put it back down, I need to find my grit.
I need to put it all aside and finally recommit.

Recommit to finding happiness,
To find my own light.
I hate this feeling inside my head.
But for myself.
I have to fight.

Why won’t addiction  leave me alone,
Get fed up and just go away,
It’s not like we’re friends or get on all the much,
But he insists on having to stay,
We may have the odd laugh,
Hang out when we’re bored,
And he’s there when I’m broken or dumped,
But the rest of the time I don’t want him around,
So why he’s still here’s got me stumped.
We broke up last summer,
I felt so alive,
It was nice just to hear my own voice,
I was determined to prove I could manage myself,
It was like being me without all of the noise.
But here I am now,
8 months down the line,
Addiction and me are back on,
I thought I could beat him all by myself,
But I realise now I was wrong.
This time I’m asking,
I’m taking the help,
The support and the sponsor and me,
This time I’m leaving and not going back,
Because this time it’s all about me.

wM

Walking the quiet path
through the ancient forest
filled with snakes and spiders
some say, there might even be Tigers!