My love,

It’s time to talk again. I know your heart is closing up so fast so the words I say won’t stab you where it hurts. It’s time to say everything we couldn’t when we were together and feared that words would be too much to convey what we meant. I want to talk about being together and yet being alone. The loneliness consumes me and the silence deafens me.

I wish I could lie and say that I am happy, but you can always see the depth of sorrow in my eyes. You once said I had the saddest eyes. We have forgotten to love as we are, instead we try to change and mold the other. I asked you what love was, you said you weren’t sure. I told you what I felt and you called it dependence.

I wake up everyday and watch you do things you know I would not like, for people I don’t like. You won’t do the little things for me, you don’t care that I wilt a little when you don’t put me first. I feel like you don’t want to be together, you might not need to be with someone.

I think you’re looking for something no one can give you. I know you will get angry that am tired and weary of trying. You need to see the truth, I don’t have the strength to fight alone. To cry for you, to die for you. I have been alone while I am with you, and I no longer wish to try.

Seems as though I didn’t think of you as much as I usually do. But I’m probably wrong.
I’m eating chocolate cake for breakfast..

It’s ******* June.
Remember how you said that you used to find my hair in the most random places? I hope that still happens, but I doubt it because it’s been over a month since I stepped foot in your room.

I read your poems the other day on my third cigarette and cried on my bathroom floor. Your words were always perfect. Every single word. You and your perfect ******* words. I am so obsessed with you it makes me sick.

We talked through scattered and meaningless messages today that ultimately don’t change anything and I am till here missing you to death.

Last night I told you I was in love with you and you didn’t reply.

the water has been calm for months,
not a wake has wandered from within this body
and still
something is amiss
i miss
you.

and not in some deeply important
or wildly romantic reminiscence
but in a way that makes my throat dry,
my hands hurt,
my eyes water.

it is not that we are cold,
but there is an absence of heat
and by that i mean passion
time is passing
and the water is rising
so why was it surprising
to see the tide?

is
you
calling me
lovely
and your skin
kissing mine
as we lay
in your bed
naked and safe
from the world

I'd like to die trying to make
Forever last forever

I think I'm going blind.
I'm under the impression you've disappeared.
That you're gone for good.
That you've eliminated yourself from my retinas in order to escape my mile wide stare.
That you've constructed homes under tombstones hoping I'd mistake you for
A box of under-appreciated skeletal remains
Because all you've ever wanted is to be dead to me.
Like you wanted my eyes to forget about their day job and resort to conceptualized adultery
Because God forbid I commit to an honest day's pay.
I've never intentionally visualized imaginary fabrications.
But the truth is, my eyes do everything but tell the truth.

1. My eyes write monotonous picture books with your face plastered on every single page
Just to recreate your physical beauty time and time again
So the world knows your look tops my mind's best seller list.

2. My eyes climb mountain tops and skinny dip in stormy seas
Because sometimes crazy is the only way I can get you to look at me.

3. My eyes fly hot air balloons carried by the echoes of your soft spoken sentences
As if exhaust pipes could spew such sweet nothings into the night sky.

4. My eyes invade foreign lands with every intention of burning down
Prehistoric villages and discovering your secret hideaway because I too
Want to know how it feels to savagely destroy former sacred territory.

5. My eyes struggle out of bed every morning.  Not even
Three shots of espresso can perk my eyes up enough
To allow the radiation you still give off enter my pores.

I think I'm going blind.
Or maybe I just can't see straight.
Or be straight up with you and tell you how it takes every part of me
To not gauge my own eyes out for betraying the rest of my body.
It takes every part of me to admit my misjudgments spawned the downfall of it all.
Because I told you I saw the two of us trekking through unfamiliar lands
With each stride another step towards our destiny.
Because I told you I saw something in your eyes
That gave mine the ability to smile.
Because I told you I saw us redefining what infinity
Looks like to the senseless visionary.
But my eyes don't tell the truth.
I'm going blind.