.. My poetry is ******
My head is spinning
And I'm all alone

About forty Million (18%) of Americans over 18 are affected by anxiety and anxiety related disorders.

You're not alone no matter how alone you feel
And maybe nothing feels real
But let me tell you it is
We are not fading nothing
We are not "but a dream within a dream"
We are real

Maybe everything is too real
Maybe feeling is something you'd rather not do
You just need to wait
And even if it takes years
You'll get better

Every eye may have the illusion of staying on you
Maybe every eye is on you
But it is not forever
It is a moment that will pass

You don't have to feel this way (alone)

Your voice gives me a stutter
I have to m-m-mutter
Every insecurity
Every truth
Every feeling
Every lie

Your voice takes my breath
I have to write  
About the butterflies
The shaking
The falling
The m-m-melting

Your voice gives me shivers
Running down my spine
As your hand sends water-fall sensations down my back
I clutch my own skin to try to stay in myself
and
      I am
               m
                   e
                      l
                          t
                             i
                                n
                                    g

You are a poem
Comparing your white skin to paper
Blue veins to blue lines
your story written on you
like the ink on this paper

It's to cold to have the window open
But I need to smoke my cigarettes

your
spinning blue dress
twirling the tip of your needle point heels
on my hands
pricking my finger tips
drawing the red rain you dance in
melding the blue, to
purple
spinning the split hairs of my insecurities
around my arms
binding me
closer to you

1)Spill out your heart in a poem and write every single little detail about how he makes you feel like your body is on fire but in a good way
2)Reject your poem, and substitute the two hundred thirty nine words with three letters “hey”
3)Feel the pain of talking to someone who has no idea what flirting is
3)Tell yourself you are not taking a direct enough approach
1) Spill out your heart in poetry and write every single little detail about how he makes you feel like your body is on fire
2) reject your poem, and substitute the two hundred thirty nine words with three words “So whats up”
3)Feel the pain of talking to someone who has no idea what dating is like
4)Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
4)Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
4) Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
5)Be friends with his friends
6)Watch his favorite show
7)Imagine every good way this could end
8)Imagine every bad way this could end
9)Tell yourself you will be his friend, nothing more
10)Write two hundred and thirty nine words to tell him what he does to you
11)Wait for him to read your poetry

Sit pretty
Bat your eyes
Don't make a mistake

easons to date me?
Because I may not have the highest self-esteem but
I can tell you what great things make me great for you
Like the big sweaters I always wear
They make me warm so I won’t steal your sweater
(Unless I’m really cold then I might still steal it)
I wear leggings and stuff so you can see my cute ****
I don’t care if you’re busy, you don’t need to be with me 24/7
My hair is really soft
So when we cuddle you get to put your head on my soft hair
I’m super duper cute sometimes
I’ll love you tons
I’m a writer so I’ll write and write and write and write for you
I like animals
I’m super nice and stuff
I love Huggies and cuddles
I can be really clingy
But you can tell me to stop and I won’t get upset
I love movies
All movies
Any movies
Lets go watch a movie together

Wake up
Put on your face
so you can pretend your demons
Don’t chase you
Realize you don’t love yourself
Go to the kitchen
See all the pills you have to take
to stop the shaking
to stop the voices
to stop the depression
Realize all you are is a mix of pills
Make breakfast and listen to your dad call you fat
As he walks away your confidence with your untouched breakfast
Realize you don’t love yourself
Take your pills
With a glass of water
and a shot of whiskey
Realize all you are is a mix of pills
Go to bed
Dream its okay
Wake up
Realize you don’t love yourself

Dear, you are my poetry in motion
Your fluid movement
Sharp chin, keen eyes
Baby, you are my poetry in motion
Even writers block
Can't stop my mindless ramblings over you
It can't stop my long winded description of every step you take
Sweetheart, you are my poetry in motion
Your loud footsteps carrying you closer to your dream
Your writing making people feel
Darling, you are my poetry in motion

.

Infatuated with your poetry
With your big headphones
Crooked nose
The way you hold your head high
You walk with a confidence I am jealous of
You write
And I wish those words
Were for me
I wish you were writing a cast around my heart
I want to write out the feelings
Feeling that I get
Reading your poetry
Pretending you wrote for me
Pretending I am the girl with pale skin
Blowing bubble gum bubbles around your heart
I wish I was your midnight walk
I wish I was the infatuation
Infatuation of your poetry
I wish I was that temporary gravitational pull
You couldn’t get away from
I wish I was the blonde
Blonde girl
your eye was on
But I am the
olive skin girl
With pink hair
Blowing smoke rings
Around my head
Hoping to blind myself
So I can just pretend
You wrote those poems for me

1,2,3
Breath
I can’t pull my head from under water

1,2,3
Inhale
1,2,3
exhale

No one told me what to do when I can’t breath
I can’t breath
Breath
breath

1,2,3

The, Oh I just can’t stand this pain
The, I will never get him out of my head
The, Why me, why me
The, this is my fault
The, I’m forever ****** up now
The, I hate you so much
The, don’t touch me
The, I jump at the sound of leaves
The, I head footsteps coming to my door
The, How did I manage to get into this
The, Every movement you make will  cause me to flinch
The, Don’t give me metaphors to heal my heart
The, Don’t touch me
The, I said don’t touch me
The, A hug is touching me so please stop
The, your walking to close behind me
The, this is my fault
The, If I smell him I will burst into tears
The, every face in a dark room is his
The, Why do I still think its my fault
The, If you grab my shoulder I might start crying
The, No I don’t want to talk about it
The, I don’t have to tell you if I don’t want to
The, please stop asking me
The, Yes I knew Him
The, no, you don’t have to be walking home alone in a dark ally for this to happen
The, I said no
The, he didn’t listen
The, why wouldn’t he listen
The, I still think its my fault
The, No man can ever heal me
The, Yes there are good men out there, but I don’t want you  to “heal me”
The, no, not every poem I write is inspired by him
The, no I don’t hate ***
The, no I don’t hate me
The, Your touching me again
The, No I will not talk about this
The, It’s not my fault poem

Don’t tell me you love me
Find a way to say it differently
Don’t say something so cliché
Said every day
Don’t tell me the sun sets and rises for me
Because I know the the rotation and revolution of the earth mixed with the gravitational pull of sun
Tell me you’ll buy me seventeen cats, because you know seventeen is my favorite number
Tell me you’ll paint my house purple, because it matches my hair, and it will make you think of me every time you look at it
Tell me you’ll never let me miss a Metallica concert that comes to Kansas
Tell me that you would take me to the aurora borealis and read me the poem about it
Tell me you will keep a drawer of head phones, so I never run out
Tell me you will take every knife out of the house
Tell me you will hang your clothes according to colour because it makes you feel like I did it for you
Tell me you will never buy me a valentine, you’ll buy me a bottle of ***** instead
Tell me you will hold me even when I’m screaming that I hate you
Tell me you will never try to make me like sports
Tell me you will take me to comicon and cosplay with me
Tell me you will always deal with my friends, even when they hate you
Tell me you will never say a bad thing about my mother, unless I say something first
Tell me you will buy me tampons at two in the morning
Tell me you will think i’m beautiful when I eat
Tell me you will make me feel like I can eat in front of you
Tell me you will watch cheesy disney movies with me
Tell me you will sing songs with me
Tell me you will dye my hair
Tell me you will listen to me even when I don’t make any sense
Don’t you ever say you love me

You see
Your cuss words no longer have an effect on me
You can call me a *****
A *****
A two faced ****
A **** up
And I will smile and say thank you
Because if you really wanna hit me hard
Tell me I won’t get a full ride to my dream college
The only ride I’ll get will be with you later that night
If you wanna get a rise out of me
Tell me my poetry will fall on deaf ears
That all of these cheers are false hope
Tell me my cousin will grow up with an eating disorder
And won’t trust me enough to help her
Tell me my cats will run away from me
Tell me the only way I will get nice clothes is by stealing
Tell me I will never be able to pay everyone back
If you want to hit me hard
Tell me I will be a terrible mother
Tell me my children will fail out of school
Tell me their father will leave and never pay a dime of child support
If you want to get me good
Use your tongue like a razor
And cut deep
Find meaning in your words
and hit me harder
Because your cuss words no longer have meaning

Insert tasteless **** joke here*
I stand still listening to the clicking trigger of your words
As the bullet shooting from your mouth hits a still new wound
And even though this all past just over a year ago
Every time my battle scars from this ongoing war start to heal
A new obstacle must be conquered, and new wounds form
What you did to me was repeated
not once
not twice
Four more times
****
******
and Child *******
All used to just be words
Officers
Judges
And district attorneys
Were once all just people
Your **** joke may be funny to you
But think of the people who really lived through it
The *** end of your **** joke
The boys and girls standing
Hiding behind the façade of petty laughter

Talking about styles in class
The teacher points to me
How my clothes make a rebel
My attitude has no cause
My hair shows my need for attention
My expensive jacket shows wealth
But my cheap flats revel I am poor
I turn my attention to her
I say nothing
I just nod
She could figure me out in a few seconds
But I haven't been able to find myself out in 15 years

How do I tell you
How perfect you seem?
How do I tell you
How amazing you are?
How do I tell you
What you mean to me?
How do I tell you
What the sight of you does to me?
You are the reason my heart flutters and flits
You are the reason my hands shake and my voice quits
So my one question for you is this
Will you be my date to WPA?

and he's only serving 283 months
For ****** one girl they know of
Five truthfully
And more than once for all
Sodomizing at least four
Over twenty truth fully
and he's not getting charged
For breaking my heart

I'm so glad he's gone
Because "go **** yourself *****" is no way to great some one

I stand still listening to the clicking trigger of your words
As the bullet shooting from your mouth hits a still new wound
And even though this all past just over a year ago
Every time my battle scars from this ongoing war start to heal
A new obstacle must be conquered, and new wounds form
What you did to me was repeated
not once
not twice
Four more times
****
******
and Child *******
All used to just be words to me
Officers
Judges
And district attorneys
Were once all just people
Your **** joke may be funny to you
But think of the people who really lived through it

JannaLee Perry

He’s standing
He stands so poetic
He stands by a tree
He stands strong
He stands weak
I start falling
I fall to my knees
I fall to the ground
I fall from the weight of my infatuation
I fall thinking of you
I am breaking my back
I break my back
I break my back trying to not think of you
I break my back under the weight of this
I break my back trying to not think of this
I can’t admit this
But I can’t just omit these feelings
You see I have only your name
I have not your feelings
Your emotions
Your fears
Your love
You only know my name
You do not have anything of me
You don’t want me

You
Are
The
Hurricane
That
Finally
Broke
Everything
About
Me

You made me fear myself
You made me do things I would have never wanted to do
I told everyone so I could get a bit of relief from them think I was so cool
But it only made me want to cry for myself even more
I didn't know how bad this was till the cops showed up at my door with your name lingering on their tongues
Tainting the room with the essences of my fear mixed with my infatuation
It made a bittersweet fog for me to fumble through, a bittersweet unknowing fog
I didn't know how bad this was till they made me take my shirt and pants off to show them bruises in the shape of you
When they took off my ribbons stained with an ink held in vein
Showing your name, more permanent than a tattoo
The scars still haunt me, making me flinch every time I change
I didn't realize what this fear could do to me
Slowly letting the cops drag bits and pieces of you from me
The pieces that I held close to my heart
The pieces that had left tears and wounds on me
Not quite able to see what you, my fear of you had done
I was barely able to see how big of a mistake I made for you
I did all of this out of my fear of you
My fear making me think I loved you
Fear did this to me
Oh fear, it drives me
It drove me to this
My fear of you
It drove me to this
You drove me to this
Or maybe I feared not you, but no you
Oh the fear I have of you, Its so terrifying
terrifying myself that at my youngest of thirty, or at my oldest forty five
You'll come and get me
Get me and not let me go
I smell you surrounding me
The first three months it comforted me
Now it sends me into a panic
I can feel you slowly pulling away my innocence
So slow and thrilling at first
Harsh and cruel as it goes
Slowly realizing there is no more to pull away
No more innocence
Only raw ***** skin
***** skin, so fragile, it could tear away any moment
The pain you give me
Now received by your claws ripping down drawing blood I've never spoken of
Your teeth leaving scars only seen by me
Time like that left untold, they built a dam of stories
It has leaks and holes, threatening to break open
It has me threatening to tell about the three days in November when you did more to me than I ever wanted
You ignored my whimpers and pleads of no
You pushed me, Making me yours
Making me your two cent *****
I still fear waking in your house wanting to leave but my fear keeping me rooted to the spot
Your touch making me a puppet for your use
A rag doll for your pleasure
Fear is such a simple word but the way it drives us is a complicated *******
A ******* that won't let us out of this metaphorical car
How was my fear able to shape me into this whimpering being afraid of the dark
Afraid of my monster
Afraid of my monster that made me a woman before I was even ready to be a girl
I have an immense fear of you
Fear that I will never be able to shake you
That you will always be around that corner ready to get me
My fear drives my more recklessly than an alcoholic at happy hour
It drives me to think that I was the one who did wrong
It drives me to dark places
Places where my fear pushes
Pushes me to my inevitable demise
My demise sending me down to hell
Sending me to have an eternity with you taunting me
You have shaped me into something no one should ever have to be
I throw myself into trying to forget you only to receive more shame
The shame of waking up tangled in sheets not able to find my shoes
You created me
I am afraid of a two headed monster
This monster is you and the me you created
I fear you
I fear no you
I fear having you
There is no balance to my insanity for you
The insanity you inspired
I am being driven by a simple emotion, turned oh so complicated
I am being driven and I can’t get out of this metaphorical car
I can’t get you out of my head

I see you in my photos
There you are in my videos
You haunt me
Looking at you is captivating
I know you not
I make up your story
I make up the reason for the small scar on your face
I see you in my photos
There you are in my videos
Haunting my imagination

Its A new year
And I still hate myself
Its a new year
And I still have mental illness
Its a new year
And I'm still an addict
Its a new year

*And I still love you

I finally realized why I reach for a sound button when I'm all alone
Its something I started doing
I've seen my father do it day after day
In the silence
We reach for a sound button
*To turn down the voices in our heads

You want me back
But dear how do I tell you
I've moved on?

I loved you dear
And maybe I might
Still love you.

But dear
I have some one new
But I truly miss you.

Breathing
Your airy words now lack the conviction to make me listen 
Your flow-y hair no longer makes me worship you 
Your bubblegum lips may speak 
But you just say words 
There is no longer poetry in the curve of your hips 
Your hands no longer create art 
Your body language has gone extinct 
I used to write symphonies dedicated to you walking away from me 
I wrote sonnets about the warmth of your embrace chilled by your past 
Your eyes no longer no longer tell the world you love it
The voice you have no longer speaks poetically
Your breath used to manifest hope
But now it manifests into the background noise of an average high school girl
And this background noise seems to be on repeat
You used to put pure emotion on paper
But now its pure desperation
What happened to the girl who used to stop her feet screaming **** the system
Because all thats in front of me is a tip toeing girl afraid to make a sound
You used to cry out songs
But now your trying to bleed out a poison rooted in your veins
You are no longer powerful
Your head is no longer held high
When did you trade your best friend for abuse?
When did you trade poetry for drugs?
*When did you trade in your self?

Kisses on the nape of my neck
Tight hugs from behind
Arms cradling my waist
Warm breath melting away the frost on my heart

I didn't think a puppy love would ever feel so good
I never thought "I love you" would ever come this easily

Pressing your hand on my ribcage
Light bites on my lips
Smirking at the low moans escaping my mouth
Our lungs breathing the same breath

Please everyone, I know not everyone prays, but my niece is having Anaphylaxis . Please keep her in your prayers, or in mind.

~She will fall so hard you will need to pick her up
~She will take in every word you say and turn it into a weapon of self destruction
~She will write novels about the little things you do
~Every kiss with her will last to the count of infinity
~She will need you at two a.m. to stitch her battle wounds
~You will have to take on the job of being a safety net to catch her when she slips
~She will beg you to part the clouds so she can dance it the sunlight with you
~She will fight you till the end of time for trying to say she is beautiful
     ~She will never just take your compliments
~She will lie and say she's okay when there is a war in her head
**~She will love you more than she can love herself

You there 
Yes you 
You sit there so quiet 
Pretty blonde hair, green eyes 
You play with dolls you don't notice peoples size 
You see beauty and that's all 
You there 
Yes you 
You sit there so quiet 
Pretty dark blond hair, green eyes
You cry in front of the mirror because someone told you someone told you to hate your size
You see ugly and that's all
But wait  
You there 
Yes you 
Pretty red hair, green eyes 
You stay so quiet
You sit in the bathroom 
You play with razors because someone told you someone told you to hate yourself 
You see red and that's all
But wait 
You there 
Yes you pretty black hair, green eyes 
You still sit in silence 
You play in the bathroom 
You won't keep anything down
They taught you to keep up the hate
Hate yourself 
But wait 
You there 
Yes you 
Faded blonde hair, dull green eyes 
You will lay there screaming, *with no one hearing *
All you are is an empty shell 
They taught you hate and *now it's too much *
You'll lay in the hospital 
But It’s still to much
But wait
You there
Yes you
Hair freshly dyed blonde 
Eyes shut so tight
Ribbons over freshly cut wrists
Best dress on, white stained with red at the hips
You lay so quiet 
*Whispering your final goodnight

We just want love
If you think about it
Thats what we all crave
We just want love
We want to osmotically absorb it into our blood
It doesn't matter to us how we get it or who we take it from
We just want to cover ourselves in a blanket of infatuation
Or maybe we crave the love our parents never gave us
We want to smooth out the bumps on our face
The lines on our arms
We want love we don't care who gives it to us
We just want it why do you think we go out and do stupid things
We want love
Your love mommy and daddy
I want you to put away your phone and take a day off work and love me
I **** up so you can kiss my cuts and stitch me up
Tell me you love me not like you do in front of the therapist
Not like you do in court
Not like you do in front of the cops
Tell me you love me
Tell me you really really love me

I don’t think theres been a time that I felt more inclined to run to the bathroom crying with arms slit open crying the tears I don’t want you to ever see. I don’t think theres been a time when I was crying this ******* the inside and didn’t know why. I can feel my self filling up with the tears I’ve been bottling up, but now its hurting me because I’m slowly drowning myself alone in my own misery.


They say forcing a smile helps
Repeating a lie over and over again makes it a truth
But for once
I can’t even put on my mask
My façade failed me

I didn't know it was possible to get your heart broken this fast.
I haven't had my first date with him yet.
I'm slowly withering away.
I don't know why
I love him

I fell in love,
I didn't even mean to

But does anyone ever mean to?

Docter Pepper
- Barbie marathons
- Micro-wave Pizza's
- The cold ravioli you hated
That unfinnished basement was like a home...
- The crawl space under your bed
- The sims
- Doctor Phil
- Mansy ***** bands
- Plans for Highschool
     - And Warped Tour
Crying was okay...
- Pepsi
- Locking me out of my I-pod
-Sharing weird two A.M. thoughts
- Panic attacks
- Dumb boys
And I bet gullible is still on the celling.

*Remember that moment when everything was perfect?

The first time I hugged you your skin was like the down on a baby duck
I could have spent hours stroking the palm of your hand with my thumb
It was soft and warm
Like a new spring leaf
But now every bare skin hug is marred with your skin
Rougher than tree bark
Every line on you, I can see the pain you have endured through the years
In your youth you are so old
Holding your hands now, it has lost its spark
Your hands are colder than any winter I’ve lived through
Your hands
Are now almost just bone
Thats probably because you have only grown taller, no wider, since seventh grade
Even the beautiful cherry smile you had
Its is now lost in the wind like the last crumbling winter leaf

I'm not going to fall in love with a boy that has better hair than me
- I have secret conversations with you in my head, they always go in the right direction when I control both sides
- When I look in your eyes I see cloudy stars with bright days in the future, when you look in mine all you can see is you

Sad young boy
Don’t cry
Put on a smile
Laugh away the nightmares
It’s only a dream
Not a reality
Don’t worry about them
Focus on you
Sad young boy
Smile cheerily
Don’t think
Live in the moment
Don’t let them get the best of you
You may not be able to see it
But I can see your light
Bright and beautiful
You make people so happy
Can you do that for you?
Sad young boy
I love you

Please explain to me how I always seem to fall so hard but I never come back up
It’s like I’ve fallen to the bottom of the ocean
And I can’t seem to surface
I want to be your beauty
But you are certainly no beast
Last nights late thoughts lead me to think I could be Anna and you we’re wonderful Kristof
I just hope you don’t turn into Hans
I lost my glass slipper
Would you search your kingdom for me?
If my name was Ariel I would change the story line to be with you

I can’t seem to get a hold on my mouth, nor my tongue. These curse word spill out of my mouth like smoke out of a cigarette. I work on my goal, and I’m trying my hardest, but maybe my hardest is not good enough for this.

If you just looked in my eyes
you'd see
the
  s
          u
        I
               c
                **   i
           d
                           e

Come dance with my ghost
Pull the trigger
And dance with me
I don’t want to haunt you
I don’t want to be alone anymore
I left you
Now don’t let me leave your mind
My life is ended
But yours is just beginning
Why

We were going to be forever
We were going to stay by each other for life
Be shoulders for crying, have hands to wipe tears away
It had been seven months
Seven months, I took  chance on you
October
October 21 began the first of three nights
All of us sat in our rooms letting secrets through
You helped me see light when I was surrounded in a nineteen year old darkness
You were my first love, My first love that wasn’t lust
You were my first love, My first love of a girl
The night I had kissed you, the night I kissed you, the night you had stayed so close to me
That was the last of two nights
Two nights leading to the whole summer crying

If time must have been created, then who created time, And does this person exist outside of time? Who created this creator and so on and so forth, and how does  on know any of this "Is but a dream within a dream" ~Edgar Allen Poe